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live and learn

Starla's picture

Hello everybody,

If you had known about Step Talk back when you fell in love, would you have read stories from others here? Would you have taken a page or two from another?

I would have read what other people were saying about being a stepparent and probably would have asked questions. I use to think that my Skids needed to be saved or something..they were like two abandoned aliens that stuck out like sore thumbs and needed a set of parents. Guess we all live and learn!

Interested in hearing your take and what your thoughts were.

2Tired4Drama's picture

ST has definitely been helpful for me, for sure. But I do wonder about the other side of the story - which is, stories of stepfamilies who are successful. Which you don't often find on here because this is a place to vent ... e.g. those who are having issues.

I doubt the existence of a "Happy Stepparent Site" - a place for stepparents to brag! Smile But there are certainly some families where it DOES work out OK.

So going back to your question - I think this site is supremely valuable for everyone to read through. And I do mean everyone - even those not involved yet with someone with children. Because statistically, most Americans WILL be involved with skids at some point in their lives.

Maybe they should have a mandatory "Stepfamily 101" for all school kids at the same time they do sex ed. Learning about stepkids may be enough to scare them all in to abstinence! LOL

amber3902's picture

When I was dating my BF I did not know about this site. However, I did find a step family website and started posting on there. The posters on there helped me through another year of the relationship.

I did ask the ladies on that site, if they had known what they know now, would they get involve with a man with kids. The answers were very telling.

It wasn't long after that post I realized that the relationship was not going to work. My BF did not want to change how he parented his son. In addition, we were getting ready to move in together, and two months before the lease my apartment was up, the BM decided that she was too busy with school and work for SS and offered to BF to have him. That was the nail in the coffin, so to speak. I was already having problems with SS and he was only with BF EOW and Wednesdays, I KNEW I could not handle this kid 24/7. He was spoiled, didn't listen and whenever I said anything to BF about his son, it caused an argument.

I don't know if I would have broken up with him, if I hadn't read about other women's experiences with men with kids. Now I can tell other women about my experience and hopefully they can learn from it.

mandymandy2871's picture

Looking back at my decisions and 8 years into this deal, I would say if I had found this site, I would not have stayed with my DH and just looked forward to the "meant to be" if it was indeed so, in 2022. Hate my life (which I have never been that type person), no control or planning is available, at all, and every time you think you can BM f's it up. My advice is that just don't do it. NO matter how unique and special your love and relationship is, it is not worth your life. Live a good life and get together when the kids are graduated, BM gets NO more support, and DH can be a human focused first on God, second on his wife and marital relationship, then third on his family.

My 50 cents.

feelinglost's picture

I need to hear/read posts like this ^ more to let go off the love I felt/ feel for my exbf. He was totaly my soul mate but I left bc of his kids even though I hadn't experienced any drama from them but reading through this site and talking to older women some with step kids I got hesitant and uncertain about the future of the relationship and just couldn't commit despite a lot of pressure from exbf who I loved. Trouble was he lived in a different province so I wasn't aware of the whole family situation. I had met the kids one time and talked o the phone few times and they were awesome but I did know that the daughter was the clingy type and was affected by the divorce of her parents. I walked away and it has been hard to say the least coz at times I feel immense guilt just not being there for them or filling the gap they had in their lives. They did need a mother figure etc.

BSgoinon's picture

Ya know... I was about 6 months, maybe a year, in to my relationship with DH when I found this site. We have now been together for 8 years. I am very grateful I found this site. It has been a saving grace for my marriage. DH doesn't want to hear me bitch and moan about the stupid shit BM does. HE KNOWS she is stupid, that's why he divorced her. He doesn't need me to remind him of this. Therefore, I come here and tell you lovely people about it Wink

I have learned a lot here. What TO do, what NOT to do... I have learned to appreciate my family because frankly... some of you ladies here have it pretty shitty.

I have learned to NOT allow BM to rent space in my head. I have learned how and WHEN to pick my battles. I have even learned to put up with BM's crap that really doesn't effect me one way or the other... it just irritates me. I have learned the difference. I can't control anyone but myself.

Step-Volgirl's picture

Over on thebump they have a blended family forum that is more....happy.

Personally, I ST more "real" - being in a blended is hard as hell!! But even at the worst of times, I'm still glad I made this commitment.

sixteensmom's picture

Well... I was going to be the perfect SM, you know, and there'd never be any drama, the bm would love me, and all her friends, even her family would come to my home for skids birthdays and we'd all have Thanksgiving together. DH would never have felt guilty or play disney-car buyer-tuition payer-dad. All things would have been fair, they'd call me mom, I'd love them, why would I have needed to look up how to raise skids, I already knew it all......

Wait, let me dust off the ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME rainbow pixie glitter...

Oh, if only.. *sigh*