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Conversations in Stephell

Ninji's picture

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Stephell.

DH: You just think life will be so much better when the kids grow up and move out
ME: (In my head...Yes, yes I do)

SD has a 27% in Algebra
BM: When does anyone really use Algebra?

My brother recently had a child with a women he is no longer dating. She is turning out to be a GUBM
DH: He needs to kiss her ass if he wants to see his kid.

DH: SS keeps leaving the front door unlocked when he leaves for school.
ME: Why doesn’t he just leave through the garage. He always remembers to close the garage door when he rides his bike to school

SD's birthday is this weekend
This morning
ME: I'm getting off work early today. Do you want me to stop and get her a outfit for her Birthday
ME: Sorry, Just trying to help. What do you want to get her.
DH: I was just thinking about getting her money.
ME: Ok, I won't stop and get anything. No problem.
DH: No, you can get her something if you want
...Hint, I'm not getting her anything now.

Please share your twilight zone conversations from Stephell.


Blue Moon's picture

SO: I had a good talk with SD17, she's going to put all her energies on school, she's aiming for grades of 90%. She agreed not to work more than 10 hours a week at her part-time job.

SO: SD is failing some of her classes
ME: How many hours does she work?
SO: That's a good question...

A week later:
SD: I have to work this weekend
ME: How many hours have you worked this week?
SD: 15.
SO: That's good! More that that would be too much...
ME: internal eye roll

SO: SD is still failing some classes, I had a good talk with her. She agreed not to work more than 20 hours a week.
ME: Do you remember the convo you had with her at the beginning of the school year?
(Birds chirping)

Blue Moon's picture

I know, it's so weird! He seems to think all he needs to do is have a «good talk» with her, and everything will be OK! He doesn't need to follow up to make sure she is doing what she said she would :?

That's why there are never any consequences for SD, just «good talks»

Ninji's picture

Oh yes, "The Talks". That's my DH's go to punishment. I mean, listening to lecture is boring. Smile

ksmom14's picture

In a conversation about skids begining to drive, and who will pay for what (insurance, gas, car, etc.)

ME: Well I think the skids should get jobs when they turn 16, you and I both did and I think it teaches responsibility yada yada
DH: No, they don't have time for a job, they need to focus on school, they always are so busy doing homework

Meanwhile SS15 literally is on the xbox from the minute he gets home from school to the minute he goes to bed, except to come eat dinner. SD14 is on her phone a large portion of the night (we have an app that tells us), and SD12 is on her phone again from the time she gets home to the time she goes to bed.

Yes...because they're working SOOOO hard on school, they simply don't have time for anything else! :?

Ninji's picture

My skids aren't even old enough to drive yet and we've had many arguments about driving. I flat told DH I would separate finances if SD is falling school and he buys her a car.

ksmom14's picture

When it was time for me to learn how to drive, I pushed the whole thing. Made the appointments to get my permit, signed up for the class (although my parents paid), and insisted on driving everywhere I possibly could. I told DH that I think that's the way it should be, they would want it and push for it themselves.

He decided to start the teaching for SS15, and they literally haven't driven in like 4 months, not even a minute. Now he's talking about getting his license and I again said he shouldn't push SS15, but rather get him to want it. I am NOT paying car insurance for a lazy teen that doesn't care to drive and will not drive anywhere anyways, its so stupid.

I'm putting my foot down with SD14 when it's her turn...although she actually has ambition so I'm not so worried about the interest being there.

Ninji's picture

Does he have a reason for pushing your SS? My DH want's SD to drive so that he doesn't have to drive her back and forth to BM's anymore.

ksmom14's picture

Nope, BM picks up and drops off kids, we don't do any driving.

And if without a job (that he doesn't want him to get) what on earth does he want him to drive for? I still have no idea :?

AshMar654's picture

Me and SO are on the same page with this. SS9 does not get a car unless he has a job. We live to close to the school that if he is in activities her can ride a bike.

Hell my stepdad would not allow me a cell, or let me get my license unless I had a job and was working. It reaches kids responsibility. Yeah kids can get bombarded with homework and after school activities but that is not every weekend and guess what there is entire summer to work too.

ksmom14's picture

Yup, and I told when I was talking to DH about the job/ car...

DH: well how is he supposed to get the money for insurance?
ME: he gets a job
DH: how is he supposed to get a job if he can't drive there
ME: uh we have to drive him
DH: well I'm not doing that

ughh seriously?! that's what being a parent IS!!

tankh21's picture

ME: SS yanked a cell phone from my hand.
DH: Well he probably did that because it was his brother's phone and he doesn't like his brother you know or maybe he was just in a bad mood.

