How do you react to SKIDS backtalking, attitude, disrespect, etc....
I know you have to pick and choose your battles, but what do you say or how do you react to their constant BS. Like their back talking, attitude, expectations, disrespect, my biggest one is when they do not do their daily chores or they are done 1/4 ass, etc.... (They are 17yr SS and 14yr SD)
Please give me some examples of reactions or replies I should have. Lately I have been mainly just ignoring most of sewage that spews forth from their mouths, even the simplest of things. Because if I remotely even engage in any conversation it leads to a mountain of shit. Especially with 14yr SD. I also, as calmly as I at certain times, will reply with 'you need to speak your father about that' and if they continue which their generally do I reply 'with sorry but that is not my responsibility or problem so you need to talk to your dad'. (depending on the topic of conversation the verbage changes)
Please give me any, some or all input here.
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SD5 is sent to her room
SD5 is sent to her room immediately for backtalk or attitude. No warnings, just "Go to your room and think about how you are supposed to treat people".
If she doesn't do what she is supposed to do (which right now isn't much), her things start to disappear.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I'm not "allowed" to raise
I'm not "allowed" to raise my voice to ss5, much less deal with any new upcoming nightmares headed my way...Just like you said, that is when the DH's can do the "watching" because I refuse to take it.
You see I cannot enforce
You see I cannot enforce that here they are too damn ignorant and they are not my kids. I told BF/DH that I was disengaging myself from any parenting and that he needed to step up and handle it ALL regardless. I need to know what to do with that being said. I am not trying to do the 'parenting' thing necessarily but what I want to know is what replies, reactions, responses, etc... I should have without the repremending but make an impact at the same time. Does that make sense?
Do you do anything else for
Do you do anything else for them? Drive them places? Buy them things?
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Well he has his own truck
Well he has his own truck which is about a pubic hair away from getting it taken away. So I do not take him anywhere. As for her I use to do alot of things for her but since she turned into this little bitch I stopped alot. I no longer take her shopping even for the simplest of things, friends house or with me on any errands. I take her to school in the morning which has really diminshed. So far I haven't taken her to school this week because I told her if she isn't ready by 6:30am on the dot I am leaving with or without her. She doddles in the morning. It takes her an hr. and 15min minimum to get get ready when I get ready in 45-55min. and that includes making a lunch for myself and my honey, and I work in an office so I have to look and dress appropriately.
I have completely stopped buying either of them anything that is beyond food, and the food is for the entire house at that. They do nt appreciate anything anyway so I am not going to waste my $ on two spoiled rotten ass little brats. Not my kids not my responsibility!
I do laundry for them, I clean the house because all of their miniscual chores during the week are VERY minor upkeeps. I cook dinner almost every night, at least 3-4 fresh meals a week and 'a' breakfast on the weekend, sometimes. I use to do alot misc things for both of them, even with helping them with homework, teach them things, when they didn't have a dollar to their name I would take them shopping for dads bday or fathers day, or include their name on my gift to him. I tried teaching dippy do how to correctly fill out job applications, how talk like a proper young man rather than some caveman grunting. I use to help with SD hair, either doing it or scheduling and taking her to a hair dresser. I use to plan summer fun for me and her, whether it was in our back yard/pool or else where. I use to take her to the movies. I use to do alot of things with mostly her but I stopped alot of that, I was tired of being used and being a doorat. Because once she got what she wanted from me she would end up being so rude and abusive. She is VERY manipulative, especially with daddy.
For my own bio-kids, if they
For my own bio-kids, if they start getting sassy, I send them to their rooms. If they're getting really obnoxious, I might give them a slap to the cheek and then they're sent to their rooms.
For my stepkids - well, they've never really gotten cheeky yet. Not anything a cocked eyebrow wouldn't take care of. But if they ever did start in on me, I would give them the same treatment as my biokids.
And if ANY of the kids ever got mad and "got in my face," they would be knocked to the floor - I don't care how big they are or whether they plopped out of my uterus or not. I will not stand for that in my house, and neither will my husband. If The Wookie has a problem with the way I deal with her kids, bring it!
