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If she's such a "good Christian," why is she lying to our kid?

SMIT's picture

BM's “great wisdom” has struck again. I’m a practicing Catholic and my 3 YO son is being raised Catholic. That includes saying a traditional prayer before meals. Last night after the little one and 9YO SS prayed before dinner, SS asked me, “Are you a Christian?” I said, “Yep, Catholics were the first Christians.” He said, “Oh, because my mom said I shouldn’t do this (made the Sign of the Cross) because you pray to Jesus and to some lady who was Jesus’ wife or sister or something.”

I tried to give him a simple explanation of why Catholics believe Mary is so special (since she was Jesus’ mother) and that we DO NOT worship her. I understand that I heard all of this from a 9 YO who often confuses things, but it p*ssed me off. First I was really hot and then I realized BM just doesn’t know the facts about it. Then I got mad again because I would NEVER say anything about her church/faith tradition because I don’t know anything about it. She belongs to a mega church that I’ve attended maybe twice for special occasions. She talks all the time about how active she is at her church and says she can't do certain things because, "My Christian side just won't let me."

I want the opportunity to calmly and in a non-confrontational way ask her what she really said to SS, but I doubt I’ll get it. DH said if anything else like this comes up, then absolutely. I just freakin’ hate keeping my mouth shut all the time to keep the peace. It’s all I’ve done for seven years.

We say two prayers before meals—one SS learned when he was little and “Bless us, o Lord…” All four of us say those prayers together. I explained to SS that it’s just how our family does it at our house and DH told SS that he’s not being forced to do anything. I hope I get to find out what BM really said to him. If she’s truly anti-Catholic, that really goes against her “I’m such an awesome Christian” line. Ugh…

Before anybody gets up in arms and says I’m being unfair to anyone who’s not Catholic, please understand that I’ve had bad experiences before with conservative fundamentalist Christians. I’ve had people get in my face and point fingers at me and tell me what they “know for a fact” is wrong about Catholicism. It bums me out because I’d never do that to someone else. Sad

Has anybody else dealt with this kind of thing?


DaizyDuke's picture

On the other hand, it has been my experience that often the folks who talk most about their faith and use it to judge others, have the largest piles of dung in their backyards.

SOOOO True! BM#2 goes to her cult type church or "class" as they call it three times a week, but is the most foul mouthed, selfish, mean spirited, downright crass person I have ever met. She must be like Jekyll and Hyde... must put on a good show with her "church" buddies and a different show for everyone else. My MIL is also one of those who goes to bible study, goes to church, talks about being a wonderful Christian, but is the biggest gossiper and maniplulator I have ever met and judgemental? Don't even get me started on that!

The funny thing is as zealous as they are, these are the kind of people that turn people OFF from religion. you could never tell THEM that of course.. they are Saints! I'd love to point out that going to church 12 times a week doesn't make you a good person any more than standing in the garage makes you a car.... but that wouldn't go over too well I presume.

briarmommy's picture

Yes, luckily I don't have to deal with it from BM though because she has no relgion or faith of any kind. A lot of fundamentalists have issues with Catholics and it can get very frustrating so I get it, but honestly I have gotten to the point that I realize they are punished by there ignorance and not worth my time.

I have the oppisate problem with SS he came to me the other day and said he doesn't believe in God, I had a talk with him and asked him why, he couldn't give an answer, he probably heard it from his mom or uncle. I think this is sad because they are taking away from him something that could be such a comfort in his life. So I just told him that if he doesnt' believe that is his choice but his father, sister, and I do believe and he would have to respect that. Then I told him that I hoped that someday he might change his mind because believing is something can fufill you and give you hope.

Disneyfan's picture

It sounds like mom has issues with your religion and SS mixed up a few things he heard.

Christians aren't perfect.

briarmommy's picture

No one is perfect, but they should be tolerant. Catholics are Christan to and sometimes people overlook that for there own bias.

dragonfly5's picture

"I’ve had bad experiences before with conservative fundamentalist Christians".

Please don't lump all of us in together.

I was raised catholic, went to a Baptist Church for 20 yrs and now go to Non denominational church.

Religion is man made. God is God. Unfortunately most people can't separate that fact.

If the BM in your case wants to establish her faith as the dominate religion in her child's life, she need to go about it in a better way.

Our BM can cuss like a sailor and then go right into church and raise her hands and praise God. It baffles me.

Are you bothered because she doesn't want him to make the sign of the cross? Or the fact that she is may be undermining you faith? Or that you DH doesn't care?

We all hold hands when we pray before a meal. FSS14 then 12 had a problem with it, he was uncomfortable with it especially in a restaurant. His mom the super Christian doesn't pray before they eat.

My SO explained to him it was my family tradition, and that it meant a lot to me. So now most of the time he participates. If he doesn't no big deal He needs to establish his on faith system.

Religion is a tough subject especially when there are different faiths in the homes.

SMIT's picture

@dragonfly5: I should have written "some conservative fundamentalist Christians." So sorry! I know many, many wonderful conservative Christians and it was never my intention to make it read like a sweeping generalization. Smile

SMIT's picture

@dragonfly5: I should have written "some conservative fundamentalist Christians." So sorry! I know many, many wonderful conservative Christians and it was never my intention to make it read like a sweeping generalization. Smile

Oi Vey's picture

I kinda get this. I mean, non-Catholic Christians don't do the cross thing and they don't pray to Mary. He sounds like he just gave you a simplified version of what he was told?

dragonfly5's picture

I do know what you mean. Christians do more damage to christianity than anyone else ever could.

Just keeping being you. You actions speak louder than your words and he will figure it out.

SMIT's picture

@dragonfly5: It's not that DH doesn't care. I didn't write that clearly, either! He told SS that while he's not Catholic, either, he prays before meals with us to help the 3YO learn. He's got his issues with going to church right now, but has always supported my choice and has never tried to steer me otherwise or given me a hard time. I'm a cradle Catholic and don't see myself ever leaving.

My biggest problem is that BM told our boy something completely wrong but acted like it was gospel truth. At least SS brought it up so I could gently tell him how it really is. I don't know anything about her church beyond it being Christian and very large. If he asked me anything about that faith tradition, I'd have to tell him to ask his mom or grandma.

IMightBeWicked's picture

I have experienced similar situations where comments were made to me and about me in regards to being Catholic. Most have stemmed from mis-information and/or ignorant stereotypes. It wasn't right for her to make any statement on your faith if she isn't familiar with it. Unfortunately, people do this all the time and will continue to do it. You're lucky SS brought it up and that you were able to gently correct the information. While it'd be nice to talk to her about it, she'll probably feel attacked and/or lie. People don't like to admit mistakes, especially when it comes to their kids (at least in my experiences). Take it with a grain of very irritating salt and continue to demonstrate good Christian values to your kids, like it seems you do. Best of luck!