I haven't seen DH is about 6 weeks (with the exception of 1 day that he was able to come home) and it's still a little while before he will be home.
Being on a ship, we can't talk, all we have is email. He has been under a lot of stress during this time with what they have going on board. Plus add in drama with SS18 and the baby, stopping college funding, finally stopping CS and writing that last check before the end of the month. Our communication has just sucked.
I have been under a lot of stress too with my bios, BS17 got his college apps in at the last minute- KILLING ME with the procrastination. DD16 has had a softball injury and something is going on with her kidney which is left over from her ATV accident that almost killed her AND she has her plastic surgery for her breast reconstruction next month so we are seeing ALL the doctors ALL the time. SS23 has just been...special... here lately. Plus I work full time, pay 1/2 the bills and volunteer as an Ombudsman which I usually clock around 60 hrs a month dealing with all of that.
Things with DH and I have always been easy. We communicate well. We support each other. It has just always been good. But right now it feels strained and distant and I hate this. All I can think is in a few months he is leaving me for 18 months. Is this going to be my life? Are we going to survive? Because if something isn't fixed, and I don't know what it is that needs to be fixed other than he needed for freaking retire 4.5 years ago like he promised when we got married, we aren't going to make it. I can't keep doing this. I don't want to be alone and there is nothing I can do to stop what is happening.
I never wanted to be a MIL spouse again. I did it with my kids dad for 10 years. I told DH I wasn't interested after we went on a couple of dates. "Oh, I have one more shore tour and then I retire. Easy day."- Then I fell in love, then I accepted that he wanted to continue in his career. Now I regret it all.
Ok, that's my vent. It feels good to get it out because I can't say this to anyone I know in real life.