DH: You only do things for me to benefit yourself
ME: So I guess me picking up your kids, cooking for you every night and them when they are here and putting up with their crap is benefiting me.

DH: YSS knows that OSS is which is why he behaves the way he behaves.
ME: Just an eye roll no response for that one

DH: YSS is a daddy's boy and he is my favorite.
ME: You shouldn't treat one kid better than you treat the other.

Ninji's picture

"You only do things for me to benefit yourself"

This kinda stuff pissed me off. DH recently said I wish SS was ALWAYS in trouble. Yup, that's why I'm the one making all the therapy appointments and I'm the only one taking him. NOT his actual parents. I could just sit back and wait for him to get so back he ends up in juvie.

And your SS yanked the phone out of your hand. Oh, Hell No.

I love dogs's picture

Ugh with the favorites! When BM had her toddler and before they went to court, DH told her that he'd love to have SD more so BM and her boyfriend can bond with baby.

From across the room, I could hear BM SCREAMING at him on the phone and DH had to step outside to finish the call. Apparently "SD is my #1 (and BFF as BM claims) and you'll never take her from me."

I hope the boyfriend knows how she feels.

classyNJ's picture

SO: Why is the bottom sheet always off your bed?
SS15: I don't know
SO fixes the sheet
SS15 the next day: How did you get the sheet to stay? Is there glue or is it the dryer sheets classy uses?

After buying another tube of toothpaste on Tuesday (2nd one this month and only SS15 and I use - SO has his own)

SO: SS15 how much toothpaste to you use?
SS15: What do you mean?
SO: Think it thru kid, what did I just ask you.
SS15: UMMM I don't know - three squeezes?

Yup! SMH

Ninji's picture

I'm about to have a "dry" run shower with my SS. He used an entire bottle of shampoo by himself in a week and a half. He only showers every other day an was with BM last weekend.

classyNJ's picture

oh don't get me started. SS15 has two different types for his "luscious locks" as he calls them but still used mine. Now I take mine back to my bedroom when done. I got sick of buying it. I used expensive stuff.

ksmom14's picture

SS15 has had the same bottle of shampoo going on 2 years now...we constantly ask if he is using it and he says yes but DH doesn't seem to want to push the subject....not my monkeys!

Cover1W's picture

yes, SDs are with us 50/50 and shower maybe 1/3 of the time they are with us.
However, they go through shampoo and conditioner 3 times as fast as both DH and I. Who live there all the time and wash our hair every other day. I don't get it. I do find their tub COATED with conditioner after they leave (one of the reasons I no longer clean their bathroom, not the primary but on the long list). "Don't use so much shampoo and conditioner, you don't need it, it'd made to use in small amounts" is met by a blank stare.

YET their toothpaste, face wash, hand soap and mouthwash will last OVER a year, easy.


steppingback's picture

Me: Skid won't do anything I ask because he says you are his dad and he will only listen to you
DH: Of course, He needs to listen to you
Me: Yes, please tell him that.
Db: No this is your relationship and you need to work it out yourselves.

Me: I am going to ask a friend to water my garden when we are away.
Dh: No, you should ask skid. He needs to learn responsibility.
Me: He won't do it and my plants will die in the heat
DH: Probably, Then he will learn the consequences of his actions.
Me: I am going to ask a friend to water my garden when we are away.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Maybe you should start small and give the kid a fake cactus to start with watering?... LMAO

WalkOnBy's picture

Me: DH, BabyVoice needs to clean up the pan in which she made eggs.
DH: *rushes to kitchen to do it*
Me: last time I looked, your name wasn't BabyVoice
DH: well, she's busy
Me: doing what?
DH: petting the cat

Me: hey, it's been 3 months since the skids' bathroom has been cleaned, can you make sure it gets done this weekend?
DH: are you sure it's dirty?
Me: well, yeah. I opened the door to put their towels in there and I swear the mold took the towels from me and put them in the closet
DH: let me go check
Me: *walks away*
DH: it's not THAT bad
Me: whatever dude

Thing1 was home over Christmas
text from T1 - mom, can I use your shower? The shower in the hall bath is totally black and gross
Me-who is this? who is this child of mine who suddenly understands how important clean bathrooms are?
T1-you're hilarious. Can I use your shower?
Later that day I was telling DH
Me - blah blah blah blah details of the text from T1
DH- How bad does it have to be for T1 to complain about it, right?
Me - indeed

BabyVoice is at the kitchen table as I am folding sheets
BV-wow, you sure change your sheets a lot
Me - yep, every Sunday morning like clockwork
BV - it's been like 4 months since I've changed mine
Me - that's disgusting, kiddo
BV - you really think so?

classyNJ's picture


Why are kids so gross?

