Siblings?
OK guys, I'm heartsick with worry about this one. Does anyone have any good stories about how the skids acted when they came for their visit and they had a baby brother/sister?
I go for my ultrasound tomorrow but I can't help but worry about everything ahead of us. Munchkin has already said and done a few things to make me think she is not going to be happy when this baby comes and she has to share her dad.
Me and Dh talked about this last night, after me reading him the horror stories on here. We can't seem to figure out what we would do in a situation where it is obvious munchkin wants to hurt the baby (or in Dh's words "She doesn't understand what hurts so I think it would just be forceful playing" yea right, she used to hit and kick the cat... that wasen't forceful playing, that was her hurting something smaller then her) We've decided she'd get an automatic time out if she hit the baby in anyway. But then I asked, well what if she comes out of time out and does it again? (I'm personally thinking a good spanking might help) But neither of us could come up with anything.
This pregnancy has been one from hell, I am currently experiencing some harsh pain in my right side that the Dr thinks is either a cyst on my ovary or a swollen ovary. I move, I cry.... its that bad. This is day two of this pain so I'm still hoping it will go away. But back to the point, I am soo excited to be a mom. So excited to meet this little person who is half me and half my dh. (Ohhh I hope it has his eyes!!!) The thought of anyone hurting this child puts me in a dangerous emotional state. I told dh, if sd does anything to this child she better fucking hope its him around to stop her. 3 1/2 is old enough to know what hurts.
So any good stories about skids arond the NCP's biokids? Any suggestions on how to deal with things?
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My Sd will be 4 years old.
My Sd will be 4 years old. She is an only child (Bm and Dh had a fling... out pops SD)
"Make the skids a priority in as many decisions, conversations, purchases, etc that you can." We only have her EOWE so its really hard to get her into things. I have a great book "In the Womb" with full colour pics of a developing baby that we "read" together. But that has brough up some crazy questions.... "If the baby is growing in your belly, where's the mommy?" "I don't want my daddy to be baby's daddy." "Does the baby cry in your belly? Will the baby cry when I push her down?"
I don't know how to get Sd involved. She doesn't like to be around just me, she's a huge daddy's girl. We were thinking about getting her a picture from the ultrasound but alot of people say thats just silly. idk
"An idea that might work is to get a 'baby' - a doll - and use that as practice for your SD."
I'm not allowed to touch her toys, unless I'm picking them up... :S
"she dislocated one of my ribs"
OMG!!! That sucks, but I'm sure thats what I'm in for! Its just the way things are going. I couldn't eat for the first 3 1/2 months and now I got that pain in my side. Grrr lol. Its gotta be a girl. Boys are never this hard to get along with!
I think you might encounter
I think you might encounter some difficulties b/c it sounds like this little girl doesn't have a good relationship with you *yet
We used to have a great relationship but since her mom moved her away to live with a boyfriend, and that fell through we have not had much time together. I have been trying to get Dh to step up and be a parent. Sd is already telling her mom (for the shock factor I think) that she doesn't like me. Its what her grandmother wants to hear. But Sd is also telling us that Mom's pig bites her and a bunch of other awful stuff, just trying to get attention. I found out after talking to sd that Mom's pig bites her, because she hits the pig.
I can't push to have a good relationship with this kid. I want to have a working relationship, but the days where she loved me seem to be over. She won't let me touch her hair anymore, because "that's mommies job". She doesn't like me playing with her because she wants her dad to be there instead. I just try to stay out of it.
As for the toy thing, she has never had to share, except when I was taking care of her pre-trial. Her dad is getting to the point of making her. I figure its his job.
I know this sounds like I'm brushing off your good advice but I'm not trying to. Maybe next time we have her, and she sees how much effort I put into making her a "little mermaid" room in our new house, she'll be more receptive of me. Its sad but the only thing this little girl seems to understand is what people give her.
Awwww thats soooooo cute!!!!
Awwww thats soooooo cute!!!! I'm totally hoping something like this happens but I'm alittle afraid because this was how she was acting before she moved in with her grandma (who hates me) and now she seems to hate the idea of a baby. I reallu hope grandma is not telling her dumb shit, but I wouldn't put it past her. She was the one who made a fuss to Sd when Sd first learnt I was her step mom. Something me and Dh never talked to her about... (I'm working with Dh to get him to understand better that Sd is a little person who needs to be told these things)
I agree include her in as
I agree include her in as many decisions as "reasonably" possible....even if it's little things to you they will be really big things to her. My SD who was 9 when we found out I was pregnant...very loudly voiced her opinion that she did not want a baby brother or sister and that I needed to not be pregnant......we started to include her in ultrasounds and such and she came around and things were good until our BD was about 14 months old...then BM and SD pulled some shit and SD didn't come to our house for 6 months....she has been coming back now since the middle of November for Thursday-Sunday visits EVERY week...and just this past weekend I caughter her purposely smashing my almost 2 year old BD's fingers in a drawer.......So I say to you, be on guard when it comes to the baby, but at the same time don't let your SD know that you are on guard...if she senses that tension and animosity from you she is more likely to do something irrational. Good luck!
"if my skids EVER EVER hurt
"if my skids EVER EVER hurt my baby they'd be out on the front porch by their ears."
What to you would constitute "hurting"? Thats where me and Dh are having problems. I figure if sd hits biobaby once, then is punished, and does it again in the same time frame (like day) I would be calling BM. Especailly in the first year. idk I think that 4 years difference is too much for them to have the playful sibling hitting ect. What do you guys think?
