I'm going to try a new thing with my dh. I'm going to try to not get angry or cold with him. I'm very, very tired of his ew being in our lives...she's more in our lives than her own...which would be kinda sad except that she's not involving herself with us to feel better or because she misses dh, it's because she CAN and she likes the CONTROL.
So anyway, I've decided that instead of having an argument (which upsets me more than dh) or me turning myself off completely and becoming unemotional, I've decided to let him handle things in his own way. Big momentous thing for me there. I feel like I'm in this car or something just careening wildly down the freeway with no one at the wheel, going faster and faster. And instead of my grabbing the wheel and jamming my foot on the break, I'm going to try to just let him steer us to wherever he thinks we should be.
I had an epiphany the other day... DH was saying about how he divorced the EW for all these different reasons, primarily because HOW she is isn't compatible with how he is...like, their philosophies on living completely don't mesh. What I got from that was that he loves me because I am different from her. I spend alot of time thinking I'm not good enough or that we won't be successful in our relationship because I'm NOT like her...but that's exactly why he thinks we WILL be successful. I think I really get it now. He isn't with her because they weren't compatible for whatever reasons, and he thinks he is compatible with me...that we have enough in common to work out.
So, I'm going to try to remember why he loves me...because I'm NOT her...and not obsess about not being her...if that makes sense...