Mine was upset at first too but he got over it.  Give him lots of affection and fun times.

Remind him BM is his problem. If he can not afford court or will not bother himself with it (merely whines instead) that too is his problem. 

You've done that.... now stick to it and simply tell him to STFU. You didn't have sex with BM in the first place, let alone go for round two. You can't make BM follow the CO nor behave. You have no intentions in allowing Bm or him to ruin your evening. Besides, having him and the skids out of the house unexpectedly Thursday sounds really good to you. Then walk in the bathroom and shut the door in his face. 

You will find the more you disengage, the more he will dislike it. Remind him you tried and tried and he blew you off, now it's all on him and his to worry about. His ex, his kids. You can't fix this for him and you are done involving and stressing yourself over it. 

Stay strong!

You aren't his emotional dumpster anymore, so now he has to deal with his feelings and frustrations. Poor baby. *biggest eyeroll ever*

Just remember, if you want to maintain your marriage, to only disengage from BM and SSs. Don't also disengage from H.

First you are in the right. You do not HAVE to parent his child. And you do not HAVE to partake in his crazy with BM. If you choose to that is your right. Your DH needs to respect that. 

But playing devils advocate here - men are babies and need hand holding. You don't necessarily need to participate just coddle in a sense. For instance, when you said:

I told him I will put it to you like this. None of my money is going towards taking BM back to court and I am not wasting my Thursday night going to some band intro for your kid who could care less if I am there or not.

You could have said:

Oh wow I'm sorry BM is causing problems again. That must be stressful for you. Go and enjoy Band Intro with SS and when you get back I will give you the best massage. 

See what I mean? As women we need to be smarter. Never show your hand. Yes you are disengaged but that doesn't mean it needs to be blatant. Cultivate your relationship. My guess is he is only upset because he 'feels' you are leaving him emotionally high and dry. 

Just make sure you're looking out for your happiness and sanity still! Disengaging is totally great for some people! The only word of caution is, make sure that you aren't so focused on disengaging that you stop being DH's partner too.

Go get 'em tank! I really do think that distancing yourself from the skid and BM issues is going to do wonders for your emotional health!

Look.. good for you.  The message should be clear and consistent.  This is an issue that I am not going to insert myself into.  I can't get involved because it causes me too much stress over a situation that I have no control over and had no part in creating.  If you need to take BM to court.. that is your call and something I won't be involved in financially.. mentally.. everything. 

Now, it's entirely possible that she didn't know the time of this band intro... perhaps SS didn't tell HER?  But, in the end, your DH can choose how to deal with it.

Tell him that you feel like you were hurting your relationship with him by arguing over the CO issues and about Skid issues so you have decided to let him be the one who handles these issue so that the two of you don't end up wrapped in drama.

Let DH be upset - he needs to realise and accept that BM and SS is his problem to deal with. For your own peace of mind, this is something you need to do for you. You can listen - if you want - and support him, but he needs to stand on his own feet when it comes to dealing with his ex and kid. I would venture that this was not your attitude at first - however you have been forced to take this stance. DH's anger and resentment that may flow from this needs to be channeled where it belongs: at ex wife and the kid. Not you. Dont let yourself become an easy target on this, but help your DH understand BM and SS are his issues to deal with. Dont let him drag his baggage and unresolved negative issue from his previous relationship into yours to create arguments and unhappiness.   

I think you're in a situation where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  Your husband doesn't like it when you try to make (or have him make) his kid do something, like sleep in his own bed.  He doesn't like it if YOU bring up BM issues.  But he expects you to listen to him vent about BM, fund his court battles and attend his kid's functions?  You just can't win with this man.  So do what makes you sane and happy.  If that's ignoring his drama and disengaging, go for it.  

I’m proud of you, tank. Stay the course. You have every right to want to preserve your marriage by guarding your sanity. You also have every right to not want to contribute to his financial burden, having to take a HCBM back to court. 

It works like a CHARM!!  Chef would have blown a gasket had I announced my disengagement.    Every time he whined to me about what difficulties the Girhippo was cooking up, I'd say "oh that's horrid"  and make a sympathetic face.

Everytime he actually set boundaries (this was like brazilian waxing a sheepdog--he HATED setting boundaries for his ferals) I would say "oh it is so hard to put skid in timeout" "I would have a hard time with it too."  (insert sympathetic face)  In actuallity I had NO problem putting a boot up my bios butts and they are productive adults today because of it.

SO should get a part time job in addition to his regular job.  He can save the money from part time job and take MB to court   If he makes $100 a week in a year he should have enough money to do that 

My DH doesn’t like when I am disengaged either but it does save my emotions...can’t lie, still bothers me how the skids treat me but at least I’m not bending over backwards and still being treated that way. Today I made the comment about buying a very expensive cake for SD. I told him I didn’t even spend that much on my own daughter. He got very upset about the comment because I didn’t refer to SD as my daughter! I separated her from my birth child. Well hello! She isn’t mine and certainly does not act like she is. I wish I could disengage from the BM drama like you. It eats at me. Keep it up! You may end up keeping your sanity! Lol

I was a little harsh too when I started disengaging, and now I try to listen to his problems as I would my best friend. I don’t try to solve her problems or take on the burdens she has, so why do I do the same for DH? I do my best to listen to him and tell him “that sucks”, but I do my best to not offer solutions. I do draw the line when he starts talking about BM though. Whenever I complain about her he gets mad because he can’t fix the problem, so if I can’t complain about her to him, he can’t to me either! Good luck, it was a hard path for me that I started 2 years ago, and he’s just barely coming around to accepting parts of it.