Dead-beat BM always in our wallet
I know a lot of you out there know what I'm talking about. We all try to provide financially for the SK's who live with their BM's. We all want a lot of things for our kids (bio or step) but sometimes that just isn't always financially possible.
BM has been harassing us since August 1st of last year ('07) because she decided SD12 needed to see the orthodontist because she might need braces...she'd let us know. Anyway, the next time SD was here (about 1 1/2 weeks later) she told us she really doesn't wanna get braces because BM had been telling her she'll probably have to have some teeth pulled plus braces...all of which will be painful...and SD doesn't think her teeth are that bad (and neither does DH and myself) We told SD that we'd email BM and let her know how SD really feels about it because SD thought that would help change BM's mind.
Anyway, we got email back from BM (3 days later) telling us that SD said she wants braces and proceeded to lecture us about oral hygiene and that she (BM) will do whatever is necessary....PERIOD!
Keep in mind that DH and BM have Joint Legal Custody and DH is supposed to have a say in decisions like this.....but never actually gets a say.....It's BM's way or no way.....Know what I mean???
Anyway, October 26th SD delivers a letter from BM along with copies from the Orthodontists office (dated Oct 9th). Paperwork is an overview of SD's exam and a breakdown of the charges for braces....Letter from BM letting us know the cost is $5200 minus $1500 (insurance) = balance to split...$3600 or $1800 apiece and BM was generous enough to give us two options to pay...1. balance in full by Mar/08 or 2. $82.00 mo for 22 months...."let us know how you intend to pay your half"
HOW GENEROUS!!!!!!
It has only escalated from there....we made suggestions of waiting for a little while longer...Don't know what the rush is....especially since SD doesn't even want or even really need the braces...we've gotten hateful emails, emails full of lectures and personal attacks from BM and SF ever since.
Anyway, regardless of SD or DH's feelings on the matter, BM took SD to the orthodontist on Jan 2nd and SD got the braces. Within a month, what little misalignment SD had was nearly straightened out. Now someone please tell me, do teeth straighten out that fast if braces are so desperately needed?????
As some of you may know from my posts, over the last couple weeks BM has been demanding 3 months worth of paystubs to make sure she's getting enough child support (and she is) and last night we received another email from her about the braces and how she's contacted lawyers (oooh we're so scared) and is still demanding the 3 months worth of paystubs.
GAWD DH AND I ARE SICK OF THIS HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!! :SICK:
We sent BM an email earlier and let her know that you can't get blood out of a turnip...basically.
We'll see what kind of NASTY response we get this time.
If you read this entire thing.....thanks for your patience with my ramblings.
ANY ADVICE IS APPRECIATED!!!!!
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Comments
Joint custody
So BF did not agree to the braces, then BM should foot the whole bill. BM was asked to wait and she chose not to and now she wants BF to pay. NO WAY!
Try this one - BM and BF agree to buy the child a car. They agree on $3000 - each paying half. BM buys the child a car for $5000 and expects BF to pay an additional $1000 without consulting him on the purchase. I think its the same concept.
I asked my BF how he would handle this situation and first he said he would be pissed because he did not agree to the braces and he would refuse to pay for them. BM's name is on the bill not BF, therefore, she is liable to the orthodontist. Make sure his name is not on the billings.
Agree however....
I agree with what you are saying completely. We are in the same boat here, hubby has joint custody, ex has physical custody (or day to day). We have come to discover that joint custody means squat!!
However, if she did take this one to court, she would win and you would have to pay your share for braces, plus your lawyer fees and possibly BMs court costs as well. Braces are something I am certain the courts would allow as being an expense to be divided between parents.
I also agree with you that how come all of a sudden the kids teeth can be corrected so soon. We have a BM that plays all kinds of lovely jokes on us....is just a plain b**ch basically messing with our minds over costs of this, cost of that, that we never know one thing from the next....makes you very leary of everything that comes from her.
The paperwork you received, did the specialist give you the breakdown or was it BM that gave you a breakdown...might be in the best interest of dad to call that office himself to find out what the heck is going on with the childs teeth & the cost of things. Just my suggestion though.
Remember, the BM always has to have the control & the $....that is their primary issues!!
Corie
I wouldn't pay a dime!
Not a chance!! Our BM has tried to pull the same things. She got SD7 CONTACTS and BM bought an entire year supply at once and SD could only wear them for a month. My DH didn't agree with them therefore he didn't have to pay for them and this was ran through our attorney first. You have the email of communications in which you clearly stated you were against it for now and she did it anyway? This was not a medical emergency so they can't make DH accountable.
braces
i had a small overlap at the front of my teeth which was only needed to stop the tooth behind it rotting with it being the front teeth my dentist thought this was appropaite any way in order to just do this they had to remove one tooth and i had my braaces about 2 years for this tiny problem and have a perminet brace attached to the back of my teeth now for the rest of my life
lucky for me i live in england and all this was free on the NHS
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )
Repayment terms
All three of my skids have had braces and now we're looking at putting our son in them. The payment terms you describe sound like how the orthodontist broke it down for us. You can pay it in one lump sum or you can pay it in monthly increments. I think that part is pretty standard, but I would make any payments directly to the orthodontist and not to her.