We tell SS15 every week to be sure he washes his sheets. His face has been breaking out more than normal. I asked if he was washing his pillow cases with his sheets...Crickets - blink, blink, blink.

Guess they are not considered part of the sheet set.

Cover1W's picture

Yep, neither SD washes their sheets. SD11 has started washing her towels now and then. I've suggested she wash her sheets at least one time a month. But she's yet to do so.
SD13 never, ever washes sheets. Or anything for that matter.

lintini's picture

SS16 hasn't washed his sheets in 19 months. Yup. 19. They last got washed after my mom left from her stay after dd19 months was born.

Not my monkey in his filth pit.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Me: DH, BabyVoice needs to clean up the pan in which she made eggs.
DH: *rushes to kitchen to do it*
Me: last time I looked, your name wasn't BabyVoice
DH: well, she's busy
Me: doing what?
DH: petting the cat

I am literally wiping my computer screen. I should NOT have taken a big sip of my drink before reading this!

Cover1W's picture

Cover: SD13 put your nice xmas gift to her on her floor and it's covered up with cr@p. I know you wanted it taken care of as you said to her.
DH: *sigh*

Cover: Please ask SD13 to come up here and remove her shoes/coat/dirty dishes/whatever from the living room.
DH: *sigh*

Cover: DH, I will not go pick up SD11 from her friends house, you gave me no notice.
DH: *sigh*

Cover: DH, you do know the SDs don't brush their teeth or shower much, why are you asking me why they smell badly or when they last did basic hygiene?
DH: *sigh*

momjeans's picture

My stephell conversations are becoming fewer and farther between.

It’s a mix of DH no longer bothering to discuss things with me, because why? It’s not like we have much control or decision making, between GUBM and wanna-be matriarchal MIL anyway.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard DH’s mother insert herself in stephell business with

“You just need to...

not say no to BM.”
be BM’s best friend.”
be ________ (insert any random PIC or person of authority) best friend to gain information about skid.”

notasm3's picture

Hell no - it makes the ahole spouses/SOs look bad. Or rather it reveals how horrid some of them are.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

DH: hey, next time you need a sitter, ask SD17

Me: ok, but she takes literally weeks to answer my texts. It hurts my feelings and I worry that she will bail at the last minute.

DH: don't take it personally

Me: ok, I'm a little leery about this babysitter that you want to hire. She's got poor communication skills and doesn't seem interested in the job. I think we should find someone else.

DH: don't you want your daughter to have a relationship with her sister???

Me: so which is it, do I worry about personal stuff or not take this personally. You can't make it not personal when my feelings are hurt and then act like I'm a heartless jerk when I take my person out of it and view things critically

DH: I can't talk to you when you are raging.

Me: I haven't even raised my voice. Asking you to consider my feelings isn't "raging" . At 17 it's not my job to manage SD's relationship with her siblings. She's almost a grown woman and has no problems arranging to hang out with her friends. Whenever I offer for her to come do something, she declines at the last minute.

DH: but they are sisters! They need a relationship. Don't you want your daughter to know her sister??

sunshinex's picture

Hahaha I love this.

DH was complaining how he’s always late to school with SD6 because she spends literally 20 minutes pooping in the morning. I’ve noticed most of the time she’s really just chillin in the bathroom wasting time, but whatever. They’re late so often the school sent a letter home. I told DH he’s gotta deal with it before it escalates because it’s not right to disrupt the other kids in class.

Me: have you tried limiting her bathroom time to 5 minutes?
DH: what if she doesn’t have time to poop?
Me: she can be forced to poop at school I guess
DH: what if she poops herself on the way?
Me: if your 6 year old poops her pants on the way to school you’ve got a bigger problem than you thought....

