Cat is Out of the Bag and Pays Taxes
BM: SD told me about the baby. You can afford to have another baby but can't file your taxes!!!!!!!
That was the text DH received. I told him she would flip when she found out. For whatever reason he thought it wouldn't phase her; like it has nothing to do with her so why would she care. O was he wrong.
I'm sure there was more to the conversation but that is all DH has told me. I'll try to get more details.
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I really wish I could answer
I really wish I could answer all your questions but I'm just not crazy. I can't think like that.
The questions I can answer: he pays extra on his support order to catch up. I don't think DH has ever depended on his taxes to pay his arrears, he just doesn't make that much to get that much back.
When it comes to him losing his job, honestly i could lose my job. I'm not going to stop having a kid because something unforeseen could happen in 10 years or two weeks. That's life. I would have to adjust to it. It would be hard and it would be sad and I'd probably complain but i don't think most people say to themselves "if i would have known he was going to lose his job i would have never had this child".
In my state, as I have seen it work in most cases i have seen, they do recognize that a father has to provide for other kids (if there are any). His support would never go down because he had new kids but if he were to lose his job then they would lower it. It's all about the "circumstance". If he were to make more money then they would recognize that he has kids and it would be a factor, but his suport would still go up, just not as much if he didn't have any kids outside of the order.
Lol. BM has a sister that has
Lol.
BM has a sister that has kids with with 2 different men. We all actually had a court date on the same day which is how i found out about the sister.
I can't prove anything but i thibk this sister is the one who informs BM on the ins and outs and what's happenings in child support .
pssst, BM... you smell like
pssst, BM... you smell like desperation and failure. You do you and we'll do us. Thanks
PREACH
PREACH
I would text back "who is
I would text back "who is this?" lol
I know, right? Sometimes....
I know, right? Sometimes....
Let's unpack this line of
Let's unpack this line of thought for a second because i find this really curious:
Why does everyone accept that kid 2 is not as important as kid 1? Why is it acceptable for someone to even think that one should put off having kids until a debt is paid? BM has no right to be offended, angry or even chided because he has another child. Would it be appropiate to be upset with her if she had a different child with a different man? Because both positions put a made up social construct on the birth of a child (owing a debt, having kids by different men)
Neither case gives agency to the women who have the children either.
I don't understand and have never understood this line of thinking.
Children aren't houses tho.
Children aren't houses tho. This isn't a business transaction.
If more people looked at kids
If more people looked at kids like a business transaction there would be less kids.
True but is that even a
True but is that even a society we want to live in? That sounds like the farengi from star trek. Lol
We live in a society that has
We live in a society that has over a half a million kids in foster care and this is in the United States alone.
Yea. Just found out a month
Yea. Just found out a month ago. We were going to keep it under wraps until i started showing but this baby is making me sick.
Preparing for a baby will
Preparing for a baby will start before the baby gets here, maybe they haven't started today but a baby does cost money before they arrive on the scene.
Okay so what is your point?
Okay so what is your point? Did you owe someone else money? You didn't have to pay co-pays to go to the doctor?
The point is not what you did the point is that a BM is pissed because she is owed back child support that her ex husband is dragging his feet on paying and now he is producing a human. It only takes 9.5 months to grow a baby so unless he has her paid off before then I can see the BM's view. The cost to have a kid is 6 figures so yes if you owe money to someone else then in my book you have no business creating more debt.
Child support is a totally
Child support is a totally made up arbitrary concept, like time. SD isn't wanting for anything, she's fed and cared for. Being 1500 behind doesn't change that. No one can arbitrarily say in the middle of a relationship i feel like you owe me for this this and that. Just because we made a legal system that does does not mean that in the grand scheme of things that it is right.
DH takes care of SD and BM takes care if SD. The state swoops in and says one owes the other so that gives the other party to to have an opinion on the other's reproduction schedule?
Wow that was really bold of
Wow that was really bold of her. Where do those people even come from? Like you said, she should have thought about it.
I didn't spend anything until
I didn't spend anything until the second trimester.
Neither did I. My oldest sister gave me all of the big stuff she no longer needed: baby bed and matching dresser, playpen, car seat, baby swing, stroller. She also gave me lots of baby clothes - some were brand new. By the time I was ready to start buying more baby stuff, I miscarried at 5 months.
Sorry Aniki, that is an
Sorry Aniki, that is an horrible thing to experience.
If you are behind in CS for
If you are behind in CS for kid A, but go on to have kid B, then yeah, that's a problem.
I look at it in the same light as a woman getting knocked up while receiving public assistance for the first kid. If you aren't able to support the kids you have without government assistance, why have more?
The same applies with CS. A NCP having more kids while in arrears will cause people to give him/her the side eye.
It's not even a little bit
It's not even a little bit the same thing, Disney.
People are allowed to have kids. Period.
Who cares if people are happy
Who cares if people are happy or unhappy about it?
It's no one's business.
And, yes, Disney was saying that people can't have kids if they are in arrears. Ridiculous.
