BM's grotesque mother
Former BM's mother hated my ex, so I never dealt with him having any sort of loving relationship with her side of the family.
My SO, on the other hand, is somewhat close with BM's parents. Well, not close anymore, but friendly. They're pretty young, since BM is still an infant herself, and they would hang out with my SO back when he was attempting to make it work with her for the sake of the oops child.
BM's mom is a total whacko. I see right through this woman. She enabled her daughter even during her worst drug use, putting money in her account each week, she is conniving, gossipy and mentally unstable. She used to try to control my SO, she would insert herself right in the middle of his arguments with BM, she would show up at their apartment and clean, she would insist on paying certain bills. She was determined to make them stay together.
To this day she asks him to come by and do x,y,z for her or her husband (yard work type stuff), she inquires about me in a very backhanded way (she asked him why I "hate kids"... something she heard "through the grapevine"), she is just all up in his business. If I happen to be at a pick up, she barely looks at him, but when I am not in the car its a 30 to 45 minute conversation.
He is a nice guy and gratefulf or her, because as screwed up as she is, she takes care of his son 75% of the time when he is at BM's for the weekend. I told him last night to keep in mind she is not the mother of that child.
I know she will always be plotting to try to get them back together and it makes me hate her. I call her his mother in law. I just think it is so disrespectful to meddle in his new relationship. I also don't respect a woman who provides urine for her addict daughters drug test. (True story).
Anyone ever set boundaries with a grandmother? I wouldn't dare this early on, but one day... I will.
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Gah, she sounds like my MIL.
Gah, she sounds like my MIL. A codependent, backbiting, enabler. So, obviously, yes - I have major boundaries set in place. Some of them I know my DH is not the happiest with, and on the same page with, but oh well.
Also: my MIL went to the
Also: my MIL went to the scene of my BIL’s car vs tree crash in an attempt to clear out the empty beer cans before the police arrived. That was his first DUI.
Last September, MIL lovingly handed him the keys to one of their vehicles, “because he asked!” so BIL could drive (his car had a blowbox). That was his 2nd DUI.
She’s a real gem.
Sounds eerily similar to this
Sounds eerily similar to this woman. She knows BM's latest boyfriend is a complete scumbag yet she is buddy buddy with him. No morals. Her idea of spending time with her grandson is just buying him useless, expensive shit and shoveling junk food down his throat.
That’s how my MIL tries to
That’s how my MIL tries to spend quality time with our kids, too. Senseless gifts and sweets.
MIL here is buddy buddy with everyone as well, but the most disappointing person whose rear her head is up is BM’s. You know, the woman that habitually cheated and physically accosted her son.
I would put up SO MANY boundary walls with this woman, and always patrol those walls.
I'll start with boundaries
I'll start with boundaries then. SO could tell I wasn't thrilled about her trying to get him to do yard work.
I simply don't subscribe to her "belief" that BM and my SO were star crossed lovers. He knocked up her teen daughter on accident 5 years ago. It gets tiring when people deny reality.
If I ever chose heroin over my toddler, repeatedly, my parents would disown me. This woman comes right to her daughter's rescue. I can't even fathom it.
She (and her husband) tried to bribe SO with the potential for him to take over the family business one day, etc. So manipulative. I told him I will NEVER formally meet her. She can sit there and wonder about me for the rest of her life.
Great plan
Only time BM heard my voice was right after another hearing in court. She jammed out of there & into the 100% empty but huge, echo-y court hall, so I called out after her ths one word:
"LIAR!"
She paused ever so slightly in her gait, but kept walking away. Minutes later, we drove by BM & her latest attorney talking on the sidewalk outside the courthouse, and I rolled down the window to laugh & point. Not my most mature move but it felt great and continues to be the only utterances she's heard from me. She will never formally meet me, either, even if it's a wedding or funeral. No dice!
I think that’s a good idea to
I think that’s a good idea to not allow her to formally meet you. There’s some power in that.