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Stepdaughter is entrenched

Jh763's picture


Things have been good all round with my girlfriend and her two daughters. They are 13 and 17 and I have been in their lifes for 7 years. My eldest stepdaughter has trust issues as her Birth Father told her black was white growing up. He would wind her up for his own fun. He never spent any time with his daughters. One year into our relationship he started telling lies and spreading propaganda about myself and my girlfriend. He filled the Eldest stepdaughters head with crap about me. I have always tried to get along with him but come up against nastiness and trickery. My Eldest stepdaughter is convinced I psychologically bully her and tells her Mum that. Last night we went to the cinema. Myself, my girlfriend and her youngest daughter. The Eldest was out and phoned when we got to the cinema to say that she had forgotten her key. She does this all the time. So we said we were out and to try her Aunties house. She decided to meet her boyfriend instead and then walk back to the house and asked a neighbour to lend her a ladder. She climbed our flat roof which she has been told not to do and climbed through her bedroom window. She then told Mum that she had got in. Mum asked how? Why what is it to you etc etc. Mum was fuming. I was cross too. When we got home my girlfriend called her down which took ages and then read her the riot act. I overheard the Eldest saying what is the problem and just being generally rude. I then told her it is my flat roof too and not on. Then of course she went mad swearing at me and calling names I wouldn't hear off anyone else. My girlfriend was fuming as she had asked me not to get involved and then stayed out. The Eldest said I was gloating and enjoyed the argument saying I was smirking at her so her boyfriend could hear and trying to get him to come down. When she went back upstairs her boyfriend said why did you swear at him. My girlfriend and her Eldest are now not talking to me. The Eldest has been messaging propaganda about me saying she has had years of physcological bullying from me. I feel stressed today and helpless. I try to be a support to the Eldest but she is sceptical of me. My girlfriend then gets stressed with me and argumentitve. A good example was 5 days ago.I leave my clothes in the living room at night for the morning so I don't disturb my girlfriend. My eldest got up the same time as me and had left her phone on my clothes. It was dark so I picked the clothes up to get changed in the back room for privacy and didn't see the phone. Then the Eldest was getting stressy about losing her phone. I said I don't know where to is. I was half asleep and had to leave for work. She then found her phone in the back room I got dressed in. She then walked down the hill and realised the cashpoint wasn't working and had to go home to ask Mum for money for the bus. She went ballistic at her that I had made her late and hid her phone. Why would I do that? I don't understand why she accuses me of the stuff her father did to her. The more I try to help the worse it gets. I don't know what to do. I feel like I live in a house were I have to justify my actions and I'm treading on eggshells.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Sounds like hell.

Part of the problem is your gf. No way in hell does she have a leg to stand on telling you you aren't to have a voice in what happens to your house, your roofing, your insurance, etc.

If you think you can work out a different way of relating with your girlfriend, please do.

But you could make a good case that that time has past. That girl is making ugly accusations about you. Why on earth would she leave her phone on your clothes? It's like she's trolling for you.

You would be well within your rights to say, babe, we had a good run now bye. Move outta my house.

The in between road would be to have her move out but do not breakup. Then you never see the little monsters. We have a number of members who live like that.

But make no mistake you are in hell right now. Do something!

NJdevil's picture

I agree with Chief. Why would you choose to live your life like that? Are you telling yourself lies -- like things will get better once you are married? Or things will get better when the kids are older? You need to ask yourself why you are willing to settle for such a hellish life. You sound like a kind and caring person. You deserve better.