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Always ignored

Journey0601's picture

so after our recent fight, DH is back to Mr. Perfecf and BM said we can get SD early on December 30th for my brother’s rehearsal dinner.  We did Christmas pics Friday night and yesterday DH drove SD to a birthday party and picked up his mom, DH the two littles, MIL and I went to a parade...and then last night DH drove me to my friends and picked me up after so I could have a few drinks... he also cooked breakfast and lunch AND did the dishes.... when he wants to be great he is... it’s when he is being an ass I have such a hard time... so today he made plans to take SD to a movie alone and then MIL ended up going and then he was going to watch football at a bar... SD was staying with MIL.i took the little’s to a movie and then my son to a birthday party... I kind of of like the separation and noto listening to SD and BS fight...

I told DH a movie I thought they would like and he said not to tell SD, because if it was what I thought they would enjoy? She would not watch it lol! Of course she picked the movie I thought... I knew she would...

SD smells bad and it is super frustrating when she will not shower.... and she never brushes her teeth... I have asked DH to speak with her so many times and he sort of does... but this morning we went to church for the day and her hair was sooo greasy and unbrushed...she smelled...I am especially bothered when she takes a sip of my water bottle with unbrushed teeth or cuddles up in my blanket... the two little kids bathe every day... i assume she hasn’t since Wednesday...I ask her nicely to bathe whenever the young one’s do and she ignores me.... I hope she sat super close to DH at the movies today... 











Survivingstephell's picture

If she wants a bite or drink from your food, ask her if she brushed, if she didn't then nope.  Germs get passed that way and its  YOUR BOUNDARY TO ENFORCE.  You have to outwit these two.  Dad and SD.  If she wants to go somewhere with you, she bathes or she doens't go or the event gets skipped, or left with daddy dearest.  

You can disengage and keep your standards.  You just don't participate when she smells and looks like a hobo.  Your little ones will notice when they get older.  What then???  

tog redux's picture

Yes, agreed. Disengaging doesn't mean you have to put up with smelly skids eating your food or laying on your blanket. You can put a stop to those, or decide not to take her somewhere because she smells bad.  You just don't bother trying to make her bathe if she ignores you.


Journey0601's picture

Asked her if she brushed her teeth when she wanted a sip of my water... this was in the summer... she then brushed,  but hasn’t since when she is with us...So when I say she doesn’t brush? I am not exaggerating..she will be with us for 4 days in a row and not touch her toothbrush... DH and I got in a debate about it recently and he was like, how do you know she hasn’t brushed?  I know she hasn’t.. her brush isn’t touched and her breath is horrible...when we were on a cruise in the summer and sharing a small cabin she reeked like BO and we told her to shower, she refused... I told her that she smelled bad and it wasn’t fair to the rest of us to have to smell it... I then told DH to deal with the situation and I would take the littles to lunch... she ended up showering... I explained how important hygiene is and that we all

smell if we don’t bathe..... her and DH are not home yet, but I just saw in the bathroom there is a pantie liner very visable.... covered in brown discharge and probably poop... I gagged when I saw it.... but I also made sure that it is still very visible for dH to see... yesterday him and I had the hygeine talk and I told him that once a female has fluid coming out of their vagina, they need to bathe every day... he was all upset and grossed out and didn’t want to think that happens to his baby girl.... well I hope he sees her nasty pant liner and I will ask him to explain to her that she needs to hide that stuff in a tissue...

I will say something to her the next time she is all wrapped in my blanket... DH knows her hygiene is repulsive... but it’s like she doesn’t listen... she is a cute girl and the boys like her.. but I know someone will say she smells soon enough 

TrueNorth77's picture

I haaaate bad hygiene! We make SD shower at least every other day, and even then she usually smells and has super greasy hair by that time. She uses my blanket too and it makes me cringe when she has it and I can smell her. The other day SS was vacuuming and vacuumed up a pair of her underwear that were laying on the floor. He said, Step-girlfriend, they’re all brown! And they were. The entire butt of them was stained brown from not wiping well. Disgusting. I told my SO and let him handle it. 

Journey0601's picture

the dirty panties happen all the time with SD too!! It’s disgusting! She does not know how to wipe her butt! And she is 11! I have thrown out so many underwear... I won’t clean her shit panties or her period panties... I was seriously embarrassed with how she looked at church this morning... the littles were clean and dressed cute with their hair brushes and she was so greasy with unbrushed hair, dressed like a slob... she has nice clothes....I also feel like ppl will look and know she isn’t mine (her mom is very dark and I am very Caucasian...) and think I don’t take care of her properly... like she is the neglected step daughter or something.... when in reality I try to get her to bathe and dress nice... but am ignored..

TrueNorth77's picture

Ok, my SD is 9, so I feel like mayyybe she can be cut a little slack since it's still pretty young, and I'm hoping we can teach her. But 11??? Even SS12 said, There is no reason her underwear should be brown, that is a pretty serious issue! lol. He was just saying it because he knew that's what I was going to say (I had made a comment about how it is seriously gross and not ok, and he kind of piggybacked off it)....but I don't even care, at least he is thinking that way. God I hope by 11 SD has it figured out.

I'm curious, you mentioned that these convos happen with your DH about SD's hygiene, and how she hasn't brushed her teeth in days- what does he DO about it? Is he around either in the morning or at night when she is with you? He should be telling her daily, brush your teeth, and making sure she does it while he is there. He isn't doing anyone any favors, especially her, when he just ignores it.

I actually had the same "debate" with my SO about skids brushing, because they weren't. SS especially. My SO said, SS brushes every morning. I said, why do you think that? He said because every morning he asks SS if he brushed, and SS said he did. I said, ha, and you think he's telling you the truth?? I actually pointed out how his toothbrush was dry, and SD's was wet. My SO tried to say that SS's had probably just dried since then. Oh really? SD's didn't dry, but SS's did? What magic is that? I tried to explain science to my SO, but he was in defensive land and not hearing any of it. Since then, it has improved, and both SD and SS brush daily (wknds are harder, but not my circus, not my monkeys, so I don't say a peep) during the week. I'm like you though, I don't want to be seen with little hobos that people may mistake for mine. If they're with me, they're going to look decent and not smell like a dead person.