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Simpleton21's picture

BM is having a flip out about DH "not putting SD first" because SD had a staph outbreak and DH made her not want to come over (b/c we treat her like she is contagious...b/c she is), then the concussion, now it is his weekend and he wants to spend time with his friends (the only time he gets off is the weekends we have SD)." According to BM DH is crushing their kid and he should put her first.  Also BM is pissed she has to rearrange her free time that she gets every other weekend, lol!  SD is still not cleared to return to school on Monday and she can't be left alone with this concussion.  According to BM she still has 2-3 more weeks of healing time.  She is still not processing right.  Oh and BM is done protecting SD from knowing that DH puts YDS, ODS and me as his #1.  

A couple things here.  First of all I'm 100% pissed at DH for being an idiot.  He acts like he doesn't know how BM will react to a request in schedule change when SD is "severly injured" yet again.  I've told him sooooooooooooooooo many times to not try to change the schedule with BM b/c she is unreasonable even if we "make up" the time.  Second I'm pissed that he overcommunicates with BM (also something I have advised against soooooooooooooooooooo many times).  I 100% knew that BM would have a flip out and be triggered with SD's most recent "injury".  Third, I was pissed that he wanted to show me all of these messages and explain "his bad mood" that he got himself into.  I told him IDGAF he should know better and I don't want to see or care what BM has to say he should have expected this and avoided it.  Also, I know I shouldn't have but I told him that the other real issue is SD and her "severe injuries" and her and BM have some mental illness when it comes to these injuries that are always so severe and over the top and that SD should wear a helmet and stay on the coach all weekend since her head injury is more severe than an NFL player's injuries.  

Ugh, really needed to vent this out! 

Guess who is currently looking into activities to not be home this weekend with DH and SD?!?!.....


Iamwoman's picture

Sounds like a good hair, nail, exercise, visit the animal shelter, shopping, lunching with friends, getting out into nature by yourself type weekend!

Simpleton21's picture

Yeah, I'm staying occupied and out of the SD shit show.  I just can't.  

Actually I'm glad I just went off on DH about this.  He FINALLY admitted that he doesn't believe SD when it comes to injuries either.  Yet, he was still acting like he did.  I told him if he wants it to stop she needs to spend the weekend in her room in the dark.  She needs to wear a helmet if she is going to be moving around.  She is a fall risk and might die, remember?!? Amazing how the ER dr let her leave and another dr let her leave his office with such a traumatic injury when she can't walk.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

So my own DD15 has been giving me fits!!  She's had two sessions with a therapist and he spoke to me Wednesday about her.  He said she isn't sick and she's attention seeking.  He said I and ex husband are in a precarious spot.  He said it was IMPERATIVE that we only give attention for good behavior, ie.  she's in a play and it's opening night and she's done great so go sit in the front row and bring roses and lots of attention for good behavior and ZERO attention for the "sick" and "injured"behavior.  He said if we don't, she's going to be a hypochondriac and an adult still behaving this way and it's no longer amusing.  It's been two months of this and it's about more than I can stand.  For two weeks she was depressed.  Then  for two weeks she said she was self harming but not cutting.  She would scratch her hand and wear tape and gloves very dramatically and reach for gloves if she got in a stupid argument with DD12 about if Pumba and Timon were in the Lion King or Jungle Book.  Then it was two weeks of "panic attacks" which really just consisted of her calling us from school saying to come get her as she was panicking.  It's all very dramatic.  And then it was two weeks of  has tics but only if we ask her to clean her room or take out the garbage.  NEver ever when she's around friends.  Therapist said no more getting her from school and to tell her she can't go get her restricted because she could have a panic attack while driving.. He said make it very, very hard and an inconvienence on her when she tries the negative attention seeking behavior and to never ever reward it or that we are in a world of trouble.  Sounds like wearing a helmet and laying in a dark room is exactly what she needs and that I have to find the equivalent for my own DD   

Simpleton21's picture

I'm sorry you are dealing with it but at least it sounds like you are trying to take the appropriate measures to put a stop to it.  BM here just encourages it and berates us when we restrict her from "fun" things even when she has contagious staph infections.  According to BM we are supposed to make the world revolve around SD and this "injury".  As mentioned in another comment I have 6 pages of documenting her fake injuries b/c BM will always baby and coddle and over treat.  I think SD needs a new therapist.  My DH told the therapist about the attention seeking and all the injuries yet here we are dealing with yet another incident.  

