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Crazy BM...

Simpleton21's picture

This time I'm referring to my own mother.  I love her because she is my mother but OMG she is driving me crazy lately.  She lives 3 hours away (her choice) and complains that we don't visit while complaining about COVID and being safe.  For a while she kept posting stuff on my fb wall and when I asked her to please stop and just privately message me if she wanted to share something she said, "I'm just being a mom".  I went ahead and changed my fb settings too so she couldn't do it.  The other day I shared a "funny" meme and she is the type to ruin it and did and is still commenting on it days later to the point I'm ready to remove the entire post. 

The meme said "My son can configure this whole elaborate video gaming set up in his room but needs help to make his own toast.  Seems legit." I found it funny b/c my son is bright but can act so helpless.  Honestly though he has been learning to cook more because he is tired of eating air fryer/microwave food when I'm at work.  He is sufficient enough that he can stay home while I'm at work and I'm not worried. 

Anyways, my mom starts commenting about how I shouldn't do these things for him and how she used to make us cook a meal once a week to learn at his age.  Which is something she did but then she adds in the little dig she has been adding on for YEARS (like 26 years now) that I always went with hamburger helper b/c I was lazy.  I pointed out that at my son's age (13) I still lived with my dad and I was 16 when she started the meal stuff.  I responded in a jokingly, light hearted way b/c I know she is fragile but I wanted her to know AGAIN like I tell her EVERY time she brings this up that I LOVE HAMBURGER HELPER and I didn't choose it b/c I was lazy.  I made it b/c she never would/did b/c she didn't like it.  Then my uncle (on my dad's side) commented that he loves hamburger helper too (seemed pretty innocent to me) but somehow all this triggered my mom into comment after comment about what she fed us and how she fed us and how if we didn't eat it was b/c we decided not to!  How everyone loved her food and blah blah blah.  My older brother also jokingly said something about food options and we both acknowledged that the food options at MY DAD's house were limited.  Usually my mom will take any opportunity to bash my dad (wasn't our intent but facts).  Even that didn't change her tone.  She was in total defense/insecurity mode about feeding us and kept going. 

Now she is commenting on it about what she is having for dinner and how great it was!  WTH!?!? I think I'm just going to have to take it down b/c she took something funny and went all crazy GUBM on it! 

It doesn't stop there folks!  She calls me last night still going on about this freaking post/food.  I think she had been drinking b/c of her voice and emotions.  She was like, "I don't know why your Uncle had to jump in with his 2 cents on the post and be like that.  You did to live with me when you were that age.  I remember so and so picking you up and taking you to school".  I tried to nicely tell her that she was way over thinking my uncles comment and everyone elses comments and taking something that was supposed to be funny way to seriously but she just kept talking over me :/  Wow, she is creating her own history now.  I know for a FACT that I didn't move in with her until I was 16 b/c I didn't want to live with her.  I only moved then b/c my brother had moved out to college and I had my own room there (before I shared with her) and it was a closer drive to the private school she insisted my dad enroll me in.  Prior to that I carpooled with the 2 other girls in my small town that also went to the private school.  One of them had a dad who worked at the post office near the school so my dad would take me there in the morning and he would take us the rest of the way.  She wonders why I don't want to answer the phone when she calls!  She is toxic to my mental health.  My brother and I texted about it and he was like yeah she needs therapy and now I do too! LOL!  Sad but true.

She reminds me so much of all the toxic/controlling/personality disordered BMs we all deal with here.  I love her but I can't handle her behavior.  Good thing she lives 3 hours away!



futurobrillante99's picture

You can put her on your restricted list and she won't even see your posts going forward. She sounds very lonely and, as you said, like she has a personality disorder.

Simpleton21's picture

She lives with her husband (my step dad) and she has custody of my nephew.  She is definitely a bit crazier when she isolates herself but in the past when she had a meltdown I tried to set up her childhood BFFs visiting her and she told them NO and then acted as if I was being mean! 

I'm pretty sure if I put her on a restricted list she would notice and then call me and be upset about that.  I already started rarely posting things.

futurobrillante99's picture

She won't notice if you go into your next post and click on the audience and exclude her. That puts her on the restricted list for all your future posts, but isn't as severe as putting her on the restricted list which she might notice because all your posts would become invisible to her.