I didn't say you can't. In
I didn't say you can't. In my opinion, if you're having problems affording the kids you have, then you shouldn't have more until the financial problems are solved.
I didn't say you can't. In
I didn't say you can't. In my opinion, if you're having problems affording the kids you have, then you shouldn't have more until the financial problems are solved.
It is the buying of new
It is the buying of new vehicles and going on vacations and being in arrears that frosts my cookies.
Right, that, i feel is
Right, that, i feel is something totally right to be upset about
OK. I gave your BM the
OK. I gave your BM the gracious excuse of the benefit of the doubt on her first request. The 'have you filed your income taxes'. Being he is in arrears she does have some interest in potentially receiving something from it before he does.
But this? No. Now she's just being a b*tch.
If he is paying current CO CS amount along with the state ordered monthly arrear catch-up , he's doing what he is legally required to. I'm assuming for example, he is paying $500 a month regular ordered CS plus $50 additional applied for arrears. Yeah, it will take forever, but he's doing what's required. Sure, BM will get back in a faster timeframe if the state can snag a $1000 tax refund and apply it to his arrears...but there is no state or federal law that demands a person file their taxes before mid-April. None. Regardless if a BM is beating down the door to get her desired cut of it.
As to the news of a forthcoming additional child? Meh, yeah, I'm sure it p*sses BM off to be owed back support and here comes another child into your household. However, it really changes nothing in how nor what BM receives for her child.
If your state says your DH pays (example) 20% of her net income per month to his first child That is still what he will pay. In my state even if you divorced your DH after having this second child, BM still get 20% of Dad's net income. You would receive 28% (per my state) for your two children, but your support would be 28% of the remaining %80 of his net income after BM receives her child's %20 of Dad's original 100% .
THIS!!!!!
THIS!!!!!
If I didn't have the money
If I didn't have the money myself, I'd borrow money from my own family to pay that CS and have DH pay you back directly just to shut that lady up.
I don't have any kids but if I did and the BD owed money to me then I found out he was planning to have another child I have to say I'd be pissed. I guess I'd be thinking that he can't afford the kids that you already have why are you making more. If you didn't owe her any money then she wouldn't have any ammo but IMHO one you owe someone money they sort of have a right to make judgements about what you are spending money on. In my mid 20's my ex husband and I lent his friend $2000, this guy would come over with new clothes on and a bottle of Jack, about the 3rd time he came over I busted out on him asking how in the world he thought it was okay to come to our house with a bottle when he owed us money?! The look on his face was priceless but I took each bottle he had as an insult, he was spending $30 on a bottle when he should have been giving it to us.
And again here is the
And again here is the difference, one, we did have a payment plan, two he was a friend and not family and third a few hundred bucks is different than $2000.00.
But this guy is doing what
But this guy is doing what the state says he is obligated to do, right? He's current and he is paying down the arrearage...
So, what's the big deal???
It's only $1500, why not just
It's only $1500, why not just pay it off? Then avoid all nasty texts altogether.
We don't all have to agree, that is the beautiful thing about StepTalk. I get he is doing what the state told him to do but in my mind I agree with BM. Her kids are going without the money he owes to support them and he is making other babies. Like I said I would pay her off myself just to take her ammo away.
Exactly
Exactly
Why transfer one form of debt
Why transfer one form of debt for a different oneto appease her? That would then add an extra 130 a month on top of his Cs. All because she feel like she has a right to have payment all at once when ahe wants it?
I have a mortgage. I had a
I have a mortgage. I had a baby anyway. Baby will see 20 before I pay off that dang debt.
Owing debt on a home is
Owing debt on a home is totally different than owing debt on humans you've produced.
You can't owe a debt on a
You can't owe a debt on a human
Disagree. If there is a
Disagree. If there is a legal agreement about how much is owed and when it is paid back, and he's following the agreement (payments and arrears are being paid on the agreed-to schedule, from what I read), then debt is debt is debt.
If you have maxed out all your credit cards and decide to have a kid, is VISA going to call you up and give you an earful? Nope. They only care if you pay. And if you're unable to pay but make an agreement for a payment plan, then they won't care about arrears because there is an agreed-to plan for repayment.
Were you the one who gave a friend sh!t for wearing new clothes after you agreed to loan him $2K even though he was repaying on schedule?
Yes, I am the one that gave
Yes, I am the one that gave the friend shi* that owed money, that had a payment schedule that he didn't meet and had the money for new clothes and Jack Daniels. And? If he so much money to blow on crap why not pay us back earlier than agreed?
Owing Visa for crap that you've purchased and owing child support are 2 different things in my book. Maybe you guys have reasoned out how it is okay because the state provided the guidelines and he is meeting the guidelines and paying as agreed but I just don't see it but then again I don't live with any debt other than my mortgages. I am comfortable with everyone thinking I am crazy (wouldn't be the first time) but I do see why BM feels slighted.
Not meeting the payments is a
Not meeting the payments is a different story.
In your shoes I probably would have written the money, and the friendship, off... but maybe moving through a confrontation instead I could maintain at least one of the two.
