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Update to my "I called it" blog...

Simpleton21's picture

SD had her MRI for her "torn meniscus" that her and BM were telling everyone she had and might need surgery for.  I had to ask SO about the results.  I figured this would happen.  I knew if it was actually a torn meniscus and she needed surgery I would have heard the results as soon as he did.  I know he knows that I don't ever believe that she is actually injured so he didn't willingly offer up the results.  When I asked if the results were in he said, "yeah, she doesn't need surgery, they are going to do physical therapy"...I asked if it was actually torn and he said, "I don't know for sure"....really?!?! I didn't pry anymore than that.  I know that he HAS to know at this point that SD totally overexaggerated yet another injury just in time for the holidays on almost the EXACT same date as the year before and also coincidentally right before her final regular cheer performance (just like last year).  He has to see this pattern.  He is just in denial.  I don't know how BM isn't more upset about this seeing as she lost out on the trip/money she had prepaid for this cheer crap only for SD to be "severly injured" yet again.  

BM could save a whole lot on dr apts/etc if she took SD where she really needed to go....a therapist to get to the root problem of her constant need for attention.  This is obviously just my opinion but it is apparent to pretty much anyone that has met SD.  Prior to the MRI we went to my niece's bday party with SD on her crutches with her brace of course and my SM said to me (when SO wasn't around) "I don't know how you deal with this.  It is very evident that she is faking and starved for attention.  How does she KNOW it is a torn mensicus without having had the MRI yet?  She is going to be a terrible teenager" I of course agree with my SM.  However if I were to say any of this to SO he would just go into guilty daddy defense mode and it isn't worth the fight.  SD is not my problem.  How she turns out is on BM and SO...not me!

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

How freaking exhausting!

And it IS hard to just ignore this crap because it is forced "at you". Oooooooh poor skid, blah this blah that. But then YOU are supposed to just drop it when it (whatever it may be) DOES turn out to be bull crap and ignore the bad behavior because DON'T YOU KNOW SKID IS AWESOME. But really, not so much. 

Simpleton21's picture

It truly is exhausting and disturbing.  I actually started a document at work to track SD's injuries/illnesses b/c of course any time SD has an incident at our house we are neglectful and careless and terrible people (according to BM)....BM was telling us when SD got hurt on our trampoline that we should be prepared for the dr to call CPS on us b/c she is ALWAYS getting hurt at our house.....mmmmmkay....

Basically SD fell in the middle of the trampoline at our house on a Sat and cried for a minute but was fine and then continued to jump and play on the trampoline the rest of the weekend no complaints.  Then on Tues after this BM starts raging on SO about how awful he was for not telling her about SD's injury and she now needs 12 weeks of PT for her shoulder!  Mmmmkay....yet she was fine the 3 days before that and still picking up my 45-50lb. 4 year old?! 

BM wouldn't be worried about CPS being called if she didn't take her to the dr for EVERY tiny thing SD complains about.  Since the "broken leg" incident right at the end of cheer before the final performance SD has been to the dr at least once a month if not 2 or 3 times....all on BM's time.  Oh and BTW they did like 5 different imaging tests and never really found an actual break.  BM wasn't worried about CPS when she took her for the latest incident on her time....imagine that! I wish I had started my document earlier on b/c it would show the clear pattern of her "spotlight injuries" every year before easter/Thanksgiving/etc.  

 

Siemprematahari's picture

You really did "call it" and I'm sure H didn't share the details with you because as usual you were right. I agree that instead of spending money on all these unnessary doctor visits she should be evaluated by a therapist to find out why she's so starved for attention. Just know that this is not your problem and its something that your H and BM have to deal with. They have no idea what awaits them the older she gets.

Simpleton21's picture

Thank you! LOL!  I know it isn't my problem but it is still frustrating to watch!  I have another prediction for when SD is older.  If I'm still on here when it happens I'll update....here it is:

SD will be sexually promiscus and will get pregnant at a young age.  She will only look for men/relationships that will take care of her...

At least that is what I have seen with the girls I knew when we were younger that had these attention seeking issues that never got addressed!

nengooseus's picture

SD has been a hypochondriac since toddlerhood.  It gets her positive reinforcement from her mother, which is otherwise extremely limited. 

Right now, SD has non-specific and transient joint pain that she really only complains about at BM's or when she's asked to do something she doesn't want to do, like dishes.  In the last couple months, BM has taken her to primary care, to the orthopedist, to rheumatology, and now she's scheduled to to neurology because she's now complaining of headaches, too.  No one has identified anything so far.  Blood tests are totally clear.  

Meanwhile, the kid is literally failing two classes this quarter (down from As and Bs).  BM won't consider the possibility of depression (although she has a therapist... BM just hasn't taken her to see her since October)  And BM chewed DH's a$$ for suggesting that maybe SK wasn't getting enough Vitamin D, especially since she doesn't drink milk or eat fish.  Of course she had neglected to tell DH that the rheumatologist prescribed the child Vitamin D, which we found hysterical.

BM and SD are feeding on eachother's neuroses--to SD's detriment--but as you point out, OP, it's not on us how thse children turn out.

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, SD has been faking injuries the ENTIRE time I have known her b/c BM caters to it and basically encourages it.  Obviously BM has some neuroses over this as well.  BM and SO have both even admitted that they KNOW she fakes injuries "sometimes" yet BM believes it every time.  

