How can u be political?
Whenever SD is over, DH expects she would be a great help babysitting my toddler daughter. And of coz SD acts like she loves hanging out with her becoz she she has to please her dad. But all she does was playing with my daughter’s 1 y.o. toy (think stroller mobile with music and pressing it nonstop and staring into space , or snatching all the rings from my daughter and hoard the ring stacker). Sometimes when my daughter did something she’s not supposed to, SD would yell at her really put and poke her finger close to her face. These bother me but I can let it go. But DH “depend” on SD to the point where he would fall into deep sleep. Like I would yell and he could still be sleeping. So I have to constantly be alert. I am ok with that if I’m just watching my daughter, but watching SD terrorizing her toys or straight being dump fxxx annoying stressed me out. Most of the time DH told me to take a break (coz I have my daughter most of the time other than work). So I tried to go to my room and read etc. I don’t know if SD just doesn’t care or don’t have common sense, there are times when I caught something wrong and DH didn’t noticed. Minor things like my daughter kept running and jumping on the couch, she could fall and hit her head, Sd was encouraging her at that time. DH was asleep and I interfered. To serious incident where my daughter pull out a knife from the dishwasher and SD just stared and watched. Thankfully I was bringing something in the kitchen and caught it on time.
I have casually told DH many times before I go “off duty” to watch them even SD “got it”. But it seems like he would still fall asleep or so absorbed in his stupid computer. The unfiltered msg would be tell your annoying stupid child no need to pretend to like my daughter, she doesn’t need to play with her. DH go spend time with your daughter becoz the minute DH talks to me or my daughter SD immediately called him for attention. What would be a political way to tell him? Because I know as a mom, I would be sensitive to someone telling me my child is bad
I tried to just take my daughter out to the park or something when SD is over. But it’s winter in New York and we have nowhere to go 
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Btw my SD is 8
An 8 yr old should not be put
An 8 yr old should not be put in charge of minding a younger child, I am not surprised she is acting up a bit, frankly. Either you or your DH should be watching your youngest at all times.
"I tried to just take my
"I tried to just take my daughter out to the park or something when SD is over. But it’s winter in New York and we have nowhere to go"
You and I both live in NYC. There's always somewhere to go and something to do here.
Based on what you have posted about your husband, he's a useless parent. If your husband won't parent one kid, it's ridiculous to think he will parent the other.
Yeah, I was going to say - in
Yeah, I was going to say - in this part of NY, people find indoor things to do with their toddlers in the winter.
Nope
If you find something on Sunday after 4pm, let me know. Library is closed, museum is closed, I shop with her sometimes but her patience is like an hour
Well, I'm not in NYC, so I
Well, I'm not in NYC, so I can't speak for that - but around here there are McDonalds play lands, malls have areas where kids can play, even some Wegmans' have areas that kids can play in.
There’s no mcD playlands or
There’s no mcD playlands or Wegmans here in case u don’t know. NY is very diff from other parts of the country.
Yes, I do know. My brother
Yes, I do know. My brother raised his kids in NYC. As Disneyfan said, there are till options. Bundle her up and go outside to a park.
Sorry, drives me crazy when people spend the entire winter complaining about it.
I have lived in NYC for 42 of
I have lived in NYC for 42 of my 51 years. You could have spent the day at a museum for dirt cheap. For example, the Museum of Natural History doesn't close until about 6:00. You can give them a quarter and roam around all day.
I don't know which borough you are in, they all have community parks. You could bundle the kid up and let her run around a park for a bit.
Chuckie E Cheese and those indoor bounce places are also options.
Saying there's nothing to do in NYC, is like a kid looking in a full pantry and saying there isn't any thing in the house to eat.
I did the museum thing and
I did the museum thing and she cried most of the time we were there coz she doesn’t wanna be in a stroller. I took her out and held her hand while try to push my huge stroller with one hand while handing my back. Not complaining here before u tried to judge me again. But apparently my daughter doesn’t enjoy it which is my main issue.
I tried children’s museum which she likes. Closes at 5pm which I’m ok going there for an hour. It charges $20 (approximately coz ppl here like to nitpick words) so I can’t go there every week.
