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Is it normal to have less patience after having Skids?

Starla's picture

Is it normal to have less patience after having Skids?

If yes, how do you get back to normal from it?

There is space from Skids and I now and they were around a lot before.

Hullabaloo's picture

YES!!!! Remember, we are asked to care for, cook for, clean up after and chauffeur/taxi children that are not our own. Kids that many times behave in ways we do not like but cannot say anything about because dear old dad gets all defensive over his precious little child. We have little say in how they are disciplined. Our lives are no longer our own because our homes, our money, our schedule all revolves around them. Who wouldn't lose their patience? I know I do, and that's why I walk away sometimes, why I make plans with MY friends, go outside and smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves, etc.

The lack of patience among step-moms is normal.

PoppyDee's picture

I am so glad I found this forum. And comments like yours above. I feel like a terrible person for being annoyed, and even jealous, of his little princess. I have NO say in how she is parented, and yet I am expected to entertain and clean up after her. It's a really awful position to be in.

sbm014's picture

Yes we lose patience, but to me it has been being able to keep my distance and enjoy the time my SO is at work or we do not have SS to help cleanse my lack of patience.

I don't think there is a way to get back to normal, just give yourself space, give yourself time about you and I've noticed it helps me deal with SS when he is around and causing issues.

Starla's picture

the 20 min shower STILL cost less that a massage for 20 mins- what a brilliant way to look at it Smile

Thx guys and gals, glad to know its normal but sure don't want to imagine having them 24/7 again. My heart goes out to full time steppies!

Mainemom's picture

This is exactly what I have been thinking about for the past week- with my DS18 and DD15; seems like I had so much patience for them and their friends when they were younger but now with SD11, SD9, SS8- it appears I have lost ALL patience. And I ask myself, did my kids act this way at these ages? Have I selectively lost unpleasant memories? Or are the skids really that much different? It is just different. Right now, I feel like I do not like this person I have become as a SM.

Alittlelost's picture

I sure hope it's normal, otherwise I must be a Grade A basket-case... and I have only been doing this for six months Wink

Personally, I'm not sure how I could ever get back to "normal" either - perhaps this is the "shiny new me" I have to simply accept that I am hereafter.... God help me...!

fedup13's picture

Everything about myself has changed because of skid. Before I disengaged I had no patience, I had no memory, I had no tolerance, every little thing pissed me off, I felt pushed to my most outer limit, I felt used, emotionally abandoned by DH, mentally exhausted, physically ill, hopeless, distraught, full of pent up toxic rage, resentment thru the roof, pretty much a nervous breakdown mixed with sheer disgust.

Since I have disengaged, it has gotten better, but now, the after effects of being so mistreated are pretty bad. I have major anxiety, PTSD, depression, and still, just the sight or sound of skid, brings all those feelings back to the surface and reminds me of all I have lost and all I have been subjected to. Disengaging is good, but I think once you get to a certain point, it is jut prolonging the inevitable which is divorce.


fedup13's picture

I don't even know who I am anymore. I posted a quote from Sex and the City the the other day, Carrie is talking about how she is mad at herself for letting her life turn out like it did and what her younger self would think, and she said, "if I met me I wouldn't know me" and this is exactly how I feel. If the person I was 3 years ago was given an inside look at who I am today she would swear there is no way it could be me. I used to have goals, ambitions, interests, I used to look forward to the future, I used to have fun, I used to BE fun, I used to laugh. I used to care about things. I used to care about myself. I used to know myself. I am like you, every piece of me was shattered and now all the scars that are left make me unrecognizable. I disengaged before I even knew the actual term because I just reacted for sheer survival's sake. Now I am just a numb shell of a woman just going thru the motions and not really living at all.

I am glad your DH tries, but I see what you are saying, at this point, even if DH made a complete change, I don't even know that I could be receptive to it I am so give out.

ricky stoner's picture

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mamubhai's picture

I assure you that it is definitely not normal to lose your temper after having step kids. I am afraid that even thinking that it is normal would be like condone the behavior. If you are prone to losing your temper, try yoga. visit the site

katielee's picture

I definitely have less patience with my sd11 than I did my own kids when they were growing up. The other day I was pissed off because she took the whole can of whipped cream and squirted it straight into her mouth. I had bought it for brownie sundaes and didn't get a single drop of it. But then I remembered my kids used to squirt it straight into their mouths too. I fussed at them for it, but I wasn't nearly so angry. Maybe it's because I don't have the control over her that I had over my kids? Now I just hide food that I don't want her to devour. If she likes something, she will eat ALL of it in one sitting.

little_bug's picture

The main reason I lose patience with my ss is because he is stuck as a two yo and its not because of a mental issue. he chooses to wet himself and whine, and be stingy with everything. I don't know how to help him though. things that worked with my oldest and that r working with my youngest show zero improvement on the Step son. and its really driving my husband to resentment because the 2 that r always with us r so much more disciplined than his own boy.

hornet64's picture

I love it when men reply to these things as if they understand a woman's emotions. And for your information, mike... it is difficult to love skids who disrespect you and the dad lets it go time and time again because he doesn't want to be "bad daddy." Poorly behaved children that you have no control over their discipline are just difficult to love. So, I disagree with you completely... and I am not showing affection to a bratty little 8 year old who could snuff me out with one dirty look of hers.

karendow's picture

I never realized how much I lost myself in my stepfamily. We tried to make it work for 5 years. Just split up one year ago. So true about the "Carrie" comment from "fedup13". Being a stepmother 24/7 to 3 kids, one who had a baby in high school, brought out the worst qualities I didn't even know I had! The man has a responsibility as your spouse to hold you in the highest regard in front of his kids so they see you and he as a team. That is very difficult to nearly impossible for a Dad to do. The Dad spends most of his time managing damage control and trying to satisfy his own children at the expense of your dignity. I had no power in my stepfamily and my step kids new I didn't. It was not a happy ending. I have been on my own in apt. for a year now with my daughter and I am like a new person, who is the same loving and wonderful woman I knew was lost for a while, but now has been found again!

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MdMom's picture

I'm realizing its normal to lose patients with Bio and Skids. Thank God for babysitters and alone time... I feel like I'm gonnago CRAZY sometimes, even when SD isn't home. Lol

Kiwiflowers6's picture

I know I have less patients sometimes, but we have to remember to take a step back, breathe and remember to not get stressed out. They are only kids. Smile

asheeha's picture

yes! and i find that after adopting 3 kiddos, 3 years, 2 years, and 4 months, in addition to my 2 skids my patience is even less! how do we get to what we were before, modify your expectations and accept that life is messy and people are flawed? dunno...i'm trying to figure the same thing out!