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Progress - maybe (I’m not getting my hopes up)

Trying to Stepmom's picture

Just dropped SD13. The weekend wasn’t awful. Just typical skid junk. I say typical, but it needs to not be typical. 

DH said she had a great time with him at the football game on Friday. She even told him not to let her sleep too late on Saturday. We were both shocked at this!

He managed to get her up on Saturday and we went for breakfast. Afterward she fell asleep on the couch. I thought it was ironic but I didn’t care too much. I was busy playing with DD and DH was busy doing housework (I love him so much for that!).

Then we needed to go and get shoes for SD to wear with her dress for her sister’s wedding. SD is so awkward in anything that is not sweatpants and tennis shoes. She seemed fine with the shoes and I even bought myself a pair!

After more shopping, DH took the girls with him to get his hair cut. I was able to do some grocery shopping and actually made dinner! With our schedules I don’t get to cook as much as I like. 

I threw something together and it turned out pretty good. It was a struggle to get both girls to the dinner table though. DH was raving about the meal and all SD could say was that she didn’t like it. She actually put a plateful of pasta on her plate and then dumped it back in the pot - what?!? DH was shocked and I was not afraid to tell her that was disgusting and you don’t do that with food. She then sat down, grabbed the chicken , cut a piece and took the most amount of time possible to put it in her mouth. She chewed and then popped up, went to the fridge and said she needed BBQ sauce. Mind you, I made the chicken with Italian seasoning. I was trying to bite my tongue so hard! She might have heard my disgust. Sometimes I just can’t help it. 

She then proceeded to turn in her chair so that her back was facing us. I tapped DH on the leg and he started asking her questions, which lead to her turning back around. 

We then tried to have family movie night but a few minutes into the movie, she left the room and spent the rest of the movie in her sister’s room, rocking in the rocking chair and being on her phone. And I even made it a point for me not to be on my phone!

I spoke with DH last night and brought up the dinner convo where SD was talking about not getting along with some girls that she might be put in a group with. She spoke about not liking being around one girl and that she couldn’t stand to look at her face. I told DH that SD should just treat the girls the way she treats me (ignoring them, not looking at them). I was half joking but he said “yeah, I’ll tell her.” I asked for clarification because he agreed so quickly that I thought maybe he didn’t hear me and was falling asleep. Nope, he 100% agreed to what I said.  

Fast forward to this morning. I feel kind of bad about bringing some of these things to DH’s attention, because he takes it personally. At least he realizes it’s his mistake (he actually used the word mistake for SD not doing some of these things for herself). 

I was on my way to get ready and walked by the bathroom after SD got out of the shower. I was going to turn off the light (because she left it on) and I noticed the bathtub full of water. She did not take a bath, she took a shower. I told DH to take a look and he didn’t at first. The look on his face when he saw the tub was priceless - total shock! Of course he drained the tub but then did talk to SD about it. She claims she didn’t know how to fix it. A 13yo doesn’t know how to drain a bathtub?!? Arg!

Now we’re dropping her off and waiting for BM to get there. SD states she has basketball practice tomorrow but doesn’t know what time. Before that, DH and SD were standing outside the back of the car. I wondered if he was talking to her about our convo last night. Then BM shows up and DH is talking to her. SD pops her head in car and says “thanks so much for everything, especially the shoes because I really like them.” Uh, what? After so got over my initial shock I told her “you’re welcome.”

On our way home, I asked DH if he said anything to her and I told him what she said to me. He said he did not prompt her to say “thank you.” I asked him about what we talked about last night and he did say he told her and when he did she had a look on her face like a lightbulb went off. So maybe she put two and two together. 

Progress? Maybe. Time will tell. 

Comments

Trying to Stepmom's picture

DH took SD to get her dress altered (he originally wanted me to take her - hell no!).

SD has no sense of urgency or consideration for other people’s time and the alterationist was the opposite. SD is very shy and awkward in anything dressy or remotely revealing. The lady was standing by the platform with her hand out to help SD get up there and apparently SD was taking a snail’s pace. As well was waking all hunched over. 

SD also needed some alterations done at the breast line of the dress and DH said the alterationist (in her straightforward, insistent way) told SD to go back in the dressing room and “pull up her boobs.” *ROFL*

SD is not a big girl up top but it was just funny to hear DH relay the story. SD said it was terrifying. LOL

DH also relayed the story to his oldest daughter and she didn’t seemed surprised by the demeanor of the alterationist and giving no sympathy to SD13. 

LOL

NotSoStepStepmom's picture

She sounds like a typical 13 year old girl... which is not at all fun to deal with. LOL!

And yeah, my DH always has to remind SD to say “thank you” for things. I’ve concluded that this generation of kids are just entitled and ungrateful, in general. I see it so often and I’ve heard it from my friends that are parents or educators. It’s unfortunate!

Trying to Stepmom's picture

I also work with kids her age, so I see a variety of kids that are grateful and then some that it would be like pulling teeth to get them to say thank you. 

My OSD26 just shared a post on Facebook about how this generation should be grateful and appreciative but it seems to be the opposite because they’ve been given everything - they haven’t had to deal with things like the Great Depression, world wars, and even our lowest income people have more than those in other countries. 

I know what would have happened to me if I acted like that at the dinner table and DH talks about when he was a kid. So why should it be different for SD? Two words:  daddy guilt.