Chunk is not in mahattan. If u live in Manhattan that long u should know the train is messed up on the weekends and going anywhere between boroughs is almost impossible.
Please
If u know of ANYWHERE that we can go I am all ears. Somewhere in Manhattan (not even gonna specify an area since I’m willing to take the train), opens on Sunday after 4pm and is suitable for toddler.
Trust me I’m very resourceful and I have been looking for a year! Maybe another year, there’s more kids class I can take her.
All five boroughs are at your
All five boroughs are at your fingertips. Grab a metrocard and go exploring.
Haha do u live in Ny? Do you
Haha do u live in Ny? Do you know the trains are messed up on the weekends and going between boroughs are almost impossible. Even in Manhattan is messed up but I can walk to different stations. I also have a stroller so I would have to find stroller friendly stations
You two have no business
You two have no business having children.
One is sound asleep and the other chilling in her room all while baby pulls knives out and jumps of couches hitting her head and 8-year old is somehow responsible for all this. Do you have any relatives who can take your kid and keep her? And not because of SD but because her parents don’t take care of her but expect 8-year old to do their job. You don’t even bother to baby proof your house. Not cool
You don’t go outside in New York? It’s in the 30s now and in the 40s during the day, no snow. You don’t live in arctic circle. And there is ton to do inside. So your kid and SD are all sitting inside bored and unsupervised (well 8 year old supposed to supervise a toddler) and no one cares. Amazing
You apparently don’t read. If
You apparently don’t read. If I don’t care I won’t post this. SD said she got it and try to please dad and acts like she wanna play with her all day. I for every single second did not want to give her that responsibility. I would be so happy to take that responsibility back but DH said I don’t trust them to hang out with each other.
SD isn’t an adult. Her saying
SD isn’t an adult. Her saying “she got it” doesn’t give you a permission to not take care of your toodler or at least baby proof your house. Next time your SD will say “she got it” about driving your kid and you’ll say ok? Who is an adult here?
you care about what you DH thinks more than about your kids safety? Your DH isn’t even awake enough to know what’s what
Didn’t expect all these
Hey the ones who comment about NYC, do u live here? If you know of any indoor space open in Manhattan that’s suitable for toddler and will open after Sunday 4pm let me know. Libraries, museums all close early and shopping with her can’t last for more than an hour. Also Do u know most of us don’t drive? But I don’t even care if I have to take the train with her I am not a lazy bum who like to sit in the apt all day
There is no one time I did not wanna take responsibility of my child. I very much take a lot of responsibility. DH said they are fine playing together which I know they are not. Coz he said he watches them and I’m being paranoid.
And if I’m being irresponsible, I wouldn’t said I tried to take her out of the apt. I love hanging out with her. But MIL and DH said I’m being paranoid and not letting them hang out with each other.
If it’s up to me, I do not wanna take a break because I know something is gonna happen (like DH fell asleep). But he said he will watch them and I don’t trust him so I walked away. And as I mentioned, it’s very stressful to see she doing annoying things (not the dangerous thing) so I retreat.
I posted a comment asking for advice on how to talk to my husband and y’all just jump into conclusion and judge and attack me. And those who asked me to blame my husband, I asked how to talk to him, apparently u can’t read.
I thought this is a support system for steps to vent and support each other shame on u.
DH is messed up to be asleep. It’s not justifiable but he works 13 hours for 6 days a week. MIL insisted on him getting custody and said she could live with her. But she shoved SD to him and guilt him afterwards. He took her out 2 times a week besides that one day she stays with us. MIL controls the whole situation and did not let SD stays over at BM at all. BM is a mom to 5-6 kids and she wasn’t a saint and they would MIL would call her worse names which I would not mention. But I think she got more mature and truly wanna reconnect with SD. She got a job (she was dependent on welfare for a long time) and calls SD everyday.
