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Trust, or lack thereof.

livizzle's picture

I have a Tumblr account, which I might use a few times every few months or so. I never post "personal" things, just re-blog memes, etc. It's something that I do to pass time occasionally. I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but last weekend, I mentioned this to DH. A few hours later (and far gone from the Tumblr topic), DH started this conversation:

DH: What email address did you use for Tumblr?
Me: .. why?
DH: Oh, just curious.
Me: Are you trying to log in to my account?
DH: Yeah, I want to see what you post.
Me: I'd prefer you didn't log into my accounts.

End of conversation. We were going to my parents' house that evening, so I decided to take a nap before we went. When I woke up, DH was smiling and giggling like a kid that knew he'd done something wrong. I asked him what was up, and after a few prods, he responded with "I figured out which email you used, and I saw what you posted on Tumblr". It made me furious, but we were celebrating my birthday that night, and I let it go.

I have nothing to hide, but that's not that point. If I am sending a text or looking at something on Facebook, etc., DH will make a point to come over and try to kiss me, so that he can look at my phone or computer. Once when DH and I were separated, he even told me that he would log into my online banking just to see where I had been spending money!

I knew that DH was creeping on more than just Tumblr, so before I went to bed last night, I changed the password on everything that I could think of. When I woke up this morning, I had a message on Facebook from DH asking why I had changed my passwords. A few minutes later, he sent another one that said, "oh, I see you didn't change the password on CreditKarma. Why?" WTF. He'd even been looking at my credit report?!

BM cheated on DH with her current husband, and I don't believe that DH has ever gotten over this. He doesn't trust ME, and I can't live that way. I have NEVER given DH a reason to not trust me. I AM NOT BM!

I feel like such a fool. I was out of this situation, and then my heart hit my brain with a bat and took off down the DH runway. Stupid, stupid, stupid.


just.his.wife's picture

Go change the password, hit "reply" on his text "Thanks, I missed that one... fixed".

Then ignore any resulting text.

btw: In case he is any good at hacking try using the pw to everything as DH4doucheofyear

HungryEyes's picture

I kind of see from both sides of this one. I was cheated on in the past and it makes trust very difficult. However, the key I have found is that you have to be open about this from the get go. For example, I told my fiancé, when he asked me to be in a relationship that I had an open phone rule. I wanted his password and he could have mine. I would never delete a text or a call or hide anything from him and I expected the same respect. I told him if this arrangement doesn't work for you, then I'm happy to remain friends. But this is my boundary. He also has made his facebook and email accounts always open on our home computer (although I don't look, really except sometimes to laugh at BM craziness) and I would do the same for him. But I made that condition clear. I did not go behind his back.

If not having your privacy violated is a deal breaker - let him know now. On the other side, you have the right to say 'This is my private life and you don't have complete access.' And that's fine. But the trick is for both sides to be on the same page.

Cristal's picture

Trust a consortium of independent organization formed to limit competition by controlling the production and distribution of a product or service.they set up the trust in the hope of gaining the monopoly."Tumblr is a great and papular micro bloging site".