DH and I are not talking to each other. More accurately, ...
Help!
DH and I are not talking to each other. More accurately, he’s spitting mad at me and I don’t really understand why.
The story:
I noticed DD2, DH and SD9 (PEBT) had gone into our bedroom. DD sometimes thinks that it’s fun just to get on Mum & Dad’s bed. I went through as well and promptly tripped over PEBT’s shoes at the bottom of our bed. I said: “PEBT, please remove your shoes...” Seeing that she was just going to move them around the bed, I added “… to your bedroom.” She left them there on the other side of the bed, so I said: “PEBT, you know, now dad will just fall over them or I will again when I walk around that side of the bed.”
So H pipes up and says: “She can take them when she leaves the room. She only took them off so that she can get on the bed as well.”
I said: “Thank you for your support” and left the room. Now he isn’t talking to me. I ask something like “shall I switch the kettle on and he doesn’t answer me. He didn’t say goodnight last night, not goodbye this morning (ducked away from me when it looked like I might be coming in his direction), didn’t help with DD’s snack or drink for preschool, etc. HE’s angry at ME!
I don’t even know why I’m surprised. There was a scene before, where PEBT wanted the music turned up in the car (we were both in the back because my brother was sitting in front with H). I asked H to not turn the volume up because it was loud enough already in the back and he went ahead and disregarded me and turned it up for her.
H gets totally irrationally angry when I even start to discuss anything to do with PEBT and then I wonder why I can’t reclaim my house, like you guys told me to do in my previous post. I’m not allowed to, because I get undermined by H.
Thank you so much for all your help last time. I read your responses and cried, because I knew that there are people out there who understand.
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SD is not with us all the
SD is not with us all the time, but she visits for long periods - 4 mnths the last time, 3,5 mnths back with BM now 2 mnths with us again. BM lives in a neighbouring country and then goes off to the UK to work. (Don't even get me started on the home schooling issues).
You asked what SD said or did - she just did what her dad had said she could do. DD - she's just 2 so no reaction there. Mind you, we weren't using harsh tones or anything so it didn't sound like any big argument. I just feel undermined and can't understand why he must now be so terribly angry at me.
The radio incident REALLY pissed me off as well. My mistake though is that I never said anything about it again - and just look, it still bothers me.
Thanks for the support!
I feel your pain... this sort
I feel your pain... this sort of stuff happens to me all the time... what really angers me however is I can say anything to DD2 or BS13 and there is no drama... as soon as I open my mouth to say something to SS8.5 DH gets on the defensive... it's getting old.
This morning SS 8.5 was up at his usual 5am. He said he thought it was 8am because the small hand was on the 3 and the big hand was on the 8... so I said "Have you been up since 4am?".. (or 3:40 to be specific)... and he didn't even have a chance to answer.. DH pipes up and says "No he hasn't"...so I stewed for a bit...but sick of DH answering for SS...so I said "Did you check on him at 4am?" DH says "No I was sleeping"...so I said "Well then, how could you possibly know??"..and that was that... it's such BS... I can hardly stand it anymore.
Yip, to my mind H is much
Yip, to my mind H is much harder on BD, who is 2!
Regarding this issue, I can just see him coming up with something like "I never hear you telling DD to pick up her shoes"
Anyway, I don't know why I should even bother telling SD anything - she doesn't talk to me. I could be holding a bag a candy or whatever, while H is driving and she'll ask HIM if she could have some. If I don't greet her first in the morning, she'll walk right on by without saying good morning. AND it's not her fault.
I feel like she's being 'taught' that what I say or want doesn't matter.
Thanks for the support. Hope things get better.
Yuk I've been there. SO
Yuk
I've been there. SO didn't speak to me for days once because I pulled a ponytail out of SD5's hair. Her hair was very, very short but her mother would pull a few strands up and put a pokey up ponytail on top of her head - like a sumo wrestler. Actually, her mother does it too, she keeps SD5 in the same haircut/style that she has but the mini-me aspect is another story.
I HATE those ponytails. Very short hair in a ponytail on top of the head is one of the few things that just drives me absolutely nuts. It always has. I don't know why.
Anyway, they'd been over for about an hour or so and I'd been playing with them. Then we were in the kitchen and I said 'hey, SD5, come here. I said something like 'you don't really need this, do you?'. She nodded no and I just plucked it out.
SO was LIVID. Went on and on about how disrespectful I was...in front of her - how he knows I hate her, etc... Thing is, she didn't mind at all!
Well, a couple days later DD3 had stuck some clips in her hair - all over like a 3 year old will do and SO reached over and plucked one out without saying anything to her. I didn't say a word. I just looked at him with raised eyebrows. He started going on and on about how it wasn't the same thing.
Anyway, we're mostly past that now. He's on board about his kids and about sticking up with me for the most part. That's what you need. It's vital to the success of your relationship with him and with his kids.
my DH will pull shit like
my DH will pull shit like that when he thinks that i favor one of his kids over the other. if he thinks that i'm being too bossy with ss15, dh will be bossy toward me - it's a see how you like it type of thing to get me to realize what ss15 must feel when i talk to him like that. total bullshit for start because if Dh would just say something to the kid i wouldn't have to and i've just quit trying because it's not worth my time. maybe your dh is thinking that you're being mean or singling out his child and he feels she's being targeted?? just a thought
This is exactly how it is in
This is exactly how it is in my house. MY SD10.5 has been taught that the world revolves around her. I have been undermined so many times in front of SD I can't even count anymore. It is to the point that when SD is here I do not trust or respect her and worst of all it isn't even my house anymore. She completely takes over everything. I understand where you are coming from. We are currently finishing up an addition to our house and boyfriend is in a hurry to get it done so SD can enjoy it. Whatever! This addition was for him and I, not HER!!! I feel so defeated lately with it all. When SD is here next time I have training for student teaching this fall and I am scared out of my mind. Not about student teaching, but about leaving my babies (2 puppies) at home with them. SD is completely irresponsible. All I can say is I understand completely how you feel!