I stopped giving a sh*t and how it saved my marriage...
Hello, StepTalkers. It's been quite awhile I know. I've been casually lurking still but not much to vent or post about. Why? I stopped giving a flying f*ck about a lot of things. Namely: twat waffle BM, Quitty McQuitterson SS, and DH. I literally mastered disengaging. You see, I found something else to occupy my time and emotions... ME!
I had an emotional affair with myself and it was awesome. I started making myself and my bios the priority. I developed some new friendships with people who encouraged my self-worth, rather than dh who had me trained to constantly second guess myself. I distanced myself from my rather toxic family as well. I stopped running to my mother and sister with every disagreement dh and I had. I kept my business on a need to know basis.
I tuned out everything. Twat waffle became background noise. I stopped asking questions about ss and schedules, transportation, sports, school programs. I drew an invisible line in the sand and refused to cross it. I let, no allow me to rephrase that... I forced dh to handle everything on his own. When he would start to complain to me about Hitler's mistress bm, I would zone out. Not my monkey, not my circus became my mantra.
Co-habitation replaced a once affectionate marriage. Cordiality replaced sincerity. Indifference replaced love. I stopped allowing dh's situation to control me and my emotions.
I started working out again. I joined a book club. I fired my terrible male gynecologist who would not even entertain the notion that a 40 year old woman could be menopausal. I found a female doctor, who not only listened to me but insisted on testing and guess what? I had a hormonal imbalance due to early menopause. Started on hormone replacement and my weight dropped, the wretched adult acne disappeared and I started to feel like a did 10 years ago.
I stopped feeling guilty for having feelings about my role in this step situation with dh. I embraced my feelings, and accepted that I was entitled to them. I had pulled away from dh emotionally so far that he actually believed I was having an affair. It was a wake up call for him. The night he approached me, tears running down his face, and asked me if I was "having an affair" my reply was curt. "Yes, dh. I am having an affair... with myself."
A very dear friend and coworker, who is in a blended situation with a toxic bm and skids, recently got married. She's where I was three years ago in regards to the resentment and hostility. The day they got married (eloped) I was one of few people that knew. I texted her and said if she changed her mind, I would pick her up, no questions asked and no judgment. Step-life isn't for the weak and I wish I had had a friend who had experienced even a modicum of the lunacy involved in this situation.