Oh, I fully intend to make the weekend about recovery and not fun for SD while I go out and enjoy some fun activities with the boys.  Ones SD can't possible take part in b/c she might fall and die! LOL!

Aniki's picture

Tell BM to call the waaaaaaaahm-bulance. If your DH had to work or was contagious, SD would have to stay with Mommie Dearest. Boo hoo.

Avoid the house like the coronavirus!

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, I agree Aniki but I prefer that DH just doesn't communicate with BM at all and ignored the crap!  

Oh and you know if DH or anyone in my house had a staph infection that BM would be keeping her from us!  

Hahaha, I plan on avoiding it like the coronavirus!  Hopefully it will be nice out and I can take the new pup for a long hike with my boys Wink

Aniki's picture

Apologies, darlin'. I didn't mean that he should overcommunicate - only keep it short and simple. Just Say No! LOL

Have fun with your new furbaby and the boys!

Simpleton21's picture

Ha, I know you wouldn't encourage overcommunication with a HCGUBM!  My point is that DH should know this as well by now seeing as any time he veers from that advice he gets this reaction!  

I intend on having lots of fun while DH gets to stay home and monitor his precious little snowflake!  Perfect time for her to get that daddy time she is missing so desperately (unless it is her choice to stay at a friend's house - then the daddy time isn't so dire).  

Aniki's picture

He should, shouldn't he?! Goofball.

There is nothing like the unconditional love of a furbaby! Biggrin

Simpleton21's picture

Seriously!  It has been 7-8 years of this...he isn't a goofball if he hasn't picked up on it yet...he is an idiot!  Or delusional....or embarassed.  I almost feel like he is embarassed at this point.  I would be if she was actually my kid!  

Awww, yes, I love my furbabies!  My newest one is the sweetest ever too Smile

Simpleton21's picture

Damn straight she wouldn't.  Neither of my boys fake sickness or injuries and if they do get hurt or ill they don't get coddled and rewarded.  I take care of them but they generally just stay in their beds in their rooms because they actually don't feel good.

I never claim SD, lol!  I make it a point to say things to her in public, "well ask your mother" or "maybe at your mom's house"....just so people know she isn't mine Wink

CLove's picture

To be sick and injured that its just not worth it.

But we TRULY care!!!

But I am a bit suspicious of "head injuries", as they are very subjective. Toxic Troll is working on a case with an injury lawyer to make money from a headi njury from almost 4 years ago, also claiming "fraud" and "negligence". 

Simpleton21's picture

The problem is that BM makes sickness and injuries so desirable and fun.  No school now for 2 weeks, no testing or quizzes b/c she is so hurt, etc etc.

I'm going to go over the top on treatment this weekend and then leave to go do fun activities with my boys that she can't.  Maybe take them to skyzone (indoor trampoline) or someting ;)  LOL!

I am only suspicious of this "concussion" b/c I called her being injured in soccer prior to it happened 2 weeks after we suspected my ODS had a concussion from being actually physically assualted and slammed into the concrete ground.  SD has never had a "concussion" before and I have 6 pages in a word document here at work from SD's "severe injuries" in just the past 2 years!!!!!  If I had started documenting the injuries when I first met her like 7 years ago I think I would have a real novel!  

I would be skeptical of TT's injury as well. I'm also certain my SD will drag this out FOREVER!  She will likely never recover at this point.  

stepgirlfriendfurmom's picture

BM not realize that DH doesn't have to take his time with SD just that BM cannot take away his time? 

Simpleton21's picture

Oh she realizes it I'm sure but thinks she is GOD and MOTY so while she knows he doesn't have to take his time with SD she will use that as an opportunity to bash him and tell him he is the worst father ever and that he is crushing SD's soul and he is the reason SD has issues.  She's even said she has to "advocate" for SD in our home b/c he won't put her first....barf!  We don't neglect her or treat her different than the other kids.  The problem BM has is that we don't treat her extra special and don't treat her like the world revolves around just her! 

