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Feeling crappy

Ladystark's picture

I made it through the whole weekend without arguing. I stayed far away from ss spend the night. The only time i said anything "parenty" was at 12:30am, dh was snoring but the kid he invited over was just talking and talking and they were banging ss bunkbed against the wall. So i shut that down. That was it though.

Well my good vibes ended yesterday...

Dh came home with this tude. I was making dinner i had baby girl trapped watching tv(using oil, i hate her in the kitchen while im frying she is so darn curious) he comes in barely says anything to me. Gets a bucket and gloves and cleans the one bathroom that him and ss use. I ignore it, i dont say anything because one less thing i have todo the next day, but it does get under my skin. I had to grocery shop yesterday and i was washing HIS work clothes. If he had just asked me i was going to work on the bathrooms today. Must be nice to not have to worry about a 3 yearold trying to help you clean. I know he wanted to say something about getting off work and cleaning-aww poor dh- but why do it? Why only clean one bathroom?

Well after dinner MIL stops by.

She stays till about 8pm. So before she leaves ss has babygirl chasing him. Im in the kitchen dh and MIL are at table watching ss let babygirl follow her into his room. No prob. Mil leaves. I get done dishes, dh is on an app on his phone. We talk about nothing important. Dh yells up to ss is she ok? Ss yells back yup putting on mickey mouse. Ok in my brain ill give her a few more minutes then go grab her- she is fine. (Im telling myself)

Dh starts talking about work. After about 5minutes i hear baby girl kind of make her scared noise/whiny noise. As im walking to the steps looking into ss room
I see ss room is black! Ss is kind of by the door with his cellphone.

I yell "why are your lights off?"

Him mubbly "uh well i want her out of my room, i need to use the bathroom, she keeps trying to climb my ladder."

Me pissed "so you turn your lights off to scare your 3 year old sister?? She is climbing your bunk ladder in the dark? You did not think to say hey guys can you get her? Or carry her out of the room?"

He turned the t.v. off and when that didnt work he turned the lights off on her, and yes he was trying to scare her out!! He has shit all over his floor, so yes lets let a scared 3 year old try to make her way out of your room without tripping!! Oh lets turn the lights out while she is mid climb on the bunk ladder, yeah thats smart!!!

He does it to my son, only a matter of time before he did it to her! Like your father just asked if she is ok...you could have said something then. I was trying not to be a worry freak, because i over react, but i knew he was going to do that... i knew it...thats why i keep my kids out of his room. He is a butthole.

Dh was right there saw the whole mess. So when i came down i said low to him "you need to talk to him about doing that, its not ok."

Well instead of a "i will" "i know" he is still in defend ss till i die mode. He goes "I know you want to argue, im not arguing with you, I will not argue tonight."

WHAT?!!!

How am i arguing? I want ss13 to understand that what he did was not safe-he is not listening to me about it. Hello he does this to my son! This is not the first time he tries to scare kids out of his room!!

Whatever im pissed. I start getting baby girl ready for bed, knowing i cannot let my guard down. My kids are not allowed in his room. They can kiss my worry wort butt.

So everyone is settled, im irritated. My brain is just going through angry thoughts. Mostly more times dh lets me down.

Then dh is like "so are YOU going to be Miserable the rest of the night? Can we put it behind us?"

WHAT? NO... i cannot put it behind me.

Him "i dont get why you want to live your life arguing and miserable all the time, i will talk to him, but i mean he played with her for like an hour-"

Me"oh i gotcha so that makes it ok? Hey you played with her for an hour so its ok to be mean after the hours up, ill remember that for nexttime." (And hello she was playing with MIL, while ss tried get mils attention, so it not like ss was byhimself watching babygirl)

Him "no its not ok, but you like to end everything in an argument...you just want to argue."

It gets muddled after this because im so angry, he keeps "slightly trying to make it right with throwing insults at me", the i repeat every mean thing he says so he can hear what he is saying to me!

I mean by the end of it he is telling me im a stupid over reactor, who is miserable and loves to argue...and im hard on his son, i do not let anything slide... he loves me, he signed up to deal with me.
Oh and the big one if he told me about my son we would not be married. (I guess i cannot handle when he tells me about my son?!)