As to whether or not you have to pay, I think that is largely dependent upon how the order is worded. Just because he doesn't agree doesn't always mean he doesn't have to pay, but then again, it also isn't medically necessary and he is supposed to have a say in the decision-making. I don't think the child's opinion matters, though. Children don't get to make adult decisions. The issue is whether or not she can do it after he says no and, if she does, whether or not he still has to pay. I think it could go either way, if it came up before a judge, but again, the wording of the agreement is very important.
♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
We communicate with BM
We communicate with BM through E-MAIL ONLY for this exact reason and we have every single written communication from the last 10 years!!!
We learned a long time ago that any verbal communication with BM always gets changed and BM will try to blame it on DH's "faulty" memory, so this way we have it in writing. Hell, there's still times BM tries to say she didn't say a particular thing so we copy and paste and throw her words back at her.
Anyway, we haven't heard anything back from BM after our e-mail to her last night re-iterating what we previously told her about waiting and that we have no money for braces right now and we also let her know (in writing) how she had impinged upon DH's Fatherly Rights concerning his children, etc.
I'm sure she'll have to contact her lawyer about it but DH and I both say GO AHEAD!! We don't have the money for that either but I'm sure our lawyer will work out a payment plan with us if BM pushes it and we have to go to court. We can't believe that the judge.....who by the way was sick of BM's shenanigans the last time she took us to court for some lame shit...would order us to pay for something DH did not agree to, and does not have the money for.
BM does not work....refuses to get a job to support 2 SK's that live with her and the 1 SK that lives with us....only wants to spend her 2nd husbands money and sit on her huge fat ass....and sits back with her hand out in our direction as much as possible for DH and I to support SK's (and her?).....
I DON'T THINK SO!!!
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
You're right Georgia....
the payment plan that BM "set up for us" was similar to what the Ortho's office set up....we have copies of the paperwork....funny thing is though that Ortho's 22 month plan called for a payment of $132 monthly and BM wants $82 from us.....the $132 should have been split in half (if we accepted it).
Just another way that BM tries to "sneak one in on us"
As for the wording of the Joint Parenting Agreement....it's sloppy at best. BM did not have a very good attorney and BM dictated what was put into the agreement since DH did not get an attorney because at the time he "trusted" that she wouldn't screw him around and he just wanted to get it over with....he wasn't thinking of what could happen in the future with this demented woman.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
I had relatively good teeth,
I had relatively good teeth, and my braces were on for 1 1/2 years. If those braces come off before even 6 mths.. I would seriously contact an orthodontist (2nd opinion type) and ask what is the shortest amount of time braces should be on for, and what could be the longest.
Make the case that they were NOT needed, especially after letting the BM know that you did not have the $$ to pay for such a thing.
That's a good idea frustrated
Just from past experience with BM and "illnesses" of SK's that BM tells us have required all these high $$ tests for mysterious pains and in the end the tests are ALWAYS NEGATIVE....in fact, BM never even takes kids for re-checks after tests. We believe it's because there was never anything really wrong with SK's and because we check up on things and don't let her get away with her BS!!
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
My skids bm has been talking
My skids bm has been talking about braces for about 2 yrs now.. The skids are still losing teeth through the natural process.. not sure how early she thinks she is doing this, but she is seriously going to need to consult us first if she expects any type of help. Esp, if she had her way.. she would have slapped them on last year.
Not even sure why a dentist would be talking about braces when a child is 7, 8 and 9.. how about waiting til their teeth are in the places that they are going to be??? when stuff starts to set, not while they are still losing BABY TEETH!!! good lord.
I do feel your pain
My son wore braces for 6
My son wore braces for 6 months. His teeth were pretty crooked (vampire fangs). He did have to wear a quahelix and headgear for a couple years and a retainer for about a year after the braces were off. His teeth straightened up very quickly... like six weeks... but he had to wear the braces for another four months to "set" the teeth. It cost me 3600.00. This was fro top braces only.
I would contact the ortho directly and see if you can set up your own repayment account.
Son also didn't want braces... I'm grown with the same crooked teeth he had... I was not going to let him do that to himeslf. He now thanks me.
It's not as much about the
It's not as much about the braces as it is about BM trying to put the screws to us.....AGAIN!
We'd love all our kids (bio and step) to have straight, perfectly healthy teeth...the same as our parents would like to have done for us.
BM thinks she's QUEEN OF THE WORLD just because she gave birth....like millions of other women did....as if she were special for this feat.....
We just get sick of BM trying to FORCE us to pay, pay, pay when we do not have the money or disagree with the "NEED" for the SK's...who by the way are VERY WELL TAKEN CARE OF.
Plus it burns our A** that she doesn't lift a finger to help out financially....out and out refuses....but BM likes to get in DH's face about "your responsibility as their Father"....what about HER RESPONSIBILITY?????
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
well, here's a flip side..
BM refused and refused to take my sson8 to dentist, even though SCREAMING from horrible pain, we ended up taking him, she wouldn't give us insurance information so we paid for it, no big deal. His tooth was so bad, it had to be pulled, he was not even 5 at the time. He was to have a follow up appointment to get a spacer put it to prevent all of his other teeth from becoming misaligned. BM called the dentist stating she has SOLE CUSTODY, and they were not authorized to treat sson. Now his teeth are horrendous and due to her not getting the space, he will have to have braces. This is her fault and i am sure we will end up paying for it.
Making the decision to have a child is momentous~ It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside of your body~
another thing
it was always my chocie to have the treatment i was 13-14 at the time and the orthadontist always told me if i did not want the treatment that was fine andi could ha ve them off at any point
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )