Poor little Cinderella
DH and I took a parenting class a couple years ago where it was suggested to have kids do daily chores (about 10 min worth) to help them feel like they are part of the household and feel like they are contributing, or something along those lines. So we've done that for a couple years now. Right now SD is only home after school when chores are done 2 days out of the week that we have her (so 4 or 5 days a month total) because she goes to a special class for kids behind in math the other days. So the majority of the time she has to do nothing at all at our house where she lives half the time.
Yesterday SD wrote a whiny note to just me (even though this is not just my rule) in her planner (so her teacher can see it when she signs off on it I'm sure) about not doing chores after school because they "stress her out." Yeah, having to vacuum a room or wipe off the counters 4 days a month is just killer. I guess I'm a real life Evil Stepmom and she's just a real life Cinderella.
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I might have her do tasks
I might have her do tasks that are more "pitch in for the family" things vs cleaning the home chores necessarily.
I think that asking her to set the table for dinner. Help make a salad for dinner.. clear the table at the end of the meal are the kinds of "help" that feel inclusive to the family unit.
For the other chores.. typically we did things like that at the same time my mom was doing cleaning chores too... so she might be cleaning the bathroom and she would send us around the house to empty wastebaskets.. or vacuum the living room. It felt less like being put to work on our own.. and doing it as part of a collective effort.
The second part is almost
The second part is almost always what it is - like I said, wiping a counter down or vacuuming a room - ODS and I are usually doing something else in that room at the same time- and even if it wasn't it's hardly anything. In DHs words "it's just not what she wants to be doing." It's not "stressful" at almost 9 to have to a simple chore an average of once a week.
Her dad really needs to keep
Her dad really needs to keep instilling in her that sometimes we DO need to do things we don't want to. There is work in every home that "no one" wants to do... if everyone does a little bit of it.. it gets done and we all move on to the things we WANT to do.
I hope he is backing you up on this and explaining to her that she does these things because she is part of this household/community.
He does back me up on this
He does back me up on this one, thankfully. