Bad habit of SD encouraged by DH
so SD 8 comes over every Sunday afternoon and stay over night. DH started this when I was 8-month pregnant. I thought it would be easy breezy since it’s only half a day and overnight but it has been very stressful.
My husband let her get on her iPad whenever she wants. She would be on it since she arrives (at 4pm) and til she goes to bed at 9pm. The only time she’s not using it is when she showers. She even take it to the dining table when she eats. Today it’s even worse since there’s no school tomorrow. She’s been on since 4pm til midnight.
DH and I had discussions over this and he somewhat agree having iPad all the time is bad. But at the same time, he’s not doing anything about it. The point of having her over is for DH to spend time with her and I think the iPad kind of defeat the purpose.
I’m one of those parents that do not want my own kid to be exposed to iPads til they are older. Now I’m worried that when my own daughter gets older (she’s still a baby so probably won’t know to ask for an iPad), this is going to be a very bad influence on her.
Some of my friends said get her some books. But how is it my job when this is the only day his daughter come? I’m a new mother myself and I already have a hands full with my baby. On top of that, if I make too much suggestions. DH will just get upset that I crossed the line (I never really parent his child).
What would you do? I mean besides the nagging iPad noise constantly ringing in my small nyc apartments, i can tolerate it. But I worried about my own daughter in the future.
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No real advice on how to
No real advice on how to change it but it definitely comes down to DH being willing to enforce a change.
I really commented to say that if you really don't want your bio kid to be into screen time you need to shut it down now. My daughter started being interested in devices around 6 months old and now at 18 months old will take my phone or anyone else's around us if we're not paying attention to play with it. This is not due to us letting her use the phone herself just from her wanting to imitate what she sees us do.
I never thought she'd pick up in it so easily.
Ugh. Yeah, she wants the
Ugh. Yeah, she wants the phone...but you can easily keep phones away from babies.
I know I can keep the phone
I know I can keep the phone away from her and I do. I even said that I don't let her use the phone in my post. I was merely commenting on how quickly she became interested in it because she sees me and her dad on them.
What is DH doing while she is on the iPad?
What is DH doing while she is on the iPad? He should be engaging with her in some manner that does not involve a screen. Is he using it as a babysitter? If he isn't attempting to interact with her, is she doing it because there is nothing else to do?
If your DH wants to solve this problem, he can do so easily. If he doesn't see it as a problem, there is not much you can do. There is a phrase you will see around this site: "You can't care more than the parents." It can be hard to do, but you will drive yourself crazy worrying about things you can't change.
Yup he uses that as baby
Yup he uses that as baby sitter. And I do agree I can’t care more than the parents. I’m glad people on this site agree. Coz some of my friends try to guilt me and said I should feel sorry for her and start reading books and hanging out with her. But I honestly don’t have the time or energy when I have a newborn.
I understand that you don't
I understand that you don't and don't want to parent her. However, this is your home and you are perfectly within your rights to set a no electronics at the table rule. Your DH might get a surprise when he actually has to talk to her at mealtimes
You know we don’t even eat
You know we don’t even eat together. DH gave up on having family dinner when she’s around becoz 1. The bad electronic habits 2. She hates food. She will eat the most delicious thing in the world but have a sour face u would think she’s being tortured.
He doesn't want to take away
He doesn't want to take away the iPad babysitter because he doesn't want to interact with and parent her.
Earbuds. Pick the girl up
Earbuds. Pick the girl up some earbuds so she can have her obsession without the noise affecting others with the noise.
You've got awhile before Baby notices the iPad isn't just a normal extension of the older child's hand.... and by the time Baby does notice, the older girl will be pushing pre-teen and not wanting to come anymore due to boredom and lack of interaction with her father (she'll prefer ILR peers by then).
A shame, but *shrugs*, it's his kid.
This is great advice. I’m
This is great advice. I’m really annoyed by the iPad. I can’t make her stop watching but but I think earbuds will eliminate a lot of my annoyance. Going to buy them on amazon now!!!
Your baby = your rules with
Your baby = your rules with how you want to raise her. It's not going to affect her if you don't give it to her and hold to the mantra of "don't worry about what SD gets to do; worry about yourself".
I think why it bothers you so much is because you see just how unengaged your DH is with parenting, and you know this is what will be in store for your own child if you are ever not in the picture.
Kind of true. Yea I do worry
Kind of true. Yea I do worry about that *sad*
So this man had his daughter
So this man had his daughter for less than 24 hours each week. The kid spends the majority of that limited time glued to a screen.
The problem isnt the Ipad. Headphones are a simply fix for the noise. The problem is you are just realizing that your husband is not a good parent. Chances are you're wondering if he will parent your child in the same manner he parents your SD.
Oh, Im in NYC as well , Brooklyn
Manhattan here! Yea I think I
Manhattan here! Yea I think I’ll do the ‘good parenting’. The only bright side is my daughter will be closer to me (hopefully lol)
Went through this with DH
Went through this with DH when SD15 (then 11) got a laptop computer - albeit a cheap one, but unlimited internet access 24/7. I was totally against it but what do I know? She was constantly on it. No more play time, no more interactions. Big attitude. Unacceptable emails with her friends. Etc.
Then she got a phone. See above all over again. Then she got an iPhone. And another laptop.
And DH wondered why she was not interacting with us and stayed in her room, in her pj's ALL WEEKEND. Refused to bathe, eat normally or clean up after herself. Because she's additcted DH. And if you don't physically take away her devices and literally lock them up, she'll continue to do so. And if you cannot figure out how to limit her wifi access, then that's also on you.
He never did anything. Ultimately it's up to the parent to parent. I knew I had zero say in the situation and stayed well clear of it.
Yup. It may be terrible for
Yup. It may be terrible for me to say this. But I care more about the affect on my daughter than SD’s social interactions in the future. I’ll just try my best to shield her away from the bad influence
Put Parental Controls on your
Put Parental Controls on your router. A kid that young should not have access to whatever she wants at all hours of the day and night.
Study after study is proving that screen time causes mental health problems. For everyone. The adults should lay off the electronics too. Set a good example.