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Update on skids and my mess

no1smaid's picture

Skids are doing really well. DH however is on a mission to ensure that they stay on track. New house rule he initiated this evening: For every hour of TV watched there will be an hour of reading, for every hour of electronic games played there will be 1.5 hours of reading. The skids are groaning but he is determined to see their comprehension and retention of materials read improve. They can read whatever they like, so long as they read and it isn't porn. Yes skid#2 jokingly asked his dad if the articals in playboy counted. DH did laugh then promptly told him no, because at 15 that kid would not be reading the articals.

I went to counseling this morning with EAP this morning. And I have appointments once a week for the next month to come to terms with my family dynamic change and the sudden discovery that my dad is alive. Foxy: the couselor gave me the same advice you did. I wrote BM a letter today explaining dad found me, how bitterly angry and disappointed, betrayed and irate I was due to her near 25 year lie. I explained when I could talk to her without fear of cursing her out, dragging history into the current problem and when I felt like I could actually listen to her reasoning for lying that I would contact her. In the meantime she was not to contact me. Her ringtone on my phone has been set to silent. If she does call, I won't hear it.

I also did talk to my dad this evening. Explained all of this at once is just tearing me up. He has offered if I or the counseler would like that he would call in or fly in for a session so she can talk to him too. I will let her know about the offer next week when I see her. He was extremely apologetic, never meant to upset me, was very caught up in his golden moment of finding me and did not think about the stress it would cause me on my end. Not his fault, I invited him and my SM, I also was caught up in the moment of holy crap he is alive, I have a dad! And jumped in with both feet instead of wading in. I do have his side of the story, backed up with court documents. He did not walk away.


aggravated1's picture

I am just catching up, what did he think had happened to you? Why didn't your grandparents ever try to find you? And how on earth did they recognize you so many years later? I can't even recognize people I went to school wih, LOL. Do you look like your mom or something, like an uncanny resemblance? Sorry if this has already been covered---

no1smaid's picture

From the way the court documents read they were mid divorce with a temp CO in place, her primary with him having eowe and wed night on alternate weeks. Then right before the final decree was signed which would award almost 50/50, she disappeared. I was offered he could bring/send receipts to show attorney bills and PI bills he and the grandparents paid to try and find me, but at this point I do not think I need to see them. Seeing the court documents showing that she was in contempt for violation of the temp CO by moving without the courts permission was enough.

As for grandma recognising me, I look exactly like her. Hair color of an orangish red/ dark strawberry blonde, eyes, cheekbones, height, freckles and almost creepily even the same shoe size. According to grandpa looking at me is like going back in time 40 years. She saw me in the store, effectively seeing herself walk by. Followed me and she says she didn't want to approach me face to face and be disappointed again, so just called out her grand daughter's name, figuring I would keep walking. When I turned around after hearing someone call my name grandma lost it and started bawling.