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The Car

devilwoman's picture

I haven't posted in a long time. Last time, when my nasty (adult) stepbrats stormed my house and threatened my life, I was called a Drama Queen for being frightened and needing support. This time I'm just amazed.

Several years ago, SD24 from hell was in college, then she decided that she didn't want to be there. Against her parents' wishes, she quit and came home. She then decided to enroll in a local university and commute. In the interim, she got pregnant. DH rewarded that behavior by buying her a car. The deal was that he would pay for it until she got her degree and a job, then she would take over all payments. She was to maintain the car, pay for gas and insurance, etc. all along. He paid for the car for approx. 4 1/2 years. Meanwhile, she switched to nursing school.

She graduated and got a job. DH turned over the payment book. Five or six months pass, and a few texts demanding that he remove his name from the title. He ignored them, of course. One fine morning, we awaken and find the car on the street in front of our house. Upon investigation, the license plate has been removed, the inspection stickers have been scraped off, the car has been emptied, except for the note which says that she doesn't want the car anymore, and demands money for it. She refused to turn over keys or license plate. She tells the police that she will give them up for $1000.

So, we have the car towed to the dealership, have new "chip" keys made, have repairs done (of course it needed them)and inspection, pay for new license plate, etc. To the tune of $700.00. Which I helped pay for.

I thought that rekeying the car was in order. DH insisted that we didn't need to do that. Whatever. So, since I needed a car anyways, I began driving this car (with great hesitation, mind you). It appears that we are stuck with it, and I am paying for it, so I am using it.

Of course, now the car alarm is mysteriously being set off when I'm at work, and the kicker was last night. I went to the grocery store, and the little bi**h must have seen me pull in. Either that, or she's stalking me. Whatever. When I came out, the car was moved several rows and spaces over, and parked facing out, which I NEVER do. I guess she's telling me who's "in control". I came home very angry, and DH, true to form, began screaming at me! He advised me that if I want the car rekeyed, I should get a second job and do it! (Where that came from I have no idea...I never even mentioned the cost, just that I wanted it done, and wished we would have done it in the first place). I got to listen to him scream at ME for a good while, to the tune of "WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DOOOOO!!!?????"

So, maybe you all can enlighten me as to what dastardly deed I did to merit the screaming ass-chewing I received last night, because I'm pissed that his precious (who he doesn't even speak to anymore) is jerking me around.


Kb3Hooah's picture

I think he is just taking his frustrations about all of this on you, frustration with his daughter, frustration with pouring money into this car, and I don't know your financial situation, but having a tight income and adding to the burden of that can be very stressful. Frustrated that his daughter is still causing problems, and frustrated because he would just rather not deal with the whole situation. He wasn't right to yell at you like he did, and that is probably largely due to his poor communication skills.

At this point, I would just drop it, look into having the car rekeyed myself. Not sure what the cost of having this done is, but if it's expensive, just put a little bit of money back at a time until you can afford it.

“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."

Amazed's picture

I'd be scared of that little psycho too...sorry, but I would. File a restraining order just in case she is stalking you,threatening you,following you,whatever she's doing that makes you uncomfortable needs to stop now. As for your DH I agree w/middlemom that he's frustrated,at his wits end and doesn't know how else to express it. He is probably disappointed,ashamed and everything else that goes along with having a child not turn out as expected. He's totally wrong for lashing out but maybe he just needs to cool off and take a step back from the situation for a bit and forget about worrying about the car until his head clears.

Basically everything middlemom said Wink

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Storm76's picture

He may be feeling guilty as he insisted the car didn't need to be rekeyed initially, as well as the guilt of a parent when their kid hasn't turned out how they hoped. Also, you say you were angry when you got home, and he may be someone that onyl responds to anger with anger, or may have felt like you were trying to blame him (not trying to defend him, just trying to point out some alternatives). If either of the last two suggestions ring tru with you, perhaps start a calm conversation with him saying something along the lines of 'I'm sorry I was angry, it wasn't with you & I didn't mean to take my feelings out on you'

As Barbie says though, look into a restraining order - you don't deserve to be threatened or stalked by anyone!

LizzieA's picture

It shouldn't be that much to have it rekeyed. I'd do it quietly without telling him. I agree with the others, he is upset because he knows she is wrong and a jerk and he took it out on you. She wanted you guys to give her money for the car after 4 1/2 years of you paying for it? That behavior is so incredibly rude, crude and unexcused. She wanted a new car and thought you should give her the down payment. And then to mess with the car and your head--that girl has serious issues.

devilwoman's picture

Yes, she wants money. To cover oil changes, tires, car washes (!), and the like, according to her demand letter.

Thank you for the support; she DOES have very serious issues.

I guess Daddy was supposed to transform it into a shrine or something...

stepoff's picture

I agree with the pps regarding your DH's tie-rade. However, I have a slightly different take on the car keys issue. I'm no attorney, but being that the car was esentially a loaner to SD and was always titled in your DH's name, isn't she legally obligated to return the keys to the rightful owner, you and DH? I would check with the local police and see if there's something they can do. Maybe get a warrant to show up at her residence and demand return of all of they keys for the car. See if that works. If the car continues to move around without explanation, then I'd have it rekeyed, as a last resort.

devilwoman's picture

Unfortunately, she is the secondary borrower on the loan, so her name is associated with the car. DH did that to help her build nice of her to repay it this way, right?