Ugh hello! This has nothing to do with my kid, at this moment. All i wanted was a little backup!!! Im so down because it will never happen, and he is trying so hard to make me feel its ME!!

I would not let him. I did not let him go off topic. Then he got meaner as i kept repeating the rude things he was saying back to him. (I read that on a website, to not add to the hate, but just repeat the hurtful things they are saying)

Finally we just ended it we are both tired. Its not being resolved, everytime he tried to act like he was getting it he would keep talking and make it clear he still did not think it was a big deal.

Or made it seem that I should be apologizing?? Im sorry i called your kid out on scaring kids out of his room??

I just feel like the end is near. I wont back down. Im tired of brushing stuff under the rug. Im over the tiptoeing.

Comments

Ladystark's picture

Ive been telling him. He started doing this when he was about 9 and my son was 4. Ive talked to him. Ive yelled at him.

I keep my kids out of his room and ive told my son he is not allowed in there anymore.

So years of me saying -do not do that to my son- i guess it is out the window for ss13 because the 3yearold is a different kid.

We were right there... he could have popped out and said something, no reason to turn his lights off.

Ladystark's picture

Yes it was a dig at me, mil was a surprise visit, and she uses the small guest bathroom downstairs if she comes over.

Ok so ss13 can be child like and turn off lights make his room pitch black and not communicate, but a 3 year old should be grown and understand that means get out??

So confused

Ladystark's picture

I would have rather him just asked me. Instead i have to have him near me opening and slamming cabinets looking for a bucket and rubber gloves, stomping up the stairs, slamming the bathroom door, banging the bucket around in the bathroom...slamming the toliet lid up and down, slamming the bathroom door. Stomping down the steps, brings the dirty bucket to me then takes it to go dump it in the utilty sink.

So dramatic.

uofarkchick's picture

Um, where is this magical place of the over population of men? I may need to book a flight.

uofarkchick's picture

I need to find the Island of Misfit 35 year old Sterile Men. Think its near the Misfit Toys?

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

GOING down a bunk bed ladder at 3 in the dark is dangerous. Very dangerous. I've taken very bad, bad 911 calls where kids have fallen off bunk bed laddders. I've taken so many that as a mom of a 2 year old whose 7 year old has a bunk bed, I can tell you that our bunk bed currently has no ladder on it so that she can not climb it or fall from it right now.

Ladystark's picture

Sorry south, i would defend him too if this was the First or second time...but he has had to many times where i told him not to do this. He is not starting this on our 3 year old. I did not let her follow him in. Dh was right there. If i was alone she never would have made it in his room. Fact.

He did not "tattle" on her because he turned the lights out to scare her out!! I dont know why he did not say anything first! That is why im mad.

Ladystark's picture

I let her try to cook with me, except with OIL, i do not like cooking with oil, so No i do not let her back in till im done with the oil, lots of accidents can happen with kids and oil or grease, at any age.

Ladystark's picture

I was trying something new, usuallyat the end of the argument. I feel guilty. I feel like i hurt him. Well not this time. I do not feel guilty at all. I just feel sad and let down.

Acratopotes's picture

you do not apologize Starkie - you did nothing wrong dammit....

DH was an idiot mopping about the bathroom - you don't use it why should you clean it. Over and done with, either DH cleans the bathroom or SS cleans it...

As from today onwards, make it very clear to SS that your children are not allowed into his room anymore, he has to keep his door shut at all times, and if they try to get in he must call you, you simply take your kids away.

Ladystark's picture

I told him i thought ss should start cleaning off the sink. He is old enough to wipe ot down after he brushes his teeth, i have lysol wipes under the sink. Its not hard. Dh will not tell him or make him.

So i do it on my time.

Acratopotes's picture

no - stop cleaning DH and SS bathroom....

it's the only way you will get DH to tell SS to clean it... seriously you are to busy to get to that...

or simply tell DH you will no longer be maid to him and SS, they will do their own laundry and keep their own bathroom clean, you are done.