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Holiday photos

Missnyc's picture

We have been taking DD for holiday pics for 2 years and I want to continue this tradition. But DH all of a sudden told me this year we should get SD to be in the pics. My world crumbled. Maybe I shouldn’t feel this way but I’d rather not send my friends and family the holiday cards if she’s in it! Maybe I’m evil but that’s honestly how I feel. 

Is there a way around it without making DH feels a certain way? Right now I’m just not going to arrange any professionals to take any pics at all (I’m the one who’s always planning these things) and he hasn’t say anything so far. 

Omg I don’t know how can I survive this holiday season. It’s not even thanksgiving yet

Comments

beebeel's picture

Have the photographer take some of your kid, some of his, some of just you and your kid and some of all of you together. You can have two cards made and send one of just your pumpkin to your family and friends. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Here's the thing, OP. Your previous blogs make it fairly clear two things: one, your DH is not a great parent; and two, you want to erase SD from your life.

If her mere presence makes your world crumble, you need to re-examine your current situation. She's not even 10 years old yet, so most of her behavior is brought about by poor parenting. You already limit the time your DH can spend with his daughter, so it's not unreasonable that he'd want photos of both his kids together. If your only resolution to this is to prevent your own child from building traditions because your DH wants to include his other child and the sister of your DD, then your child is going to have a very unfilled life and you're just going to resent your DH and SD.

This whole issue of photos is a minor thing. Extremely minor. To allow it to crumble your world, no matter what other stress you have, is bad for your mental health. There are several solutions to this problem, one of which would appease both you and your DH by having a variety of photos taken.

Another thing, all because we come here to vent and support other SPs doesn't mean we are an echo chamber. If we think a SP is out of line, we'll say something. Support can also come with constructive criticism.

Disneyfan's picture

You were offered useful advice.

Have the photographer do several poses. 

The 4 you

You, husband and daughter 

You and husband 

Dad and both girls

You and your daughter

You and husband 

Both girls

This way you will get the family photos you want and your husband will get the family photos he wants. 

Unless your goal is to exclude SD all together, there's really no reason for this to be an issue. 

Lizzylemon's picture

I get ptsd looking at homeless looking feral child sd9 so I had to implement house rule #1021: no photos of people in my house so I didn’t have to look at her. It sucks because I would love to have photos of dh and I Sitting out. I keep a photo box and add photos of dh and I to it and will do the same thing when my child is born.

Perhaps you can have a relative or family friend over to informally take photos of your family when the skid happens to not be there and use those photos for your holiday card? 

Disneyfan's picture

"Perhaps you can have a relative or family friend over to informally take photos of your family when the skid happens to not be there and use those photos for your holiday card? "

Why do something so petty and passive aggressive when a simple compromise will give BOTH of them what they  want?

Why encourage her to "trick" her husband into doing something that he has made clear he doesn't want to do?

lieutenant_dad's picture

This.

Folks, we all need to remember that we are in RELATIONSHIPS with our partners, and with that comes respecting them. Tricking them or purposefully doing something that you know would hurt them to appease yourself is the EXACT OPPOSITE of a healthy relationship.

Steplife can be annoying, but if the only way you can function through it is to lie, trick, undermine, and/or disrespect your spouse/relationship/their kids, you might want to consider that steplife isn't for you and kindly exit before you give all SPs a bad name.

Chmmy's picture

If I had a little cutie, I sure wouldn't want a skid in the picture. Just having a skid at the photo session would ruin it(if your skids are anything like mine). You only have your child once. Do what you were going to do and have DH arrange another photo session with DD and SD. If your DH is anything like the other DHs I read about he will never make a move.  They only want things if they don't have to do anything. Crisis averted lol.

It must feel awful to have  a child with someone and have a step butting in on your life with your child. I had 2 kids, they are 25 & 23 now and refused to have a child with DH because I wouldn't raise a child around his kids and I told him that I would never raise a child in the house of feral children. Siblings learn from the older ones and if the skids were mine I'd look into foster care for them. I never would have moved in there with my kids either...while they are older they would still be influenced by the feral behavior. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Having SD in some pics is not the end of the world. But make sure you get pics taken in all sorts of combos with her in and out of some. Ido this because if my DH and I ever split (I hope not but let's be realistic) and if we ever split I don't want all of the special occasion pictures of my DD to include SD. 

O also don't want my DD to miss out on things because SD isn't there or because I want to avoid her. Don't ruin you and your kids experiences to spite your stepkids.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

3 choices:

  1. A plethora of pictures in a variety of combinations to appease everyone. Because purposely excluding SD is a shite thing to do. Send different pictures as it suits. 
     
  2. Send out Christmas cards with a lovely Winter or Christmas or any-other-holiday scene instead of people.
     
  3. Don't send out any cards. Donate the money to those in need. Take a bunch of pictures in the suggested combinations and send them, as needed, to those who want them.

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

"DH, while I understand that you want both children in our holiday photos, I would also like to keep up the tradition of taking DD for her yearly photo. They are really special to me, and to my parents, grandparents etc. I'm going to schedule DD's for December x and another for both girls on December Y. We can figure out a good combination for the holiday cards after that."

And then drop it. You are going to have both girls at home for the holidays for at least another 8 years. So eventually, it might be easier and less $$ to do them all on one day. But if it bothers you this much now, throw some money at the problem and get the photo experience you want with your DD.

And for the record, I have historically done two sessions as well (one with bios only, one the following month with both bios and steps). This year will be different for a number of reasons, but the two separate sessions always worked for us.

Disneyfan's picture

I just read the old blog as well.   I'm convinced that some women are just determined to live up to the evil SM stereotypes.

Livingoutloud's picture

Holly molly those blogs... wow. This couple is like nightmarish horror movie. Stereotypical evil SM amd stereotypical lazy useless DH. Poor kids.