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They dont need consiquences according to dh

PeanutandSons's picture

Bs3 had a grumpy day at school yesterday. So when we got home I told him that his consiquence for not listening at school was that he doesn't get to have any dessert after dinner. He accepts this without complaint and appologizes for having a bad day at school. Dh over heard this and here is the conversation that followed.

Dh: just let the kid have some candy
Me: no, he needs consiquences for his actions, and the consiquence for being difficult ay school is no candy.
Dh: why
Me: Because he needs consiquences to learn right from wrong
Dh: These kids don't have any consiquences (refering to the skids)
Me: I give him a are you stupid look "exactly, hun, exactly"
Dh: hey, what's that supposed to mean
Me: I just stared at him....

Comments's picture

My DH is the same way, except he doesn't seem to realize or care that his kids are brats.

Saturday night we were in our room and while DH was playing a game on his comp I was watching a movie. SD7 and SD10 come into the room and start talking and making noise. DH tells them I'm watching a movie and they need to be quiet if they are going to stay. He says this about 10 times (not kidding) then finally says "one more time and you have to get out". He repeats be quiet about five more times. He finally lays on the bed with me and falls asleep and 2 minutes later they leave. I wanted so badly to just say "since you can't shut the hell up then get the eff out!!!".

He's like this with everything. They bounce balls in the house, he tells them a million times to stop. Of course they don't listen because he won't take the damned things away from them.

PeanutandSons's picture

Dh has times of clarity when he recognizes it, but he also has times when he doesn't aknowledge that the skids have issues.

As if its somehow normal to get notes home from school multiple times a week? That well behaved kids get into arguments that escalate to descibing how SD want to have the other child murdered? That kids on the right track eat with their hands (full fists of food) instead of the silverware they are given? That's its normal to have to yell at them three + times each and everyday because they to outrageous things as soon as your back is turned?

It was just very enlightening. I always just assumed that he didn't follow through with his kids out of laziness. But apparently he is just opposed to consiquences for bad behavior in general. Which explains a lot about how his kids have turned out.

Sorry for him, I will not allow my sons to follow the skids down that same path.

B22S22's picture

My DH is so busy making mountains out of molehills with my kids, he doesn't have time to worry about his kids...

I think it's because he gave up on his, but I really wish he wouldn't. He doesn't "feel" like a parent to them because they're only here for about 24 hrs every weekend. But because my kids are here 24/7/365 he's taken up *the cause* with them.


B22S22's picture

The problem is.... after all these years he continues to be a drill sgt with my kids even when his kids are around. So you can just imagine what type of environment that creates with ALL of us.

I've even told him to lighten up, knock it off, etc. But he has this "need" to parent and be alpha male. Just not with his two princes, who might not want to come visit if he looks at them side ways.

3familiesIn1's picture

I find this to some degree as well.

DH doesn't do anything to parent his own kids. Except they are here 50% of the time. Yet he likes to bark orders at my kids. I am not sure if its because he has given up on his or gets to feel like he is parenting because my kids listen and comply or what. At first I supported that but when I saw it didn't apply to his own kids, I pretty much took that control back - you DH look after your kids, I will handle mine - mine listen, his don't - he doesn't get the reward of my kids compliance until he can fix his own mess.