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Making herself a statistic...

Thetis's picture

Well we thought BM was doing good and starting to get her stuff together. Hahaha. She is now expecting her second "ooopsies" since the birth of her first. The first Ooopsies was "taken care of" but I think she is planning on keeping this baby, since it is all over FB that she's pregnant. I wish she could have waited another month so me and DH could meet our unborn LO, before having to worry about SD's life being drastically changed across the board.
Bm has been with this new guy for three months and only spends time with him on the weekends, since he does not live in our town. Actually we're pretty sure he lives in his parent's basement.
She was doing soo much better for herself, she had a posistion as a volenteer firefighter, she had a job. She was getting things together. Now at 21 she's going to be having her second child from another man and all of her plans are going to have to change.
I hope SD is the one to break out of this cycle. Her maternal grandma had a baby at 17, then another at 21, and after alot of drama she found a good guy and got married, having two more children 8 years later. It looks like BM is following in the same pattern. I hope SD does not have to go through everything her aunt did. That many guys in and out of a child's life can be scarring and very dangerous.

Thanks for letting me rant. I hope this does not take away from SD. She doesn't have much to begin with.
(Side note: me and DH were together for a year before trying to have a baby. I have a ring on my finger and my name on the mortgage, so I'm not exactly being hypocritical towards BM. We planned this out, she's just flying by the seat of her pants)


aggravated1's picture

Why, are you going to then be judgemental if she isn't married? What difference does that make?

Thetis's picture

Wow... I'm not bashing BM (or BMs everywhere... wtf?). I am venting my worries. If you don't like it don't read it.
Bm is a friend's little sister. I am worried about her. She doesn't even know this guy. At least she knew Dh when she slept with him and got knocked up, he was friends with her older sister too.

I just wanted to see her do well, and I know that she is not happy. Sometimes it is hard for me to take her actions with a grain of salt and this is one for those times.

caya506's picture

Sounds to me like you aren't bashing BM, you are just concerned that she is not thinking before acting and you would like to see her do better for herself.

aggravated1's picture

I wasn't responding to you, Thetis-I was responding to BlendedFam.
Sorry if that wasn't clear, I replied to her post.

Thetis's picture

I know it seems judgemental. The posters that have been around this site for longer will understand though. This girl acts on impulse, and even though she can convince everyone its a well thought out plan, it always blows up in her face.
Yes SD will have our new baby to contend with, however she only sees us EOWE for now, and she has had plenty of time to get used to me being in her life before she had to get used to the idea of me having a baby. Also this is my first pregnancy, this is her third, and I have three years on her. She takes care of herself the same way she takes care of her daughter, when she feels like it. (She is always leaving her daughter with her mother or older sister)

And about the marriage thing, no I am not married. We had a date (that was set before we concieved) but my first trimester was sooo terrible I thought that I would be unable to do anything through my pregnancy and that includes planning a wedding. So I called it off, and set a new date with DH. Which gives us more time to plan.

I know you don't know me. I'm really not a terrible person. I'm just afraid of what this means for both SD and BM, because really there is nothing me and DH can do to help if this becomes a train wreck like all of her other spur of the moment plans.

Thetis's picture

"why is the FB being looked at, how do you know she is pregnant, if you arent on her page?"
I'm friends with her older sister. I am not Face stalking BM or anything crazy. I just know because my friend is a little pissed since her and her husband have been trying to have another baby for two years and now her little sister is having another baby she doesn't want.

Thetis's picture

DF was never married. And I do see what you mean.
Its just disappointing for me to see her make the same mistake she made before, but I guess at least shes in a relationship with the guy this time. She was doing quite well for herself. She's like 110lbs soaking wet and she ran as well as any of the other male firefighters! But she's got a bad obstrical history, so for her to be healthy she's going to have to give it up.

Thetis's picture

Hmmm... I wonder if you could be talking about BMs family.

Bm's sister, one of my friends, was raped by Bm's father. At a VERY young age. And when he was out of the picture my friend had to raise BM and then the next two.

I'm not trying to say that this stuff always repeats its self, I'm just disappointed in BM. She was changing things in her life.

Thetis's picture

Its nice to know that some people get my fears. I really am terrible at trying to get out what I feel without sounding like a bitch. I'm not trying to step on toes or make assumptions.

Where are all the older posters???

stepkate's picture

I see how BM's situation could be concerning, but as far as worrying about your SD...I must look at siblings completely differently. I never thought I lost a thing when my younger sibs were born. Sure, we fought over things like cereal and toys, but in the end, my sibs have always been there for me, and now that we're adults, they are my very best friends. They're the ones who will stick by me no matter what I do, and I have no idea what I would do without them.

I think your SD is gaining far more than she is losing.

Thetis's picture

Thank you sooooooo much for finding a different (brighter) light for me to focus on. I'm super hormonal and bitchy right now so thinking about things in a nice way isn't the easiest. I have been worried about BM and how she is going to deal with this and how that is going to affect SD, but it would be sooo much easier to think about how much Sd will be getting out of it even if BM is in a worse posistion.