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I got my mother's day gift and it was better than I could have imagined

lil_teapot's picture

I have been fighting with fh lately alot. The golf deal from my earlier blog, and the fact that he doesn't listen to me, and rearranges the schedule w/o consulting me. It's been a pretty ugly week. We don't fight around the skids though.
FH has been really hard on them too. He yells at them alot and they don't mind him, but that's nothing new. I still stick up for them when he isn't fair or parenting in a bad way (like switching up rules unfairly w/o telling them).
So last night ss14 had gone with his mom, and ss13 was staying with us/me. I found out about this little schedule change when I got home. The skids were out of the house so I unloaded on fh telling him what a spineless weasel he is to allow bm to change the schedule constantly(which she does) and that he'd better get his priorities in order because I am ready to call it quits! So we went round and round bout how he had supposedly cleared it with me the other day but I don't recall that conversation...I recall him wanting to leave early tomorrow for our vacation. So I was mad that because we were leaving, bm wanted us to have the skids here--which made it very hard to pack/get ready since I always spend my time with them and not do my 'chores'. So FH really made me mad and I left to go tanning.
When I got back, fh had left for work, and ss13 had come home. He was going to go down to his friends house to play. He'd cleared it with his dad, after getting screamed at by fh for not coming home on time, missing dinner, etc. So he says he left me a note, which I figured was him just telling me he was going down the street. So he leaves and I go read the note he left.
It said, "LT, I'm sorry my dad yells at you alot. He yells at me too and it makes me sad. I'm sad that he makes you cry. I love you. Love, ss13"
I was crying when I read that. I couldn't believe he would write that he loves me...I mean we have a great relationship and whatnot but I don't say I love you to him alot and he only says it when I do--which I said he doesn't ever have to say if he doesn't mean it. So that made me cry that he would actually write it in there twice like that. For all my nagging fh about not getting anything for mother's day, this was the nicest thing anyone could ever have given me. I'm keeping it in my wallet to remind me when I'm upset and want to leave fh and give it all up, that there is someone who is counting on me to be there and that I'm actually wanted where I am...and that this is where I am supposed to be.
I never really, really relized that these kids actually love and need me. Sometimes I feel like I'm replaceable with a checkbook and a babysitter, but apparently they really do care that I'm there and I really do mean something to them...they actually do love me.
I won't be thinking of running away anymore. This is where I belong.


Sia's picture

that's sooo sweet yet so sad. Sad that he is sad about his dad yelling. Did you show DH the note? If not, you should. He really should know how his yelling is affecting his child!

LotusFlower's picture

Isn't that just the greatest feeling in the world??????....Like I always say...sooner or later these kids sort it all out for themselves and they learn who truly has their back!!!....Very happy for u LT!!! Smile

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

WowjustWow's picture

That is wonderful reassurance that you are there for a reason. That took a lot for a 13 y/o boy to write that to his SM.

I agree that you should show DH. It might be a reality check he needs.

Let us know!

~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.

lil_teapot's picture

This has been probably the best thing ever to happen. It has completely validated my life with fh in that I actually do exist and am important to someone. I knew we had a good relationship but it meant so much to me for him to do that...and he cleans for me, and does things to be nice to me...he's so sweet, such a good boy.
They've had alot of problems with him in the past, or so says his mom...and that's why he and fh got sent to counseling. He does manipulate and push button, but he's exactly like his mother.
The counselor has said he's seen marked improvements in ss13 since I came into the picture and has been good about backing me and telling me what a good job I'm doing and that I am good for the boys(since I have doubts--you know, like maybe their parents would get back together if I wasn't around, yadda yadda yadda..).
I plan to show it to fh later tonight when we're alone and things are calm. Hopefully we can get him to do something about his bad attitude since he seems to be a large portion of the problem. The three of us get along just great and we don't have the kinds of issues that happen when fh is involved...when he's around, the boys act stupid and everything kind of goes to hell, and he bitches about them but doesn't parent fairly and consistently. Hopefully we'll get somewhere on that front, and this has given me the boost I needed to hang in there and keep going.
It's kind of ironic with how often s.m's have issues with their skids, that in this case it's the skid saving the relationship...

kaffonseca's picture

For a 13yr old boy to write that..that just pulls at the heartstrings. that is THE best gift!! If I were you I'd photocopy it and lamenate it to hold with me FOREVER

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"