BM has tried to take away time (in the past) and we showed up and called the cops to document it.  BM flipped and still acted like we were terrible people and the cop report wouldn't matter...yet it did shut her up and kept her from threatening court every 5 seconds.  

BM is a narc and a controlling idiot and obviously has some sort of munchausen by proxy issues.  

advice.only2's picture

Sounds like SD will be wearing a helmet and laying in a dark room all weekend with out her phone or a t.v.  This way DH can show just how much he cares about precious poopsies traumatic head injury.  Lol!

SteppedOut's picture

But will your husband do that? I can't imagine he's going to sit at home with the tv off all weekend while you are out having fun! 

Simpleton21's picture

SteppedOut, you are correct, it is highly doubtful that my husband will suddenly find his balls and do what he should be doing to prevent this behavior from continuing.  

I still plan on going without him and SD somewhere though.  I'm sure he will let her do whatever when I'm not there.  He already sent a text (I'm at work and he's at home) that SD seems fine.  Well no crap.  She magically cured herself when he told her she had to relax and do nothing at our house this weekend.  My boys and I shouldn't have to suffer because of her faking!  If DH wants to try to come with SD I will remind him that she is still healing and that is a bad idea. 

SM12's picture

I've had to blast my DH in the past for over sharing with BM.  Then when she turns it against him he starts boohooing and acting all sad.  
He asks her opinion which gives her an open door to shame him.  I told him to stop crying to me about it since he brought it on himself.

He stopped doing that now and keeps the communication with BM to a minimum.  Sad it took him years of getting bit to stop petting the snake.

Simpleton21's picture

SM12, it is so frustrating!  It is like my DH regresses every time SD has an "injury" and then starts doing things he KNOWS will turn into this!  That is exactly why I told him IDGAF about any of it.  IDGAF what BM said and IDGAF how he responded. He brought it on himself!

Siemprematahari's picture

Have mercy why does BM insist on having this child in your home and she's all types of infected & injured. Maybe just maybe if she stopped putting her in all these sports and have her @ss sit down somewhere she'd be ok. This girl needs to walk around in a bubble at the rate she's going......goodness gracious I wouldn't have any tolerance for this insanity either and glad  you are leaving it to H to figure it ALL out....

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Simpleton21's picture

Oh I'm sure she is insisting this because DH's dumb@ss told her he had plans on Saturday.  DH should know better than that.  Also, I'm sure BM is tired of ALWAYS having SD b/c of injuries/infections b/c they are so frequent so now it is interferring with BM's "free time".  BM won't stop putting her in sports b/c that is BM's means of controlling SD's time with us.  I can guarentee that SD is faking this injury b/c BM put her in indoor soccer.  SD is a lazy child that hates running.  SD's "sports induced" asthma first occured when she was expected to run at cheer practice.  SD most certainly would quit faking injuries if BM didn't treat her super special every single time and if BM would stop forcing SD into new sports to control her time.  

I have definitely lost all tolerance for this as well and that is why DH will get to waste his weekend monitoring SD while I take my boys off to do something fun Smile  

thinkthrice's picture

is a HUGE influence over (s)kids.  Make sure that SD is on a special invalid diet of nothing but vegetables and fruits preferably raw.  lots of water!  No soda, fruit drinks, chips, cake, pie, ice cream, cookies, desserts, sugar of any kind.  No white bread, white pasta, white flour, white rice.  This diet will help her MRSA as well!

Convince DuH that this is best for SD and it is putting her first.   Last I saw, SD is a butterball anyway; it will be good for her all the way around.

After all, in my case, YSS PASed out over a wholesome, homecooked meal!




Simpleton21's picture

I love this idea but I know that DH would feel bad making her eat healthy!  I used to cook nice home cooked meals for SD but her reactions to my meals made me quit.  Now I don't care if she eats all the junk and crap and soda.  Any attempts I have tried to make her eat healthy have been criticised by BM and DH.  She can continue to eat her junk and cry about being fat.  One time when I was on a healthy kick at home and had NO junk food at all BM sent her to my house with an entire full size of chips ahoy cookies in her back pack.