I have used it without issue in posting political things that I know would upset some people and with my boyfriend because he claims he doesn't use facebook, but I know he's on there from time to time. There is no mention of me on his Facebook page and he doesn't post anything, so I've restricted him from seeing anything I post without putting him on my restricted list. If he wants to know how my day is going, he can contact me or see me like a normal person. LOL

Simpleton21's picture

Thanks!  I usually don't post a lot anyways but lately with her crazy commenting and add in stupid MIL's crazy commenting as well it makes me want to not use it as all.  I will try this and restrict BOTH of them!  My mom is a little whacko but at least most of the time her comments are well read and have proper grammar.  MIL's are all full of grammar mistakes and mispelled words and ghetto talk, ugh! 

The_Upgrade's picture

Wow all I can say is that it's a credit to you that while you love your mum (not a bad thing) you can also identify her GUBM tactics for what they are. So many GU daughters are still worshipping at the holy altar. 

Simpleton21's picture

Thanks!  This is why I get irritated with the SDs here.  Having lived with and experiencing a GUBM myself I know that you can make a choice and you can see right from wrong.  My parents have been divorced for 30 years now.  She remarried first and she STILL trash talks my dad every time I talk to her.  I have even asked her nicely not to talk about my dad and to please talk about something else.  5 minutes later she is back at it.  I believe she is still actively trying to PAS from him it isn't working but.... 

My step sister and I both (in the kindest/gentlest way possible) suggested she seek therapy.  OMG, you would think we were the devil.  Then she just went into victim mode and acted as if we were treating her poorly. 

advice.only2's picture

Oh my gosh your mom too, except mines not drunk, she's just mean! Whenever I post something on social media my mother has to come in with some "witty comment" usually cutting me down as a person/parent and then teaching me some lesson about the error of my ways. I basically abandoned Fakebook because of her. And if anybody comments or I comment back she has to have the last word, so it will just keep going until I give up. She is the same way with group text messages. She will just keep digging and digging until everybody stops responding. My brother will leave group messages because of her.

Simpleton21's picture

Thanks advice.only2, it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one that feels this way about their own mother.  Like I said I love her but she has issues and she is so toxic.  My mom isn't always drunk either.  I just could tell she was drinking when she called last night.  My mom is so whacko about the last word that she will comment on her own damn comments and then do it again DAYS later!  She is ruining fb for me but I know if I delete or restrict her any further she will have a full on meltdown and then shit gets really nuts! 

I do believe she would benefit from therapy but OMG don't suggest that!

advice.only2's picture

I totally get it, it's the same way with my mom. I love her, but I can only be around her in small doses. Right now she has my Aunt to occupy her time, but even when she's talking to me about my Aunt she's cutting her down. I think it's just her way, she believes she's smarter than everybody and so needs to prove it. Its just exhausting.

Simpleton21's picture

OMG, are you sure we don't have the same mom?!?! LMAO!  Seriously my mom does this with my aunt as well.  My aunt is the sweetest most loving lady ever.  She is dying of cancer and is still the most optimistic person I've ever met but my mom will cut her down left and right talking to me.  She cuts everyone down.  My phone call last night lasted 30 mins and it was the most draining 30 mins of my life.  She b!tched and moaned about my younger brother and how she couldn't believe he would go on vacation with COVID going on but then throw in a "glad he's happy and healthy" and then she b!tched about my older brother and said, "I don't think him and his wife are doing well" something she has been going on about for like 5 years.  She doesn't like my SIL for some reason and my SIL is awesome and even if they are having issues no need to gossip about it.  If he wants to talk to me about that he will!  Then she dogged me for my comments and finally the call ended!  I needed a xanax after that! All of her posts on fb are like Laura Ingles on the farm writing a letter.  "Today we had fresh blah blah from the garden and did this and that and my husband is my rock #blessed" and then she will talk to me for 30 mins about how awful everyone and everything is!  Dash 1

Dovina's picture

As others suggested put her on a restricted list going forward.