Help
Here we go again.. Some of you may have read my last blog where DH visited SD on her birthday.. What I didn't mention is what happens after each visit.
Its been 2 days since and DH has been very uneasy. Tonight I caught him whispering very softly in a corner its like he was sweet talking an outside woman. I were standing about 5 feet away from him and I couldn't hear a word but I'm seeing him whispering and speaking in a romantic way.. So I asked him who he were speaking to and he hesitated but replied my daughter and I said oh ok and walked pass him.
After he ending the call he started shouting telling me it's my daughter I'm speaking to look at my phone but you have a problem with her in which I replied no that I was only asking after hearing the tone of voice.. But he continued yelling saying that he's disappointed in me because I didn't call his daughter and wish her a Happy birthday and that I was still suppose to extend birthday greetings to her through him even if she doesn't wants to speak to me or hear from me because that would of made him happy..
I tried explaining to him that I felt doing such would of been intruding on her or being hypocritical giving the fact that she hates me and my kids, wants nothing to do with me, she don't speak to me and she made that clear what am I suppose to do again.. I felt like extending birthday greetings to her was not my place and by doing that I were only setting myself up for negativity..
Our home is very peaceful we don't have conflicts unless he visits SD most of our biggest arguments is concerning SD. I have a baby with DH and I'm really trying to make things work but I'm also very frustrated and had enough of the SD chaos.
I don't k ow what to do again,, I'm keeping myself out of their way and I'm leaving him to parent his kid without my presence up even that don't seem to please him ..
SD is now 14 and she acts like an adult she don't ever acknowledges me, if she needs to ask me something she does it through her dad even if I'm standing infront of her, she made it clear she doesn't speak to me, she lies and cause chaos with her father and I and whomever she feels the should be in conflicts with her dad, she hates my kids and I, she's very disrespect etc etc.. why must I still acknowledge this individual or what should I do make myself available for her to walk all over my kids and I or should I put her up on a pedestal and worship her to please DH.. Unfortunately I can't see myself kissing her feet..
Please help
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Comments
HUN
Your DH is a prick.
Funny how he expects you to worship her arse even though she treats you less than shit. Gone are the days when a DH is supposed to value and protect his wife from harm. Chivalry is dead and Disney Daddio is alive and gone into full gear.
The problem is your DH. He treats your SD like a wife, whispering sweet nothings is creepy, he has gone all boy chase girl mode with his DD. SICK! . When you are a cross boundary daddio, then this is the norm.
Your bios see this. Do you want them to see this is how marriages are?
Blessings hun. NOTHING will change, it will only get worse. Your DH is so far up SD's ass his brain malfunctioned because of no air.
Find a a real husband, or not. Throw this one back, he is malfunctioned.
He overreacted because he
He overreacted because he knows how shady he was acting. Since he already knows you are more than willing to keep your toes out of his relationship w/ his child and since he knows that you encourage him to be close to her ... his over reaction is his to own.
So Frustrated
You guys I'm so frustrated that I can't function..
I am completely over this relationship tho I think I have reached that breaking point and I have had enough, I can't take anymore..
I'm done being tye bad guy or the evil step mom
I'm done with this relationship maybe we can do a better job coparenting in the near future..
I need to embrace life and live for my kids now and make them happy I need to start over this time by just being a single parent
There is no way it's normal
There is no way it's normal to mistake a man speaking to his 14-year-old daughter for a man speaking romantically to a woman. *bad*
Then for him to blame you when he won't insist his daughter respect you is unacceptable.
Your DH is a jackass. You are
Your DH is a jackass. You are not the bad guy here. It's ridiculous that he says he's disappointed in you. You know that, right? You sound like the only sane one around.
If you've had enough, make a plan to get your kids out of there. If you think there is hope that he will see reason, will he see a therapist, with or without you? A good one (and that's the trick) with experience in step families might be able to help him look in a mirror.
This sounds very DARVO to me.
This sounds very DARVO to me. I wouldn't be so sure he was talking to SD.
Definitely
Definition of DARVO
DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim -- or the whistle blower -- into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of "falsely accused" and attacks the accuser's credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.
He was speaking to SD indeed.
He was speaking to SD indeed.. I saw her number on his phone. It's not the first time I've caught him speaking to her like this when she calls and I'm at a distance he speaks to her very romantically but if I'm next to him he speaks as if he's uncomfortable and he tells her he'll call her back and he will call her back when I'm not around.. but yes he is accustom to sweet talking his daughter in a very soft tone of voice..
I came across situations where she will sit on him and lie on top him she's 14 and she's fully mature she has a body of a woman..
There was 1 time where she were lying on my bed and patting the empty space and telling her dad come ly next to me..
Sounds like shes the wifey
And she knows it!!! And they are both enjoying it.
Thats called Emotional Incest and it SOUNDS from what you describe, it might actually be physical. Starting back a long time before you entered the picture.
Even more reason to get the h@ll out.
Sick.
What did you say to them when you caught her being that physical with her own father? When she was laying on the bed you share with him and have intimacies with him in? Was there a reaction?
ICKY.
I kept thinking
I kept thinking all along that that's just their way of being and that's probably just how to communicate and interact..
It's always very strange to me I always had that in my head
Now that I am over thinking it it's like I'm putting tye puzzle pieces together and I'm afraid of the picture I'm about to reveal
I kept thinking
I kept thinking all along that that's just their way of being and that's probably just how to communicate and interact..
It's always very strange to me I always had that in my head
Now that I am over thinking it it's like I'm putting tye puzzle pieces together and I'm afraid of the picture I'm about to reveal
So much wrong here...
And from your comments you know this. He attacks you verbally, he treats his child like his wife, and you are just the side piece. Of course she doesnt like being usurped by a new woman with new baby - shes used to pulling the strings in their relationship.
NONE of this should be considered acceptable. If you are married, time to consult someone who can help you with all the legal/financial issues. Get your financial ducks in a row. I know its hard - grieve the relationship that you thought you had later - take care of you and your children first and foremost.
I went back and re-read some of your posts and there is nothing that I consider attractive about this so-called man. Hes emotionally and verbally abusive. Even when faced with the truth he is denying it. Check out the DARVO definition - hes an expert at this!
I doub this person will give you up that easily and co-parent, I think he will try to make you stay so you will take care of the household, warm his bed, and take care of his young child without him having to pay spousal support (if married) and child support...if that applies in your country. Dont tell him right away what you are thinking - he sounds kind of crazy and abusers generally step it up when they think they are about to lose their victims.
Take care of you and keep us posted!