I didn’t say all these and I thought why should I. Maybe I should be like the other OP all trolls will be deleted. Apparently there’s a lot of stressed out steps here who wanna take their anger out on someone. I hope it makes u feel better bashing me ;p
If you are afraid of your DH
If you are afraid of your DH and don’t know how to speak to him, you have a bigger issue at hand. Typically people figure out how to communicate to each other in early stages of dating. You are married and have a kid with him and still don’t know how to address basic things. Why is it an issue? And why have kids with a man who clearly is a bad parent?
I don’t understand how MIL forced DH to have custody or live with SD. It’s his kid. Of course he should have custody and have kids with him, not whth MIL. How does she guilt him into taking care of his kid? MIL isn’t responsible for his kids
Look, you can't put a round
Look, you can't put a round peg into a square space. Your husband is not daddy material. You made the CHOICE to have a child with a man that had to be tricked by his mommy into getting visitation with his child.
He agreed to your awful plan in regards to having his daughter in your home. No decent parent would have agreed to that.
This man has shown time and time again that when it comes to being a dad, he's a dud. I feel sorry for both girls.
I have a feeling you being an eyewitness to your husband not be a dependable parent may be a bit of KARMA for your trying to marginalize SD's place in your husband's life. You may be able physically represent the perfect family. But your daughter doesn't have a perfect father. He is extremely flawed. As a result both of his children will suffer, not just the one you want to push to the sidelines.
You will find plenty of support and hard truths here. It sounds like you want pats on the back and for people to ignore the evil SM things you have done.
My SD is 9 and my DD is 1.
My SD is 9 and my DD is 1. They have a beautiful relationship because me and my husband have done everything we can to ensure that SD is her SISTER and in no capacity responsible for her.
My SD is a very calm, sweet temperament and would and does jump at the chance to "watch" her sister but there is no way on this earth that me or my husband would have that extend pass the two minutes it takes to pee, or take washing upstairs or take the bins out.
It is absolutely insane that your partner would tell you to go get some rest and that he will watch the kids to then dump responsibility on your SD and go to sleep. How you haven't had screaming arguments about this and nipped it in the bud I do not know.
If your hubby cant see the problem then no level of explaining or convincing him will get him to change his perspective. Especially since from your updates he had to be guilted into having custody?
You cannot be angry at SD for not understanding dangers or not caring properly for your toddler. Shes a kid herself and should not be placed in that position.
Huge red flags here that I suggest if you truly want to attempt to fix you need to do so with the help of a professional. It sounds like he has no interest in being a father
Here is the answer to your
Here is the answer to your question:
"DH, unless you are going to be awake to supervise, DD will not be playing alone with SD. That is too much responsibility for an 8 year old who hasn't been taught how to be responsible for a younger child. DD has been caught with a knife and jumping on the couch, and SD doesn't know how to handle it. And it's not her responsibility to know how to handle it. They can play together, but it needs to be supervised. If you can't supervise when you say you will, then I will keep DD with me in our room while I relax. SD is here to spend time with you and her sister for one day a week, and you need to facilitate that as they are your daughters."
If you can't say that to him because he'll get mad and won't understand why you've said it to him, then you have much bigger fish to fry in your marriage. No, you shouldn't keep SD from your DD or her father. BUT, it is your DH's responsibility to support and supervise that relationship. An 8 year old isn't even old enough to take care of themselves, much less a younger child.
Your hatred of SD is misplaced. It should be squarely on your DH for being a lackluster parent, which your own daughter is going to suffer from his ineptitude now, too. Getting rid of SD doesn't get rid of the problem.
Stop whining
Frankly allowing an 8 yr old to supervise a toddler is dangerous and probably illegal. Your DH needs to pull his head out of his patriachal arse and man up.
You need to find activities to do and be creative. It is Christmas. Go look at Christmas lights or store windows. So the trains are unreliable on the weekends. Where else do you have to be? Make play doh with SD for the 3 of you to play with.
Either you are whining and want sympathy or you are willing to do something about it.
Personally if my hard working husband came home after a 13 hr day he would have one or two tasks... Bathing the girls and rwading them a bedtime story. That woyld be all. He seems to come from a family where mommy rules and that is what he wants now. Mommy to do everything for him. That is now you.