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The beginning stage of healing.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I no longer feel the intense stress I had been feeling every day. But I became so used to the constant chaos that I still am irrationally anxious all the time fearing something crazy will happen even though I know that SKs are gone and not coming back. 

I have become less moody and withdrawn. Yesterday was the first time since I can remember sitting in my own living room and watching a movie. 

Normally I would sit out in the living room for maybe 20 min and would quietly leave due to the aggravation and go to my room for some solitude and to try and relax before bed. 

SO has been here but for some reason that I truly don't know I have been distant and unaffectionate. I can't tell how or what I am feeling right now. It's almost like after immediately experiencing a traumatic event. You are numb. The actual thoughts and emotions related to the event haven't hit you yet. 

 

Comments

Zenmode's picture

I mean don't throw a party or anything once it finally hits you that your home is now YOUR home again. I would be a bit shell shocked too. Enjoy the peace and quiet, you deserve it. Maybe plan a movie night with SO and find a groove and help him feel how nice it is too. 

ndc's picture

I'm not surprised you're distant and unaffectionate with SO.  He has put you through a lot of trauma with his kids, and he hasn't been a good partner.  Pulling back seems like a defense mechanism and anticipating the inevitable. Frankly, I'll be surprised if your relationship makes it through this.  Your lives are now completely different - you are finding peace and he's descending into more chaos as he becomes more responsible for his completely out of control daughters, and without you there to support him and be the scapegoat.  If he can't leave his kids alone while he's working, I'm not sure when he's going to have much free time, because it wouldn't be right for him to stick his mother with his kids when he's NOT at work.  There's too much time between now and when those kids aren't minors.  I hope whatever is best for you works out.

tog redux's picture

I agree this is trauma, and it will take a while to get back to yourself. Maybe take a little vacation from your SO for a couple weeks? Settle in and get back into a routine.  You care for him, but honestly, he's part of the trauma too.

CajunMom's picture

It's going to take a while to recover. I agree with Tog....possibly take a vacation from SO. Give yourself time to get accustomed to having your home back....enjoying the peace....enjoying every inch of your home. Several weeks where you can come and go as you please, enjoy walking into your QUIET PEACEFUL home after a day of work or an outing. Plan some evenings out with friends...or hell, have friends over! You have a home again!!

Best to you, Wicked. You deserve so much more.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Weather pending I plan I finishing setting up my backyard this weekend so I can have friends over to relax by the fire. It became a regular thing during COVID and I actually enjoyed it.   I have most of it done, just some landscaping stuff left. 

It will be the first time in years without SDs constant embarrassing nonsense. I actually can't wait for drama free evenings. 

Gimlet's picture

It probably feels like being able to exhale for the first time in a long time.  I'd let those feelings wash over you and sit with them as they happen.  It's going to take time to shake them all out.

I agree with the others that it's been a traumatic experience for you.  

Glad you are going to be able to relax with some friends soon.