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OT(ish) Marriage Counseling

livizzle's picture

Does anyone have experience with marriage/couples counseling? DH has agreed to go (though I believe it's just to throw me under the bus, but who knows), and I am so confused as to where to begin.

I am looking at the enormous list of providers covered by our insurance, and I have no idea how to narrow it done. What questions should I ask? Or should I just pick one, go, and see if they're worth going back to? I've been googling reviews, but that isn't very helpful.


amber3902's picture

In my previous marriage, we went to three different marriage counselors over the span of the ten year marriage.

The first one was a lady, so my then husband said of course she was going to take my side. A few years later we then went to a male marriage counselor. We went for six months and it did help. However, the counseling only stuck for a about year and then my husband was back to his old ways. The last marriage counselor we had was a black pastor who basically told me I should be grateful I had a black man that had a job and didn't cheat on me. :jawdrop: We didn't go back to that one.

The counseling only worked when we went for several months, and even then it's like the lessons only stuck for so long. I realized my husband was never really going to change and I divorced him.

My best advice for marriage counseling is just to pick one. Find one that works with your schedule and budget. If either of you don't like him/her, then try someone different. It's sort of like picking a doctor, unfortunately you just have to go with trial and error until you find one you like. Good luck.

zerostepdrama's picture

My ex and I went and it helped us for the time being. If anything it made me understand him more and understand why he was a tool. LOL. However, it wasn't long before he was back to his old ways.

FDH and I went as well. We went to address the issues with the skids and as part of a pre marriage counseling. It really helped for me to understand FDH more and to get another prespective.

Both times I am glad I went and found it very helpful. The first time was with a male (who was also my one on one counselor) and with FDH it was a female in the same office.

IMO if both parties work hard at wanting to make changes and grow then its helpful. However if one of the parties doesn't learn from it and apply anything, then its a waste of time.

Journey1982's picture

I went for marriage counseling before I got divorced. I didn't like the counselor and neither did my ex. Unfortunately, we didn't look for another one and just gave up on our marriage.

The counselor we had was a woman. She was really tough on my ex and she asked me if I was a lesbian. UGH!

LadyG's picture

My husband and I are going through marriage counseling now and it's finally time that I opened up about his son. I spilled the beans about everything going wrong and trust me, this woman is the BEST counselor for my situation. She calls you on any kind of BS you say but DH does love me very very very much. However, in saying that, there has been so much drama with his family that's been too much for me to handle. She knows this and has been working with us to deal with everything that has been going on.
She knows that I want nothing to do with SS at all; and DH knows and MY GODDESS, he understand! SS called this weekend and stated that he is willing now to get help and will be looking for a place to live in the same town that we live in.

Do I truly give a s**t? No...but now I am concerned for the women that will be living around where he is. He needs to stay in a half way house, bottom line. He needs more help than being alone can give him.

Goddess, help me, I'm about at my wit's end on this family drama. Thank goodness for white sage, my ghost bracelet, my black tourmaline, my jet stone and Valium.

Bojangles's picture

Counselling can be a bit of a minefield but very effective if you get the right person. Different counsellors use different approaches and have different specialisms. It is worth contacting them and asking what approach they use, and whether they are experienced in family counselling if your issues are family/child related. Ideally try to meet them first. Trust your instincts as to whether you like them and feel they are receptive and understanding. We recently had a poor series of sessions with a counsellor who was trained in couples counselling but not family counselling, without the experience of family and stepfamily dynamics she did not address our issues effectively and we ended up being referred on to a more experienced counsellor. If you don't like their manner, or feel they are not taking your feelings seriously, or the sessions seem to go round in circles and make you feel worse not better then find a different counsellor.

elvis1's picture

I agree with the posts above. Also, you have to give it LOTS of time, with my DH he got very angry about the things that were brought into the open for the first month or so that we went, it took at least a month for him to be able to see the issues without getting defensive about them. It is helping, for now.
Good Luck to you!!