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I'm not sure if I'm made for this gig

Skinvasion's picture

Submitted by Skinvasion on Mon, 10/14/2019 - 3:36pm

Everyone here knows that being a stepparent is hard.  But now I'm questioning whether my marriage is worth the fight.  MY husband is not a bad man and I know he loves me, but he takes advantage of me.  He makes almost twice as much $, but I pay most of the bills.  I do 90% of the house work and cooking. I'm basically being used.  I feel resentful because he keeps saying he'll help more around the house and financially, but then comes up with excuses why he can't this time, again.  I figure if I'm going to struggle to make ends meet anyway, I might as well struggle without him and his kids there to cook for and clean up after.  

So with all of this, every little thing he does and says gets on my nerves.  His kids get on my nerves.  We haven't had sex in months.  I don't want another failed marriage, but I don't want to stay in one that I don't want to be in either.  I'd much rather be alone than a loveless marriage.  I'm not making any rash decisions, but I'm definately starting to get my affairs in order just in case. Anyone else felt that before?  How did things end up for you?

Comments

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 10/14/2019 - 3:53pm

About a year in, and I was having a  really hard time with the eldest. She was very rude and disrespectful and I didnt have the strength and knowledge that I have since gained from Steptalk. Ive now grown a fully functional backbone. Ive had to coach DH.

So, short version is yes Ive felt this way, and we ended up getting married last year. Feral Forger SD20 is living with her mother Toxic Troll BM. They argue all the time, about cleaning and money Loads of drama, but since she went no contact with DH as well as myself, we are not at all afected, except when it comes to SD13.

It does sound like you are simply a paycheck for your spouse. Perhaps try having a REAL talk, and lay it on the line. Do some soul searching to see if this is something that you can salvage.  Perhaps let him know that you want to go to counseling with him, see what his response is.

Divorce is expensive.

MsNiceguy's picture

Submitted by MsNiceguy on Tue, 10/15/2019 - 7:45am

Figure out what percentage of household income you both make.  If you bring in 60% of the money, you pay 60% of the bills.  Whatever money is leftover, you keep 60%. Hope that makes sense but it worked well for us.

Skinvasion's picture

Submitted by Skinvasion on Tue, 10/15/2019 - 11:10am

I will bring this to his attention.  Currently he is bringing home 60% of the income and I am paying over 60% of the bills. If he doesn't agree I will tell him to pack his shoebox and leave.  The house and everything is in my name and all the furniture in it besides a tv, a recliner, and my bed was mine before we married. He came into the marriage with nothing but a large paycheck and had everything to gain.  I started the marriage with 10K in savings and now that's all gone because the majority of the financial burdon of taking care of the house and now, 3 extra people has fallen on me.  As far as the sex, that is mainly because of me.  I am so resentful toward him for all of this I don't want to have sex with him.  I want to have sex with a man, not a mooch.