When choochoo was 5 and sd
When choochoo was 5 and sd was 9, she threw a playstation remote at his face and busted his lip.
After I got choochoo fixed up,making sure teeth weren't broken or anything, I marched up the stairs, busted her door open to start screaming at her and DH was sitting on her bed holding her telling her it was ok and he understands she threw it by accident and that it was ok and he understands she's sorry.
I freaked out and don't think I ever recovered from that incident. They're 4 years apart. The rules about hitting need to be defined and agreed upon. write a contract and have DH sign it in blood if you have to because the hitting thing is just not acceptable.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~
I freaked out and don't
I freaked out and don't think I ever recovered from that incident. They're 4 years apart. The rules about hitting need to be defined and agreed upon. write a contract and have DH sign it in blood if you have to because the hitting thing is just not acceptable.
BBB you're my hero! This is a great idea. I'll see what I can come up with as a contract and post it on both sites for some input before I make Dh sign it. I don't think any hitting between the two would be appropriate. I can't seem to get that through Dh's head though. You know how kids that are close will fight right?? Like I'm sure Biobaby will get in some wrestling matches with the next baby (I'm hoping two years apart at the max) but thats different. 4 years can do some damage.
What ended up happening with ChooChoo and his step sister? Did they grow out of it?
aww thanks:) I remember one
aww thanks:)
I remember one time my brother (4years older than me) was picking on me and called me bubblebutt and I kicked him in the balls...my mother was ready to kill me for that. I was in so much trouble. Then one time I was picking on him so bad that his swung his gym bag and hit me in the face, busted my lip open and everything...my mother was like, "well barbie, you shouldn't have been picking on him so bad...learn when to shut up."
lol
choochoo and sd are fine now, they adore each other as far as I know. Sd knows if she ever touches choochoo again she'll have my size 7 shoe wedged so far up her behind she'll be tasting leather in her mouth. choochoo never hits so he's not a problem in that area.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."
"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~
My skids love their brother
My skids love their brother & vice versa. On Sunday SS9 was gone from 7am to 4:30 at a boyscout event. The boys have to be back at BM's at 5pm ( 5 minuets away) We were talking to SS9 to see how the day had gone when he burst into tears because he had not seen his little brother all day and he was napping & he had missed him. I had him go upstairs with me to wake BS up. I had DH call BM & see about keeping the boys an extra 1/2 hour so the two of them could see each other.
Every Friday BS goes through this thing where he asks me if his brothers are coming home with Daddy. He gets very upset when they have their weekend with their BM & when they have to leave at night. He is possitive that BM is hiding them from him. I try & explain that they have to spend time with their mommy & last night he informed me that I am their mommy, even though he KNOWS BM is.Sometimes he tells me that "he no like their mommy" because she has them on a weekend. That is kind of a bittersweet. They all love each other so much.
"when he burst into tears
"when he burst into tears because he had not seen his little brother all day and he was napping & he had missed him"
Awww!!! How often do you have the boys?
They are with us every
They are with us every afternoon for about an hour & a half & on alternating Tues/Thursday they stay for dinner till 8pm & then EOW. In the summer they stay over on Wed night & DH works from home on Thursdays. This summer I will be working at home on Mondays ( used to be Fridays which their BM does as well) so they will either be dropped off Mon morning or I am hoping just stay over on our Sunday night & be home with me & BS during the day.
We only live 4 miles apart from BM & in the summer have baseball almost everynight so we are with the boys a lot. That also means their mom as well, hence the reason I try very hard to have a good relationship.
My SS12 and SS14 are SO
My SS12 and SS14 are SO incredible with their baby brother BS1! They came to visit us at the hospital after he was born and the youngest had us take a picture of him giving him a kiss and wanted us to keep it as a memento of BS first kiss
My BS is SO excited when we come home and the boys are there! They play with him and if he is crying, will try to console him.
My DH and I told them early on so they could get used to the idea of us having a baby together. We got them involved in trying to come up with a name (although we picked the one we liked) and we had them help decorate the room too.
When SS come over, we tell them about milestones that they maybe missed while they were gone and so now every time they are over, SS14 asks "So what can BS1 do now?"
I really could not have pictured a better relationship between them. Hopefully that will not change in the future!!
Aww thats great! Older kids
Aww thats great! Older kids can be so understanding about things like that! I'm happy for you! Its gotta make you feel more like part of the family eh?
SS10 and SD11 seemed
SS10 and SD11 seemed genuinely happy to have a little sibling. I think SS10 was relieved it was a girl, because he is still a bit of a baby and doesn't want to share his toys etc. SD11 is really enthusiastic about helping and being a good-big sister.
We got them used to the idea that they'd have a sibling from early on, but did not inform them until more than halfway through the pregnancy. They needed a lot of reassurance that "daddy loves them all equally", to counter anything negative BM was saying.
Having dad (or grandma) around to say, "When you were a baby I (or your mom) did that for you too" when they are jealous has also been helpful. Mentally prepare yourself for hearing about when SD was a baby, it might stir up some emotions in you.
Hitting should be absolutely unacceptable, doesn't matter whose baby is being hit. SD should be disciplined reasonably (by you and her dad together) for her age, 4 is old enough to understand that hitting hurts.
Lastly, every single pain seems worth it when your bundle of joy finally arrives. Keep strong!