I deleted the "yoir husband
I deleted the "yoir husband does" comment because i believe is is utterly disgusting to suggest you can owe money on a human. It's akin to slavery to buying body parts.
If you have a point to make, then make it but to put a price value on a human is reprehensible.
What if they were together
What if they were together and all that happened? They would work together to accomplish the goal. SD would wsit for her braces.
If they got pregnant again while SD needed braces then they would work together to accomplish that goal.
Then not being together doesnt give her the right to demand anything because she needs it right now. They should be working together right now but because its not working the way BM wsnts it, it means it doesn't count? Half of the blogs here are about that very same line of BM thinking.
" but no one still knows why
" but no one still knows why BM wants the lump sum money now. maybe it is SD related? maybe not"
Op's explanation from yesterday's blog:
" The short of it is that she got a job paying more money and lost the state insurance for SD8. Now that she has to pau for the insurance she wants him to pay more money. He says take him to court. She doesn't want to take him to court she just wants him to put the money in her hand. "
All BM has to do if her child needs something for healthcare insurance and/or medical split agreement is to file in court. BM doesn't want to go to court, she just wants ex to pay her extra without going through the legal process. If the guy handed her extra money without CO and documentation of having done so and what for, where does that leave Dad when BM claims he didn't pay his share? Or a court says 'sorry, sucker, that was considered a gift, and now you owe______'?
WTH with all the what ifs ?
I caught that and i was going
I caught that and i was going to say something but thought better of it. If you have to go that far to prove ypur point ain't no amount of what i have to say can do anything
No, she doesn't. It's that
No, she doesn't. It's that simple.
How is it equality to say a man can't have a child because he owes arrears but a woman can have additional children if she recieves support? If that is how it works then it should work that way for both sides.
No one is asking for her to work with him. If she has that much of a grievance then she can take him to court. But i doubt a court is going to all of a sudden jump down his throat and put him in jail or shake the morality finger at him because he somehow can't expedite the payment plan that he has been on.
You are absolutely correct. I
You are absolutely correct. I asked DH if he was interested in taking her back to court and he said no. He doesn't think he needs to and he thinks of she wants to so bad she should do the footwork.
BM just wants the money in hand. If she takes him to court thw judge will ask her why she didn't report her new income. (The income that caused her to lose state insurance so she had to pay for insurance out of her paycheck. Thats the short of it. I explained it more in a prior blog)
Okay so this might now be one
Okay so this might now be one of my more popular comments but I'm pretty sure ST is for venting.
Somehow this has turned into Judge Judy.
The woman is pregnant. That's not going to change. The ethicality of her pregnancy matters not. Baby is coming. She's allowed to vent about bitchy BM.
So true. But it's not even
So true. But it's not even the fact that i am pregnant. BM really has no hold/control over my household and I find it odd that she tries. This time, due to the timing, it seems like BM only needs the 1500 because she found out there is a new baby. She has never said anything about his arrears until she found out there was a new baby on the way. But the Step Talk morality police are out in full uniform.
She's probably jelly. File
She's probably jelly.
File it under the "not my circus not my monkey" file.
You've got your own monkey on the way.
And while I'm feeling preachy-there is no right or wrong to life. There is just what is and what isn't. We all have chapters in our lives we don't read out loud and we've all come up short at some point. Those short comings don't get to dictate the rest of our lives. Sounds like SO is trying to do the right thing and get straight. That's all you can ask for
Loooooool. Child support is a
Loooooool. Child support is a touchy subject I'm learning. When i go out i will remember the 3 things to never talk about in polite society: religion, politics and child support.
Thanks for you earlier comment. I have been taking it easy this time around. Lazing around the house more and sucking up all the foot rubs i can get
Oh ok. It's only recently
Oh ok. It's only recently been causing issues so it wasn't a thing anyone had considered. Plus i only came here to vent about the intrusion on my life and the audacoty of BM trying to leverage something out of him this way. It only blew up on here. DH hasn't been so concerned about it because he is already doing what he is ordered to do.
Dispite what i have told him he is also buying SD extras because BM has been saying she can't afford thisnor she can't afford that.
All this has been BM's new tactics since DH told her he isnt paying her any money in her hand.
I've told him that. He is
I've told him that. He is just being stubborn. BM has been sending her in too small clothing so he doesn't want her to wait for CS to come through so SD can get what she needs.
I wouldn't want my kid in too small clothing so i know how he feels. I just also know tha BM has been ramping up her "I'm poor" speech ever since she got her raise.
His extras are a $15 pair or
His extras are a $15 pair or shoes or a shirt. Its not often and its only been since january. He doesn't see itbas a problem or worth the hassle to mail it to CS.
I wish he did.
DH to BM: Yes we have twins
DH to BM: Yes we have twins on the way....
I would drive her bat shit crazy lol.....because it's got nothing to do with her, or Dh could've told her... Lochness is not a lazy ass woman like you she supports me and our children, don't be jealous cause she refuses to support you... you are not sleeping with her