Ok ladies and gents, this one is about OSS19. For those who don't remember he is Austic, Bipolar, ADHD (like a mofo) and has general anxiety disorder. He is medicated and functions basically like what you would expect from a 12 yr old. He is a good kid and I have very few issues with him, he is a preteen in a tall body so that is where I keep my expectations.
Over the last few weeks he has really been screwing up. DH is military and the other night he was on base for one of his 24 hr shifts so it was just me and SS. SS was staying up later than I was so I said will you please walk the dog before you go to bed and put her in her crate. Well, I was dying of thirst for some reason at 3 am so I got up to get a bottle of water. Every light in the house was on, THE BACK DOOR WAS OPEN- not just unlocked but OPEN. I was like 110 that day and I know over night stayed in the mid 90's. So my electric is going to be freaking awesome next month!
Then, he borrowed my car. Scratched the hell out of the front corner panel and didn't mention it to me until DH saw it a few days later. He admitted that he probably knew it happened but didn't check, but he heard "something scraping". We talked about omissions of truth and hiding things being versions of lies. I don't tolerate liars.
He has been terrible about his chores lately- even after he "cleaned" the bathroom the sink was gross, didn't clean the toilet... etc., he is supposed to do the dishes at night but he isn't scraping plates so the food filter is full and gross and they have to be rewashed and that is if he even does it. I would say he is only doing them 2-3 times a week now. Just stupid things that are getting old.
Well, last night takes the cake. I let him use my car to go to work (about 1/2 mile away) and he asked to go to the store on the way home (across the street from his work and no major roads). I said sure. Well, he walks in the door and goes "I'm pissed! There is a dent in your car!" Then he tosses me a little note with a guy's name, address and phone number. DH and I go look and sure enough my back corner panel is crushed! We assume that someone hit my parked car. Right? That's what any rational person would think??
Nope, after about an hour and me on the phone with my insurance, do we find out that he backed into someone. That person wasn't worried about it, they had a truck and it barely even made a scratch. So at least I won't have an accident claim. However, I still don't know the cost that it will be to fix. I am more mad about the deceitfulness behind the whole thing than the accident itself.
DH is having SS pay for all damages, so it's not even the cost. However, ee do think that we have been far to easy on him. He doesn't have any "bills", he doesn't have any real responsibility (other than cleaning a bathroom once a month- all 3 kids rotate) and dishes at night. He has no pressure on him. We have been just way too easy on him.
Our big problem is his punnishment "currency", I know my kids but DH and even his ex could never find SS's. BUT I think I found it! Instead of taking away things, because he doesn't care- we are going to add things. Outside manual labor- He is going to clean the gutters, mow the lawn, I am going to get a truck load of mulch dropped in the driveway for him to dispurse. He is going to FEEL it, in the heat. Outside- the place he hates.
We are also going to start making him pay bills- he wasn't on our insurance because we didn't have a car or him and didn't know if he would get a license in our state (he can't pass the test- I know how stupid it was to let him drive but he did get a license from KS and where is goes is just down one back road and no stoplights, just a turn into the resturant he works at). However, he is going to be added and we are making him pay that difference in our auto policy. We are also thinking, depending on how much that is going to cost, adding- Rent, food, utilities. We are going to put it in a savings account for him but he won't know that.
He makes about $850 a month. So, to make him "feel" it, how much should we take? How much fun money should we leave him?