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When does the skids crappy rude attitude start to dissipate?

meanpocahontas's picture

When does the shitty & completely rude attitude end with skids? Specifically the 14yr SD. Damn she is a RUDE little bitch! It just never ends long enough to enjoy or relax. I tried consistently for 2.5yrs but the past year I just stopped doing things or lending a helping hand or trying to teach her the basics of life, since her pc of crap, drunk, screwed up mother never has & never will and just can't. (DH has full custody and BM only has the wknds to see her 2 kids).So for the most part I just don't pay attention to her until I have had enough and then I put her in her place. And DH sees and says things to her but IMO is not firm enough. He still talks to her for the most as though she is still a toddler & most of the time is just not consistent with any reprimending or disciplining. He has gotten better but there is still so much that goes on and is allowed. She tries to use dad against me and manipulates the hell out of him. She has learned alot of things from her mother; how to use people, lie, manipulate, story telling, distraction, bad manners, hell I could on and on. And then she will have a brief moment of kindness, basically when she 'wants' something or her way (the manipluation/distraction). She is always up in our business. Shes always instigating/plotting to get us to argue/fight. She waits till dad has left the room to say shit & tries to tell her daddy she didnt say that. He has caught on but at the same time is blinded by the fact that is his little girl. By all means I love the fact he is a caring and responsible parent, but enough is enough with the baby talk & treatment and especially her manipulative & evil ways. I'm almost to the point I want to smack the shit out of her and shake the blindness and deafness out of him. I have told him I am sorry but I can't & don't feel the same about your kids as you do. I told him I care for them and want the best for them but I can't trust them and don't like them 1/2 of the time, well mainly this has to do with her. She has betrayed my trust and belief after I have caught her in my room going through my stuff, stuff has disappeared & showed up on her or in her room, after she has tried to blast me & us with her bitchyness. It has got to stop eventually, sooner than later or maybe I should just be on my merry little way?!?!? What do you do? What is there to do about this?


meanpocahontas's picture

Always a new game or excuse or story. I know her lack of mannerisms and bad attitude and behavior stems mainly from her mother, but dad has blame in that too. Me and her started off great (she was 10) and then it just went to shit. I know I'm the adult and she's the kid, but she knows better and I'm just not going to give in to her crap. My motto is what comes around goes around, And you treat people how you want to be treated. With that being said if you treat me like crap expect it back in 10 full. And that's why she dislikes me so much, because she knows I see through her.

I guess wanting a little peace and sanity longer than a day or two is asking too much. Cal-gon take me away!

stepoff's picture

Your DH needs to put his foot down (or up her azz) once and for all, or it will just get worse. believe me. my sd21 is still a brat. have you asked your dh why he treats her like a small child at the age of 14? 14 is old enough to know better, but if she isn't being held accountable, she'll keep doing whatever she knows she can get away with. it's up to your dh to draw the line. if he can't or won't, you need to determine if you can live with her for another 4 years (minimum, because it sounds as though daddy's little girl might end up staying till she's 25).

meanpocahontas's picture

He has tried. More so lately, but IMO not enough. There's no consistency with it. The toddler talk stems from guilt. Because when he was bonding with his son who is now 17, the 14yr girl was @ home with mommy who was always drunk and for the most part passed out on the couch or in the tub or where have you. So he feels guilty because she never bonded much with her mother in the way he did with his son. You know doing things that mommys and their little girls should have done when she was younger and even now. The 1st 2yrs, He said i did more with her & for her than her mother ever did her whole life. I used take her shopping, to get her hair done, pedicures, etc... Not that I am a girly girl that way but i tried different things with her. I use to get her to help me with yard work & cleaning the house, but apparently mommy told her she shouldn't have to do that stuff!!! WTF!! I told her that, mom's house (actually granny's) her rules, our house OUR rules! He does draw the line but not often enough and not always when needed. She knows basically he is full of it because he is not consistent. She dont like me because when I say Im gonna do something I do it. Ex.; She kept giving a bad-bad-bad tude & i told her if she keeps it up the I was going to take her flat iron away, take her door off her room, take the computer away, no visitation of friends & limit the tv usage. And so I did. It start w/ a week, which eventually ended up being 5weeks because she just wasnt getting it. I told him he has got to learn now how to be firm & consistent b4 its 2 late. He knows and has been getting better but then gets mad @ me bcuz I nag @ him for getting off track.

Anon2009's picture

I agree with stepoff in that she's old enough to know better. I think part of it is the fact that she's a teenager. But even still, she's old enough to know better.

Is she in counseling? It sounds like she might have some abandonment issues due to BM. Have DH call her doctor and ask him/her for a good therapist for teens.

meanpocahontas's picture

I agree part of it is being a teenager but at the same time I know it is far more than that. There is no counseling. I do not know how the counseling thing would work out. I don't know how he would even get her to go! And I too think theres an abandonment issue. But her mother sets the wrong example for everything. And mommy makes her feel bad for her and the cycle just keeps continuing.

Jsmom's picture

BTDT. Now I would just like SD14 to go away and live with her mom. But, DH has decided that he wants to fight now for full custody. Ugh!!!

buttercookie's picture

The problem with these kids or adults treating their step parents like crap isn't really their fault. The fault is the birth parents allowing it. I've notice a lot of step kids will pull whatever they can to get whatever they want, IMO they become master manipulators unless the adults step up and stop it. While I'm furious at my step son for his antics I'm just as mad at his father for allowing it to happen in the first place. Husband should have nipped it in the bud sooner. While step son was under age and we were legally responsible for him I had to take some of it. Now that he's an adult I don't have to and won't. Step son is doing everything he can to stay out of my path and I like it that way and I don't care if he don't, he doesn't have a right to dictate anything in my house anymore. Since I took the power back I've been much happier. If your spouse won't control their spawn you don't have to either. They aren't your kids and if you have no say as to what they do fine, but you also don't have to drive them anywhere, do their laundry, or cook their meals. The spouse can.

goin-crazy's picture

I totally understand the whole situation im right there with you. i cant believe im not the only one. my DH has full custody of SD14 and SD13 and the SD14 is just awefull, and just the same as you DH does nothing but talk. So yesterday i got a text from SD13 saying how SD14 is embarrasing her by making out and inappropiate touching on the bus, and she asked if i could just start taking her to school so that she doesnt have to be embarrased. So, finally i made the decision to call the owner of the busses (which is a friend)and had her tell SD14 that there has been complants about her actions o the back of the bus so sd14 has to sit on front seat for rest of the year. It felt great that some thing was finally done because all she ever gets with DH is a waste of breathe. OH did i mention she is actually his ex-step daughter that he has full custody of.