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Closed a chapter in my life today...

Last-Wife's picture

... you and my husband are the only ones that know, because I didn't want anyone to talk me out of it, but I went to the gynecologist today, and had the Essure procedure done. In 12 weeks time, my female parts will be effectively shut down, and no longer capable of baby making.

In another life, I would have had a second child 5 years ago, as my bio-son, Gibby will be 9 in a week.

In this life, I became a mom the day I said "I do."

I has lucky to meet and fall in love with such a wonderful man, who allowed me to love his kids. And after being told I wasn't able to have kids of my own due to polycycstic ovarian syndrome, I really threw myself into my parent role. I was even happier when I found out the flu that wouldn't go away was morning sickness, and we welcomed Gibby into our family, making everything complete.

Sure, if God had come down from the sky, and could have gauranteed me a baby girl, I would have done it in a heartbeat. But my body just wasn't really capable of making and keeping another one in me to grow.

Of course Loghead was fearful of "snip snip" and I became tired of wasting money on birth control simply to "clean out" every few months. I kept my options open- I was always afraid of "what if." Like, what if something happened to Loghead and I married again and I wanted to try again with a new husband.

But I woke up about 3 months ago, and took stock of my life. I'm 36. I've raised 3 skids, and my "baby." I'm done. And I also realized, I wouldn't marry again. I like my life. I'm set in my ways. It's hard enough to get Loghead to "follow" direction. I sure as hell wouldn't want to train another one! LOL

No more babies for me. I spent the day snuggled with Loghead, looking at baby photos and laughing with old stories. As I get ready for bed, I'm happy with my choice.

And for the first time in a long time, it was a choice I made for ME.

Comments

mom2five's picture

((hugs)) I had a hysterectomy five years ago. I could give you fifty reasons why it was the right decision. But it was still really hard for me.

I still get that familiar pang when I see a pregnant women or a baby. But like you, I've entered a new season in life. And I'm looking forward to spoiling some grandkids someday!

frustratedinMA's picture

Wow.. I cant tell you how this post has come at a hard time for me. I am currently pregnant w/my second.. I am 37, and they asked me today if I wanted my tubes tied when they do the Csection. I was unsure, as I am told it is permenant..

So, tonight, I was discussing it w/my dh, and for him its an open and shut case, he thinks it should be done.. and I am just unsure, what if I have regrets after.. what if I want more.. he told me that two is enough (esp given that he already has 2 others) and that I am almost 40, and we have lucked out that our son is healthy and so far this baby is on track to be healthy, and why would we risk a 3rd baby's health..

I am worried I might have regrets.. and only have 2.5 mths to come to a decision.. W/my hormones the way they are.. how can I ever do that by then???

I wish I had your courage and insight.

Most Evil's picture

Oh I am sorry honey but also excited for you - I hate worrying about birth control. But I would freak out having my first baby at 46!

I am glad you are deciding for you, and mourning is natural, but it will come with a new freedom too! HUGS

warrior19's picture

I had previously had my tubes tied but then had an ablation over a year ago due to a polyp...so they did the Essure procedue. I have been so pleased with very minimal periods and no cramps and such. In the long haul, I think you will be happy with your decision. I am 46 and as it is bittersweet to get older, it is also great in a lot of ways! Plus, not worrying about birth control ROCKS!!!
Best to you!

oneoffour's picture

I had my tubes tied after #4 when i was 30. I was married to H#1 at the time and he wouldn't do the snip thing (hence #4)and I was sick of being on BC. It was a sensible decision and one that was logical. There is no way we could have supported more children.

Fast forward 8 yrs and he was walking out the door. I was 38 and on my own.

Then I met DH and married at 43. We discussed children and accepted that we were REALLY too old.... he was 48. We wanted to enjoy our time together and being a mother to a hypothetical teen when I was nearing 60 was not my idea of fun.

A couple of years later and a full hysterectomy and it was a complete done deal. And for those of you who think the ligation is final, I have a friend in NZ who had a baby at 49 .... 10 yrs after the surgery. Helluva surprise for her and her husband. She was convinced it was menopause or cancer.

Yet still, I wonder what kind of child DH and I would have had.
You do wonder but you know you have done the right thing. Just be prepared for those 'what if' feelings and then smile and get on with your day.

In our case we have 2 dogs and 2 cats instead.

bearcub25's picture

I had one 3.5 years ago. And even though I was a grandma and in my mid 40's, it was still hard. But I made my choice and went thru it with a positive outlook. It was the best thing I had ever done. It hurts, but being positive and working with your pain and not fighting it, made my recovery very quick and easy.

jojo68's picture

I had my tubes tied when I had my son c-section...Sometimes I regret it sometimes I don't. I think I am going through some mid-life crisis or something because I have baby fever bad sometimes. I do think about what a child that BF and I made would be like. It is bittersweet sometimes but in the long run....I made the right decision.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

JoJo- I just literally went through the same feelings. I did become pregnant again, after 19 years :O but lost the baby at 6 weeks-LMP.

I have the "baby fever" out of my system now. I am glad that I did have the one that I had. Now, on to having a "life" again while still fairly young. Looking back now at the mess I am in with DH and the dramas, there would be no way to bring a baby happily into this mess. Maybe someone knew better? I'll never know.

DoingItAgain's picture

Been there done that... just last year... the day before, I went into a complete panic... what if something happens to my one and only child? Of course DH didn't want any more kids, he's got 2. I posted on here for that last ditch advice... someone reminded me that I would be 60 when that child graduates from high school if I had one then. Yikes! That was enough to make me feel more comfortable with my decision. But, even though I knew it was the right decision, I was still extremely sad that I no longer had that choice. Emotionally, the decsion was difficult and DH didn't understand even though we agree to no kids.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Curious.

Did anyone here become pregnant over age 35 while on the pill? Has anyone else here gone through a vasectomy with a SO? B/C was not strong enough for me and I tried to warn the idiot that prescribed me low dose B/C ( quote: "At (your) age you need minimal dose.") that all I had to do was look at sperm and get pregnant. (even at "my" age in our family history)

Eldest BM on maternal side was 49 years old, that being almost 100 years ago too.

ThatGirl's picture

Congratulations! I had a tubal about 4 years ago. Even though I already had two sons, it was a difficult decision. But I was 38, my sons were grown, I'd been divorced for a number of years, and recently separated from a live-in BF. He was much younger and wanted us to have children, which just didn't seem feasible since I was the one with a career.

Once the procedure was done, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I used to tear up anytime I was near a pregnant woman or baby, because I wanted more so badly. After the TL, that just disappeared! Knowing pregnancy was no longer a possibility completely eliminated that yearning. It's wonderful Smile

ddakan's picture

Peace of mind is so important. To have your mind calm and quiet, knowing you have done your best and accepted the rest is so comfortable and relaxing.

I have 4 bios and 4 skids. I lost my mind a couple of times, but with age, everything is turning out okay. Not every kid is perfect, but they are still all mine and I love them. Maybe the difficult ones got me as a step mom because I love tenaciously and endlessly. Maybe I got them to test my faith.

I'm not always as mean and evil as most posts sound. This thing with you touched my heart. I'm so glad you can rest and have peace and know it's all going to be okay.