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Ex-FDH is seeing Bm

Mrs.Marvel's picture

 We were supposed to get married in April but we ended up breaking up back in December because ex-ss was having mental issues with everything that was happening. 

 I was starting  to feel normal again. My friend and I went to dinner last night. We ended up seeing my ex and Bm there eating. It looked like they were on date. Tried to maintain composure but that didn't make it hurt any less. My friend was trying to convince me that she would go somewhere else but I didn't want to. Maybe we should have but I didn't want to let his presence force me out. By the time I got home, I was a mess. 

Why did it hurt so much? How long does it take for this feeling to go away?? 

Comments

Survivingstephell's picture

You've been run over by a toxic train and it will take some time.  You might have just been  a bit player in the "great romance of him and BM"  puke.  Those kids were playing major mind games on you.  

check out the website lovefraud.com for some articles on getting over a toxic situation.  Be glad you are out of it and have a life time of oppportunity in front of you.  

It hurt so much because you kept loving when he turned stoic.  He has no heart.  

Mrs.Marvel's picture

"It hurt so much because you kept loving when he turned stoic"- Deep down I still do. I don't kno why but I do. Apart of me was hoping that he would come to miss me but he didn't. I feel so stupid for feeling like that now 

 

futurobrillante99's picture

It hurts because it was probably your worst fears being realized and you feel like everything you had was a lie. ((hugs))

The good news is that, for you, it was real. You were in it for the long haul. You truly and deeply loved. Sometimes our love is lavished on chumps who never deserved it.

MurphysLaw's picture

I’m am so sorry you have to endure this headache!

Please Believe me when I say, you are so incredibly LUCKY you did not marry this POS!

Those two BELONG TOGETHER, they are so incredibly sick, sick in their minds & sick in their souls, so incredibly sick they INTENTIONALLY take innocent victims hostage just to continue to hurt each other.

 I know you’re hurting but I promise you it will pass. 

We are here for you! And We DO understand!

Aniki's picture

Oh, hon. I'm sorry! {{{HUGS}}}

IMO, I cannot imagine they will make it. Again. They split up for a reason.

ndc's picture

Wow, you really dodged a bullet.  Either women are fungible to this man or he was not truly emotionally available to marry you.

Of course, that doesn't make it hurt any less.  Everyone gets over something like this on their own timeframe.  I hope you can avoid running into them again, and that you find peace and happiness soon.   ((((HUGS))))

Evil3's picture

I'm so sorry! However, I really think you dodged a bullet. I just went back to familiarize myself again with your situation and I'm sorry, but his kids, especially SS has your exSO totally snowed. I'm not saying that your exSS wasn't depressed in the slightest, but I am saying that he played it up and got what he wanted. Those kids knew all along that they only had to stick it out and their weak old dad would cave and he did. Those kids got what they wanted: their parents are back together. Even if they're not really together, they're at the very least being thrown together through your exSS' behaviour. Now he has no motivation to get better, because he's learned what works. Also, the therapist who claimed that his depression was triggered by the divorce is an idiot. Parents have been divorcing since time began and we all hated it, but we all survived. I don't know if I'm being a cow or what, but this modern extreme depression and anxiety in CoDs these days is f*cking ridiculous. I'm sorry. JMHO though. Anyway, I really think that one day when you see how those kids will never launch and they'll still be pulling crap at 25 and 27 and still have their father by his gonads, you'll be long ago married with kids and thanking your lucky stars that you got the hell out. I promise! Aunty Evil3 has a pretty good record of predicting things.

 

CLove's picture

What a crappy thing to have happen.

I am really sorry this happened, and it is definitely every step parents nightmare.

Just owch.

Take care of you!

SweetPotato's picture

Oh hell no. That is THE nightmare. Think of this way though... he had to go digging in the trash to pull out some leftover relationship that wasnt good the first time. Hold your head high and be glad you are done with that part of your life and you are on to bigger, better, NEWER things. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I hope you looked great and bonus points if some hot, younger guy flirted with you so your loser ex could feel a pang of jealousy and loss.

Good riddance! You are worth better, I promise! *hug*

Curious Georgetta's picture

and what you do. He is your past. You have no idea what  it why they were having dinner, but it should not matter what he does.

If you spend time looking back  you may stumble into your future.

A healthy approach is to hope that peace and happiness will come to the both of you.

Go forward with positive thoughts  and confidence.

thinkthrice's picture

It is a humiliation, but had you stuck with him you'd be PRAYING for him to go back to the BM and his whackadoo first family within the first 3 yrs.  TRUST me on this one!!!!!!! 

Chmmy's picture

So if the skids forced you out and mommy & daddy get back together, they will force anyone out who ever dares to date their daddy. He will be miserable and alone and you will move on to much better things. I hope it happens soon for you.

thinkthrice's picture

Chef works with a guy like this.  I'll call him "Rocker" because he plays drums on the side.   "Rocker" NEVER moved on for YEARS meanwhile the BM has had various steady BFs and would literally call Rocker to fix her car, furnace, roof, you name it.  HIs kids treat him like SHIT and never call him.  He just got released from CS (this is a 21 state) and now the BM  lost a GOOD job with the county by being "fight the power" with the management IN THE FIRST YEAR OF THE JOB!!

Seems she was so reliant on Rocker's CS payments that she somehow fogot that safety net is no longer there!  Anyway this guy snivles around her and plays step and fetch in the hopes they will get back together (they never will)

I told Chef I bet he is subsidizing her now that she threw away her job at the county!!! 

You ain't missin' NOTHING!!!

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Love this: he had to go digging in the trash to pull out some leftover relationship that wasnt good the first time.

You need to frame that quote!

My guess is BM is stroking his broken ego. Guarantee they stay together just long enough to have another crotch dumpling. 

Step-girlfriend's picture

Wow, I'm really sorry. Talk about a knife to the heart. At least he isn't bringing anyone else into this debacle, the two of them can figure out the mess they created.

susanm's picture

That really sucks.  I think the kids finding the key to dadddeee's guilt and sending them back to BM is the secret fear of every SM.  Unfortunately there have been just enough members that it has happened to that we are reminded just how possible it is.  I really wish there was some way to screen out men who had no business joining up with another woman in the first place.  Hopefully you know that it has nothing to do with you.  That anyone he was with would have had the same experience.  I hope you can put this rat bastard behind you soon and if he ever comes back around telling you how unhappy he is with BM that you wordlessly hang up the phone or shut the door in his face.  Sometimes cold silence says far more than any words ever could.

thinkthrice's picture

can alert us to a sale at a store we might like if we are within a  few miles of it.  Why not a "Undatable Man" app?  Would go off with red flags and alarm bells within a 3 foot radius of any Guilty/Disney Dadddeeeeee with a Mini Wife and Tyrannosaurus Ex roaming about.

theoldredhen's picture

Hey, thinkthrice,

Your comment, 'Tyrannosaurus Ex', hit my funny bone so hard that I'm still snorting and wiping my eyes. I truly needed the laugh; thanks, Hon! ROFL

Siemprematahari's picture

You dodged a bullet! You loved and did all you could but consider this a blessing. I know it won't make you feel better but in time you will heal. You will look back at that day and know that you were saved from a lifetime of misery.

Remained blessed darlin'!

XoXoX