Livingoutloud's picture

After taking adult exSDs on vacation where they behaved badly:

ExSO: I know they behaved poorly but we need to be more understanding
Me: WHY?
ExSO: because we are the adults here and they are children

Important detail: (OSD was nearing 30 and MARRIED and YSD was in mid 20s in med school)

Livingoutloud's picture

All my horrid stories are from exstephell ( that’s why it’s ex)

My current SKs are pretty bizarre (objectively speaking they are worse than my exSKs especially older one) but my DH doesn’t act like moron covering up for idiots so that’s the difference. No funny or bad stories to report about current situation

DPW's picture

I don't know how you ladies do it. I'd be banging my head agains the wall repeatedly dealing with this kind of stuff.

MoominMama's picture

If my DH had been like that I wouldn't be here now. Really, what is wrong with these men? In the beginning he sometimes acted like that but then the Skids would manage to show him that he was being a fool by their acting up and attitude and eventually he got worn down into the finely tuned skid BS detector that he is.

It's actually funny because the skids thought (I mostly refer to SD here) that they could whine and demand and he would do as BM wanted but they soon found out that those days were over. Depart SD stage door left at 16. Yippeee!!

still learning's picture

DH thinks ss26 can do no wrong. This is the same son who lives 10 mins away and has been too busy to make any time for DH since last summer. This is an actual conversation we had the other night while DH was reminiscing about the ss's childhoods.

DH: ss26 is so funny, everything he does is funny. Even if he burned down the house it would be funny and I'm sure it would have been for a good reason.

Me: Interesting...

What I was thinking was, "WTF...really?" I knew if I said anything I would have been the bad guy so I just keep my mouth shut.

He then went on about how awful ss32 was and what a *turd* he is. My response, "hmmm." If I agree or disagree I am wrong so I just stay silent, shake my head after I leave the room and never bring it up.

Yes, I often wonder what alternate dimension I'm in whenever ss's are brought up. They are allowed to live by an entirely different set of rules in DH's and BM's eyes than the rest of society. Oh well, not my monkeys.

hereiam's picture

My DH has no delusions about his daughter, nor does he make many excuses for her so my conversations in step hell are with SD, herself. Or, should I say, the awkward non-conversations. For example, when she calls our house phone, looking for her dad.

Me: Hello.
SD: Hi.
Me: Hi. (awkward silence. I mean, she called my house, right? Say something!)
SD: Hey.
Me: Hey. (more silence, as she waits for ME to carry on a conversation or volunteer information)
SD: What's my dad doing? (finally!)

No, she is not 3, she is 26.

strugglingSM's picture

My latest recurring step hell is the following:

DH to me when SSs are not around: I never undercut you in front of SSs. I tell them that they better respect you or they'll hear from me about it!

When SSs are around:

Me to SSs: You can eat upstairs, but only if you bring your dishes down afterward.

Me, later, to SSs: Please bring the dishes that are upstairs down to the kitchen.
SSs (both): Those aren't even mine.
I didn't bring those upstairs.
Some other similar response
DH to me, in front of SSs: It's not a big deal. You don't always clean up your own dishes. (Followed by DH going upstairs to get the dishes.)

SSs to Me: Can I have a bottle of water?
Me, in reply: What about that one over there with one sip taken out of it, isn't that yours?
SSs (doesn't matter which one): That's not mine.
Other one replies: That's not mine
DH: Why are you making a big deal out of this? It's not a big deal.

There have been weekends when I've found five or six water bottles, juice boxes, soda cans with one or two sips taken out of them around the house. What really annoys me is when they drink DH's gatorade that he buys for work, because that means we're just wasting money, but I shouldn't worry about that...we're made of money after all.

Me to SS after he demands to be able to keep money the he "made" when DH sold an electric scooter he never used or when he wants to be paid for doing simple chores around the house: That's fine, you can keep the money, but if you keep it, then maybe you can also pay for some of the things you want to do when you're with us.
DH (in front of the kids) to me, raising his voice: Why do you always have to be like this?!
DH (not in front of the kids): You always have to make this about my ex?!
DH (after I told him to stop and listen to what I actually said): Oh, I agree with that.

Ispofacto's picture

Me: Killjoy did xyz stupid/obnoxious/defiant thing.

DH: Your GD does the same things.

Me: You realize you're comparing a 12yo to a 5yo, right?


Me: Killjoy did abc disrespectful thing.

DH: That's normal behavior for a kid her age.

Me: If I did that to my parents, they'd kick my ass.

DH: Your parents were azzholes.

Me: Maybe, but that doesn't mean they were always wrong. How many times did you do that to your parents?

DH: Are you kidding? My parents woulda slapped me.