I am a SAHM and I do EVERYTHING!! DH works 12-15 hours a day 6 or 7 days a week. I do everything for SD15. BM is not really around and we have full custody. I have my own 10 yr old daughter and together we have BD3. I don't expect him to do anything since I am home all day but it sucks. Sometimes he will suggest we do something and my response it "well I have 3 kids to take care of" and he looks at me with a blank stare!!

Now it has been getting thrown in my face that I am keeping him from his daughter because I do everything! I just cannot ever win and I give up trying. I hate it!!

i would say DH is VERY good about taking care of the skids. it's about an 80/20 in our case.

I cant even stand my SD16 and I take care of her. I take her shopping, i take her to apts, I clean for her, cook for her, pick up after her.....YAH I DO ALOT!!!!!

I have been my SS14 full time "guardian", disciplinarian, taxi, laundry, chef, roomkeeper etc for seven years now. If you step in your DH or SO may stepback. I have found that a do it all DH is rare. I also think that SM's are strong and are in a difficult role at times and I also think we Steppeople do what we feel is best, as would well adjusted non-steppeople would. I have no biological's of my own and I steered my SS14 as though he was mine, with respect of course to the BM's place in his life. I always told him that I am not your mom, never wanted to be, but it is my duty to provide you with what you do not get. I am a gap-parent. Filling in a gap, not a step up or step down. It may seem like I am minimizing, but the SS14 can wrap his head around that, by not making it complicated. Unfortunately, the gap is HUGE!

I think it seems that way because most of the moms here are here because they have a bad situation. The happy SM's in the world are not on ST lol. We are all here because we have to vent before we explode!

I haven't seen my 17 yr old SD in two months. She's boy crazy and doesn't want to spend any time with anyone other than her BF.

Saw SD 23 a few weeks ago.

When SD 17 was younger and not boy stupid we did a lot for her. Had her almost every weekend. I did just as much for her as I did my own and never really thought about it......the again she's a awesome person and I love her to death. So it was alot easier than doting on someone I can't stand.

Personally, I think the BM and DH have so much hatred for each other they use the kid as a weapon against each other. And they both would rather be "friends" with the kid rather than parent the kid and it becomes a game of who the kid likes better. That is the root of most the problems most Step parents have. The guilty parent. Unfortunetly the ones left to suffer are the step parent and the kid.

You mention "Stepmonster" which is a brillliant book. I also love "Three Martini Playdate" and any other humor books by the same author. Really helped me help DH put parenting into perspective. Before he stepped back and "let Me" take over, he was a helecopter parent that "ACHED for SS to be happy". UMM GAG ME! I friend of mine gifted me with a copy of Martini Playdate. Best thing that ever happened to our marriage, but I ended up with more than I had been prepared for...

I disengaged a long time ago so I rarely ever do anything for them.

DF does 99% of the parenting for his kids. He has tried to push his job off on me but I have no problem saying no.

I never asked anyone I dated to help raise my son. I never expected (or would have allowed) DS's SM to parent him.

I raised my child. I have no desire to raise his children.

If they ever come to live with us full time,I'll help more but not allow DF to step back.

At first my BF expected me to take care of his kids. He was used to making BM take care of their kids so when they split, he expected that I would also step into that role. At first I helped out a little..but then he expected me to watch them ALL the time. He'd lay on the couch and get me to entertain his 4 year old..ALL DAY LONG. And when I'd want a break, and go off into the bedroom, he'd put her in there with me. By the time I went back to work on monday, I was exhausted!! He'd wake me up early on weekends and expect me to cook them breakfast etc.. he had them EOW and I dreaded it! Finally I put my foot down and told him that I never wanted to be a mom, never wanted kids and I was damn well not going to raise his so he can lay around on the couch and play video games because he was too tired from work. Um hello, I work all week too, and by the time I get home Im tired as well.. and don't feel like taking care of someone elses kids!!

So I put my foot down, I had to. Why should I raise his kids when I never wanted my own? So I told him, either you take care of your own kids or Im out of this relationship! So he backed off. Since then, he's the one getting up with them at 7 am on weekends, making them breakfast, cleaning up after them, driving them where they need to go, etc..he had to have them for a month once.. he was responsible then too.
He was too tired to look after them after work? Too bad.. I was too, so I relaxed and watched tv, read, worked out, napped..whatever I felt like doing. He had to work late? Go to an appointment? Sorry but I wasn't going to leave work early or call in sick to watch his kids. He had to find other arrangements.
Now he doesn't even ask..he is 100% responsible for his kids and thats the way it should be.

Why should it be the woman to take care of them? A friend of mine married a man who got full custody and he's making her take care of them while he has all these "conferences" out of town all the time and while he's too "depressed" to take care of them but he isn't too depressed to go out with his friends and leave her at home looking after his kids. She's completely miserable..and thats definitely never gonna be me!

I do SOME, because I am a SAHM, so just for purely logistical reasons, since I am home and DH is not.

But I have cut back on almost everything and now I just drive them to/from school, make sure they don't set the house on fire when they are home, and sometimes make them lunch. (Although I just decided this week, no more lunch making since they cannot acknowlege me or say thanks, etc).

If I make dinner and its something they happen to like, they can eat. Otherwise, DH makes them something.

I stopped doing their laundry a long time ago.

Why would I do anything for Skids who constantly show their disdain for me? I only do what little I do for them, for DH's sake, to help him out.