My SD also uses it to get out of what she doesn't want to do but still basically gets rewarded b/c she is catered to and still gets to do all the fun stuff she wants.  I personally think she shouldn't have been allowed to come to my niece's party because she was SO HURT and needed to rest.  I wouldn't continue making her injuries fun for her.  Of course I have no say say in the matter and I don't have this problem with either of my children b/c I don't reward them/coddle them when they are sick/injured.  I care for them but not to the extreme that BM does.  One time BM actually gave SD a freaking bell to ring whenever she needed someone.  I think she was dying from a cold that time!

 

oneoffour's picture

Sadly one day something really bad will happen to her and no one will believe how serious it is. OK so her appendix blows up. Who will believe her unless she is almost comatosed with septicemia?

I would play up how much she is missing by not doing the cheer thing "It hurts that much? But you were getting so good at it. What a shame you miss out. Imagine if your team won! Well I guess you either don't go or sit on the sidelines again. It must be sad being you and missing out on all the fun stuff. Oh well, I am sure if you do all the exercises you will be back to normal as quick as a wink. Now while you are sitting there you can fold your laundry, thanks so much!"

 

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, I've been trying to tell her this.  I am actually the only adult that doesn't give her sympathy every time she is hurt!  Of course she won't learn her lesson because SO and BM believe her every time.  This is a lesson she likely won't learn.  

I am also the only one that makes the injury not exciting.  Like the "shoulder sprain" or whatever that didn't bother her until 3 days later and then she needed PT.  EVERY time I saw her using her arm or trying to lift stuff/etc I would say to her, "Don't do that, you don't want to make your injury worse, no you can't mow and make money here...your shoulder is hurt....no I don't think it is a good idea for you to do xwyz b/c of your injury"

Oh she doesn't care about missing out on cheer.  I think that is part of the reason she fakes injuries this time of year.  Last year she didn't make the competitive cheer team and coincidentally she got hurt at practice the next week when after she cried b/c she had to face the coach that told her NO to being on the competitive team.  This year she actually made the team but they wanted her to sit out the first competition and watch b/c she didn't have the moves down yet.  Of course BM blew up on  the coaches, told her she could quit and went to the head of the league when they wanted her to sit out.....and then boom....SD is injured.  I am so shocked.  I had only been calling the injury months in advance.

Siemprematahari's picture

The girl that cried wolf!!!

I hope that day never comes but if/when it does..........it's going to be a rude awakening.

Simpleton21's picture

I've been waiting for this to happen but with BM and SO feeding into it and believing it every time I doubt it will happen....

lieutenant_dad's picture

My doctor thinks I may have a small tear in my meniscus. New guidelines/recommendations are saying, especially for younger and older folks who aren't professional athletes, to not do surgery. I left the appointment with the recommendation for physical therapy and a soft brace, like an Ace bandage, for comfort.

No crutches. No expensive stabilizing knee brace. My mother has her meniscus torn in half, and it will flip under itself from time to time. It's painful, and even she doesn't use crutches or a knee brace (a cane sometimes for stability).

See where I'm going with this? I'd be calling out SD about her crutches and knee brace. Both are likely unnecessary. And just keep doing it over and over again. Unless she was told to keep it immobile, she NEEDS to walk and build strength back. So take the crutches and hide them - you're only "helping" her by doing it. Wink

Simpleton21's picture

SD has a big huge almost entire leg brace and crutches....she was still sporting after the diagnosis of no surgery...I'm sure she will have them when she shows up tonight also!

I would hide them but I'm sure SO and BM would freak out! I agree with where you were going though.  It is all overboard and over dramatized and not really neccessary.  My brother also has an actual tear and is doing physical therapy but still walking and working and he's a roofer and can still climb ladders and do hard labor.  Amazing!

TX2step's picture

That I am  not the only one who documents the skids issues. It was not injuries with SD, but always timing her assault and manipulation to things of importance, holidays, birthdays, etc. She always calls in the nick of time to ruin most all of our plans. I call it planting seeds. So those issues recycle over and over again. Gawd I'm so jaded. 

Simpleton21's picture

I'm also jaded.  I think a lot of us here are due to the manipulations and antics of Skids and the BMs that basically encourage it.  Thanks for letting me know that I am not the only one that does this.  It is sad that you have to track it and there is clearly a pattern that the actual parents are either in denial over or completely oblivious to!

Harry's picture

To do this,  she getting the attention she wants. From BM, BF and friends.  You DH has to be in denial, and really what can he do. If she called her out on this.  Then she being picked on. And having a mental breakdown. Then DH will have to admitted his DD is a little off , and he not going to do that. 

Simpleton21's picture

Ugh, unfortunately I know that SD will continue to do this b/c she is getting exactly what she wants from it.  That is what my SM said also.  She said, "well you can't really blame her, she has learned what works for the attention she craves so why wouldn't she continue doing it".  I know that my SO is in complete denial or hoping that no one else is noticing as much as I am but they are....my whole side of the family is onto it!  SO definitely won't call her out on it.  I did call her out on it once (when BM was giving us so much crap about the trampoline incident and I told SD she wasn't allowed to jump on the trampoline when she healed b/c she was a liability and we can't afford the dr bills like her BM can apparently).  I also told her that I didn't know if she did it for attention or what.  She of course said, "I can't help it that my mom takes me to the dr for everything" I said, "yeah but you can control telling her whether or not you are hurt and you can tell her that you don't need to go to the dr if it isn't that bad"....she acted like it is all BMs doing...yet a few weeks later over exaggerating another injury just as predicited.  I don't think SO can continue to deny the pattern much longer.  We were actually arguing a bit about SD and BM today and I told him that maybe BM should take SD to the therapist instead of the dr all the time and get to the real root of the attention seeking problem!  He actually agreed, but, I know how this goes, he agrees now but we can't actually tell SD that we don't believe her or anything like that or try to fix it and work on the real issue!