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
I love your "BM" phrase. LOL
I love your "BM" phrase. LOL
I have to say I feel a
I have to say I feel a little lucky in this catagory since SD has been in my life from babyhood. I have noticed that both BM and DH will tolerate a certain condescending tone that SD has developed over the last few years, but she does not use it with me. The minute she gets the slightest bit condescending I cut her off and tell her she is not allowed to speak to me like that, and she doesn't.
I think setting the expectations early is important. I know that doesn't really help you... I guess just demanding the respect you deserve. Your DH has to be the one to back it up with punishment to enforce the rule.
You hit the nail on the
You hit the nail on the head!! We are working on that. He is showing improvement but it is still too early to see. When it has continued for more than 3 or more months I will feel a little better.
Thanks!
You hit the nail on the
You hit the nail on the head!! We are working on that. He is showing improvement but it is still too early to see. When it has continued for more than 3 or more months I will feel a little better.
Thanks!
I am in the same situation.
I am in the same situation. SD has always been with us. I do not tolerate anything, so SD know what can and cannot say or do around me. Others let her get away with things throughout her life and they are paying the price for that now.
That's right on button!!
That's right on button!!
SD14 - I ignore when the
SD14 - I ignore when the mouthy begins. I usually leave the room. It doesn't always work, she is known to follow and mutter under her breath. I have told her no on taking her somewhere if she gets like that. That really sets her off.
I try to ignore it or I will
I try to ignore it or I will try to say it a calm manner that I dont care, like water on a ducks back!
My thing with her if she asks me to take her some where or do something for her or help her, I have been trying this more so lately than I did in the past, is that I tell her, Sorry I cant maybe you should call your mother about that" and walk away to get away and to make sure that dad sticks to it too.
SD14 and SS12 live with us
SD14 and SS12 live with us full time. They do not see their BM at all. I'm around them most of the time since I work from home.
I have gotten the backtalk, the attitude, the rolling of the eyes, the not shutting up, stomping up the stairs and the list goes on and on. I blame it more on them being "teenagers" because they are actually good kids. I have yelled at them, told them to shut the f up, sent them up to their rooms, threatened them, taken stuff away from them. I literally went crazy........Now, I keep my cool (okay not always but I'm working on it!) and just tell them "I don't want to have this conversation" or "I don't need to answer that question right now or ever" or "Don't make me call your dad right now and tell him!" I also wait until I am calmer and not mad and talk to them. I make myself clear as to why they are in trouble. SO backs me up and he steps in way more now. Skids don't like that because they know SO can deal with them differently than I can.
It is harder raising teenagers and even harder when they are not your own. Sometimes I think they are so stupid but then I remember I was once a teenager myself! I have learned that I can't always be angry at them over stupid little things. I'm still learning........CP
I have SD9, SS10, SS11. All
I have SD9, SS10, SS11. All of whom live with us full time. I have not experienced any backtalk yet, but they will do or try do do other sneaky things. They all think we are so dumb. The punishment depends on the crime. Most of the time they are sent to their rooms for a few days with nothing to do, and they are only called down for meals (which I don't mind at all). If it's really bad, they will get a spanking. My fiance and I both dicipline the kids.
I have taken everything out of SD's room for constantly not following direction and not keep herself clean like she should. She is definitley not a normal girl. I have never seen or experienced someone (boy or girl)so dirty and lazy in all my life. And she isn't a teenager yet. I am having problems now, so I can ony imagine what is in store for the future.
Great advice!! Thank you!! I
Great advice!! Thank you!! I know they are just being teenagers, but ours have a little more to it than just that, due to mothers history and present. (Not a good mom at all). I think teenagers these days are lacking in the common sense area. And do think that they are a little more numb in the head than during my teenage years. Technology and parents in many cases have ruined a childs mind. They no longer think on their own, they depend on a computer, cell phone etc... and parents keep giving them more crap. I grew up alot different and alot quicker than these 2. I had more common sense and smarts by 12 than they have at 17 & 14 put together. That is why I tried to teach in a manner them a little of what I know or have experienced. But I gave up on that.
Thank you again!!