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Just a random vent about the future

Midwest Stepmom's picture

Dh and I got on the subject of BS2months and SS12.5. He said he wanted to take ss out and do something with just him because he might be feeling left out due to baby. I said that was fine for now but eventually he will have to take both kids along.

He didn't understand why. His thought was bs lives with us and would always get daddy time and ss would get individual dad time when he is with us eowe. I tried explaining that is bs always see when ss comes over dad takes ss out and leave bs home, bs will start to resent ss and feel second class.

I know this feeling because my mom did this to me and my siblings. It's not bs fault that dad had a previous wife and they created a child together and that mom married someone with this "extra stuff". Ss does not need to be treated like an only child, he has 4 siblings at his mothers house. He needs to get use to it.

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Well Ss is 12 yrs old and the little one is 2 months old. By the time SS will notice your BS will be about 3 and SS will be nearing 16 and hanging with Dad may be up there with kissing his mother in public. With any luck!

kathc's picture

^^^^^^^^^^^This^^^^^^^^^^

This is what I'm hoping for you.

Plus, never know, SS might be up for taking BS out once in a while for brother time Smile

Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

yeah, I think with the age difference this isn't going to be an issue. Just have dad take BS out and do father/son stuff as well. So BS sees that he has time alone with Daddy and that his brother has time alone with Daddy. That is what we do.

My DH will take his kids (SS12, SD11) out and do stuff without BS3.. and that just becomes time alone for BS and Mommy. And then we will all do stuff as a family as well.

hereiam's picture

Agree with oneoffour.

Also, as long as your DH is not doing it ALL of the time, I don't see a problem with it. If BS sees it happening on a semi regular basis, he will get used to it without thinking anything about it. He will have his own outings with his dad when SS is not there.

More than likely, your BS will only think it's a big deal if the people around him make it one. Otherwise, it's just perceived as normal.

DaizyDuke's picture

I don't know? Isn't it normal for intact families to do separate things with different kids? Like my best friend has twins (boy/girl) and another younger girl. A couple of weeks ago, her husband took both girls camping for some father/daughter thing they do and my friend brought her son to my house and we all went kayaking together. Their family does this kind of thing all the time.

I guess I don't see it as a big deal. and the age difference is so going to make this not matter in in about 2 years max. My skids are 16 and 15 and DH and I have BS4. Skids could pretty much care less about DH right now, so BS4 is pretty much an "only child" most of the time.