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I think I'm done.

Skinvasion's picture

So, DH and I have not been good for a while now. I have not been happy.  He and his kids have all been getting on my nerves and I've begun to resent them being in my house.  They are like the house guests that will never leave.  DH has been acting different the last 6-7 months and it's not been attractive, constantly interrupting people while they are talking, wetting the bed, and even peeing in the middle of the floor in the middle of the night.  Like WTF?! I asked him what he's been drinking because a few beers here and there does not make people piss everywhere.  He said nothing else, he SWORE.  I've noticed he's been using the bathroom a lot and for longer periods of time than is normal.  So yesterday afternoon, I go in the bathroom and start looking around.  Sure enough, 2 whiskey bottles were hidden in the closet.  One empty, one half empty.  I'm not against alcohol, I myself drink, but I am against getting hammered drunk and pissing the bed or in the floor.  I AM against drinking to the point that you have to lie about it and literally hide liquor.  Part of me wants to stand by my man and help him while he's down, but a very LARGE part of me wants to tell him he needs to leave.  I already want my house back for me and my kids, so I definately am not too keen to share it with someone who is lying to me about his drinking problem.  What would ya'll do in my situation?

Comments

futurobrillante99's picture

It's time for him to find somewhere else to piss on the floor in the middle of the night. I would want a separation until he gets help for his alcoholism.

He needs to be in AA and I recommend you attent Al-anon to help you stay strong while he deals with his addiction.

But, I would surely give him an ultimatum. With the peeing, I'd want him to live somewhere else.

You say you want to stand by him. Sometimes kicking an addict out is the wake up call they need to get help. You really cannot fix this for him but you CAN say "no more" and let him hit rock bottom.

tog redux's picture

He's an alcoholic - hiding alcohol, lying about it, and peeing in the middle of the floor and bed are all signs.

I would confront him and see what his reaction is. If he denies, etc, out he goes. If he's willing to go for help and MEANS IT, I'd give him a chance. 

justmakingthebest's picture

At first I thought, oh no, this poor man has diabetes. The peeing, the mood... yep, that's what it is. Then she said she found whiskey in the closet. I swear. Those would be in the sink empty when he gets home and his bags by the door. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Boot him. As a mother, you're responsible for protecting your kids. They only get one childhood, and should not have to live with this.

hereiam's picture

My sister just went through this with her BF, she kicked him out. She found bottles upon bottles in her basement. But, that was not enough. Losing her, losing his home, not enough to make him stop drinking.

Over the 4th of July, he had to take his buddy (who drinks as much as he does) to the ER because he had horrible abdominal pains. The Dr told his friend his liver was in such bad shape that if he didn't stop drinking RIGHT NOW, he would not live another year. Scared my sister's BF shitless and he went through detox. He had to do it under a Dr's supervision, his blood pressure was out of control.

He's back with my sister and goes to AA like it's his job.

I don't know what your husband's rock bottom will be, and neither do you, until it happens. My sister just could not deal with that in her home, anymore, and could not deal with that in a partner. She didn't want the liabilty, either, if he chose to drink and drive, since he was on her insurance. When my sister's BF called him and asked her if she would drive him to the detox place, she did. She did not turn her back on him when he wanted help.

Be there for your husband IF he is willing to get help, but you have to protect yourself and your kids.

ESMOD's picture

I think you should toss in the towel...  Now, it complicates things with his kids.. but they will need to go to theri mom's.. and he can rent himself a space.

He was already using you 12 ways to Sunday.. your time.. your money.. your patience.. I just don't think you have much of a nugget of anything left to hold on to.

hereiam's picture

Yeah, if he's not a great partner, anyway, I wouldn't put up with this. I didn't remember all of that.

Skinvasion's picture

I will. I had a plan in place to get myself in better financial shape so that I could afford all my bills on own, mortgage, car, ect... The plan was going to take a few months, but after this, it may be happening sooner than later. I mean, I caught him peeing in the floor 3 times just this past week!  

ESMOD's picture

I don't know if it's an option for you.. but my SD works a full time job but also does UBER and works as a waitress as well.  I know it's tough with your kids.. but I think they were a bit older.. and perhaps can hold down the fort while you maybe take something extra on in the interim?

CLove's picture

I understand getting your ducks in a row for optimal transition but this man is a serious alcoholic, not just your average.

Ive heard of guys doing that when drunk. Toxic Trolls ex bf Tweedle did that once after a big fight and lots of drinking. Munchkin SD13 was taumatized after that. However it took Tweedle threatening to do something to the car for her to get a restaining order out on him, for control purposes. And he does it often?

Time to get him to some meetings and get him out of there!

hereiam's picture

When I started reading this, I thought you had typed DH by mistake and meant SS. Had to keep reading to see that your HUSBAND is pissing the bed and peeing on the floor. And, he's lying about his drinking and drinking in secret. That, my friend, is an alcoholic.

LadyTremaine81's picture

My husband is an alcoholic. He was able to get it controlled, but it took many years of hard work and quite a few relapses, and me finally packing my things to leave for it to happen.

With the kids we have- I always assumed his alcoholism was a product of the children and living with his mother his entire life. She's nuts too. 

 Finally he kicked it. Been sober over 3 years now. He wasn't a pee pee everywhere guy though. I wonder if puppy pads could be placed in his favorite spots? And, get some white vinegar and baking soda. Hand those to him next time and tell him to get to work. My best friends husband was a pisser- she would literally put adult diapers on him once he passed out drunk. 

It's a horrible addiction.

Seriously though.... he needs help. Does his family know this is going on? If you love him enough to stay then get yourself some help too. It is hard and a long road to recovery. 

Otherwise, give him the boot. It won't be worth it if you aren't invested anymore. 

Lollybobs's picture

Has anything happened in the last 6-7 months which might have caused him to become reliant on alcohol? Or has it always been a problem?

Skinvasion's picture

Thanks for everyone's advice.  I think i know what I want to do, it's just hard to pull the trigger I guess.  To answer some of your questions, he has had a problem in the past before he and I got together and had to attend rehab.  To complicate matters more, he went through my phone last night while I was in the shower and saw where I had texted my mother that I didn't think it would last but a few more months.  He confronted me about what I said, I told him it was true.  I told him he knows I've been unhappy and he didn't need to go through my phone to discover that.  So now things are super awkward at my house and I'm afraid it might trigger more heavy drinking. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Guess what...........his drinking is NEVER your fault. Doesn't matter what happens, it's HIS fault.

Alcoholics go on benders because it's Tuesday and they feel bad about themselves. Sometimes they go on a bender because someone is mad at them.

It is ALWAYS their choice. Taking responsibility for someone else's choices is called co-dependency.

You can't MAKE anyone drink too much and you don't have to deny yourself peace, safety and a clean home to "protect" an alcoholic from himself.