If push comes to shove, I have the letter(s) that she sent, waiving her rights to the car. But at this point, she really can't be forced to give up the key until a judge tells her to do so. Ugh.

devilwoman's picture

No, unfortunately. We had another copy made...same key. The dealership does it by computer. Stupid.

devilwoman's picture

I originally wanted to actually change the locks. The dealership won't do this...I would have had to go to a locksmith. This would have been considerably more expensive, and DH didn't want to do it. AND, I believe, we still would've had to have the dealer make the "chip" key for the ignition. So, 200 for the chip key and maybe 600-700 for the door locks. He just didn't want to spend that much more.

I guess I'll be spending it anyway.

misschristina95's picture

Good luck with this one. We got screwed over just like you guys did. We were supposed to be moving to another state and Sd17 was going to move in with her mom. BM did not have a car. So we bought a twelve hundred dollar car for SD17. Not really a big deal, it was a reliable car. Wasn't the prettiest thing, but still. Well, the move didn't work out, we could not rent our house out for what our mortgage was, or even close to it. So we ended up not moving. Well, one day I see BM driving the car we bought for SD17. That really really pissed me off. Not only was I taking care of her two younger kids (the ones she didn't want living with her, or even spending the night at her house, because they actually needed help with things like homework, and PLUS they had nothing to offer her.... like say.... a car that she could drive around for free!!!) So I put an end to that really really quickly, or so I thought. Every once in a while I would see BM driving the car, and I would immediately start having imaging of what road rage damage could be done... Wink
Anyway, so BM convinced SD17 that her car was not good enough, that she needed to trade it in. You should have seen the look on BFs face when he saw what she traded it in for. It is the exact same car, only a different brand... its a different color. It makes the same noises that the other one did, and needs a paint job. I wish his kids would start thinking for themselves. Now SD17 is making payments on a car that she already had to have repairs on three times, sd17 told us she had to have it repainted because the paint is chipping off. BM also bought a car at the same time Sd17 did, a PT cruiser. So she basically used SD17 because BMs credit is so bad they would not help her, unless she was going to cost them another sale. So they went ahead and sold it to her instead of losing SD17s sale.
Oh!!!! and the kicker-- they only gave her $500 for the car we paid $1200 cash... and wouldn't ya know it, BM had exactly $500 dollars down on her car... weird huh????

I wanted to teach her a lesson. She has no appreciation for the money we spent on her. She was suppose to buy an expensive pair of sunglasses for BF for his birthday. I was going to tell her that we sold the hundred dollar pair of sunglasses for ten dollars, and watch her have a fit. But wouldn't ya know, with all those payments on that car, she just didn't have the money to get him ANYTHING.

Good luck and I feel your pain!!!!

buttercookie's picture

Is there anyway you can do a cheaper route and get a club or something similar just so she can't move the car on you? I hope you have a cell phone because right now she's moving it around the lot someday she may just up and take it

stepoff's picture

Very true. And if she ends up in an accident with it and runs, you and DH will be legally responsible. Uh oh. Time to lock-down that car!

devilwoman's picture

Yep, she would say "Oh, it's his car, not mine. See the paper I signed, giving it back?" Exactly.

stepoff's picture

Is the car paid off? If so, how about selling it, and turn-over what you get for it into another car for yourself? This just sounds like a lot of hassle and aggravation to have to deal with. And if the car is gone, she has nothing to mess with anymore...

devilwoman's picture

Nope, not paid off. There are maybe 10 or 11 payments left. We had hoped to just make the remaining payments, and then trade it in or sell it. He is listed as primary borrower, so the payments HAVE to be made, or his credit will suffer. I'm quite sure that she will hold this over his head, so either way, we will be paying for it.

stepoff's picture

So if you and DH pay it off, will SD have a claim on the car too? Is there any way of getting her off the loan paperwork?

The next time the car is moved or messed with, go back into the store and talk to the manager. See if they have a security camera system outside. If they do, tell them that you want to see the tape of the 'action' outside for the past xxx minutes because someone just messed with your car. There has to be a way to stop her.

devilwoman's picture

OMG, what a great idea! I never even considered that! I believe they do have a camera. I will call this afternoon.

Yes, she still has a legal claim to the car. DH says he will go to the magistrate and have her ordered to release her claim to the car. I don't know when that will happen. We have her letters stating that she is done with the car, so it shouldn't be hard. And I find it VERY difficult to believe that a judge would award her money for a car that her father financed for YEARS so she could have transportation....but you just never know about the f-ed up court system.

devilwoman's picture


The locksmith is coming later this afternoon. He will change the entry locks (door and trunk), but leave the ignition alone. It will "only" cost about $250. WAY better than 600-700. I will need two separate keys, but I don't care. At least the SD from hell won't be able to get into the car now...I guess I should expect the paint to be scratched and etc. soon. Oh, maybe some sugar in the gas tank, too!

DH stopped at the magistrate yesterday to file a complaint. He got there at about 3:30. They told him they don't take complaints after 3:00. So, I guess in addition to spending a freaking fortune on this stupid car already, he (or I) have to lose time at work now. UGH!!!

devilwoman's picture

AND....another update.

The car went BACK to the dealership today to clear all the keys, and reprogram the two that I have. Ugh. I thought that they were doing this in the first place, but obviously they did not. This means that only the keys I have will actually work.

Short of chaining the damn car to the sidewalk, I don't know what else I can do.