Criminal damaging - the insanity continues and BM enables
Hello all ! Just need to vent. MB contacted my DH on Friday afternoon that he needed to go his school. Apparently SS16 and his psycho friend decided to vandalize the school bathroom in the middle of the day. Ripped off soap dispensers, clogged toilets and urinals and then urinated all over the floor. (Still denying the psycho peeing - because clearly there are no cameras inside the bathroom....) Over the past 2 years, SS has gotten caught taking and selling opiates, released to my DH after being caught by the police drinking liquor in an empty lot near our house, breaking into our house when we were out of town (I was told by this kids via text that "he didn't agree with our rules so he didn't have to follow them"), failed drug tests, and a whole host of other things. I have completely disenaged becuase of this insanity. It's a cycle of blowups, lies and then forgiveness and "one more chances" so I stopped wasting my time with the involvement. BM always sabotages anything my DH tries to enforce anyway. There is no consistency. The kid is a straight-up liar. He apparently dresses up like the Joker from Batman and cruises around scaring people - once throwing an egg at an elderly man, taping it, showing it to people. I was informed of this yesterday and he told me it never happened. The kid doubledowns on anything despite evidence.
DH took his phone and had to "babysit" him all day yesterday when is mom was at work. His mom consistently texted my DH to have SS call her on DH's phone. I overheard the conversation and SS negotiating with BM on which of his friend's he shoul dbe allowed to see during his "grounding" etc. DH has decided that a military academy is the only hope for this kid. But you know what that means.......no child support for BM if he isn't in the house. Likely 1/3 of her income gone. Of course she and SS are figuring out how they can avoid this and she is already telling DH that "going away only teaches SS he can run away from his problems." Mind you, she called SS a few weeks ago and he had her on speaker. Apparently he sells his urine (which is supposedly "clean") to his douchebag friends so they can pass drug tests. One of these kids is the son of BM's friend. She called SS irate because her friend said it tested postive for cocaine. BM and SS determined that it must have been from the Adderall she gave him (without a prescription) because her urine tested positive, too. Her dad took SS on vacation to South America and SS told me that he was allowed to get high with some tribe with poison dart frog venom (I can't make this sh** up) and they had to give him some sort of other thing to "bring him down".
Sometimes writing this stuff down just really brings home what a circus this is. I only wish everyone else could see the insanity!
OMG So Stressful!
Tough situ, I really feel for you. My SS19 wasn't at quite the advanced level of f*ckery your SS has worked so hard to attain, but definitely in that spirit.
All you can do is disengage. Not your monkey, not your circus.
In my state, the NCP still
In my state, the NCP still pays CS even if the kid is away at school (including college). The CP is still considered to be the one helping pay for clothes, etc. Not exactly fair to the NCP, but it may be the same in your state.
Your SS sounds like school shooter material. I hope he's had a good psychiatric evaluation. I don't think playing with guns and being in the military is a great idea for him.
I think, based on what OP is
I think, based on what OP is saying, ss DOES need the military type rules and structure. It could possibly turn his life around. The problem is bm would not allow the disapline or consequences; she would likely pull him out the first time he got into trouble.
BM gave him adderal? BM lets him sell "clean" urine? BM allows ss to negotiate friends he can see during a period of grounding for vandalizing a school?
Seriously, bm is raising a drug addict criminal. Sorry OP, but all of this drama bullshit will NEVER end because ss has been taught it is all ok.
He doesn't need to be
He doesn't need to be anywhere near guns. Let him get structure in jail.
They won't let him near guns
They won't let him near guns until he proves himself.
Maybe it needs to be
Maybe it needs to be presented to SS as military academy or juvie. Because it seems like there are many opportunities to call the police and let them take SS away, and without some kind of intervention, very bad things are going to happen to or around this kid.
Someone should drop a dime
Someone should drop a dime and let CPS know the specifics of how BM is contributing to her son's delinquency. I don't know if they'd do much about a sixteen year old, but it's worth the dime. Let the chips fall where they may.
We sent SS-26 to Military
We sent SS-26 to Military School for his Jr and Sr years of HS. My bride was the CP. There was no change to the CO when SS was in boarding school. The NCP continued to pay CS. A whopping $385/mo which did not even make a dent in the tuition and travel costs of having SS in boarding school.
So, if SS goes to Military School your SO will likely continue to pay CS to BM unless there is an associated change in custody and CS.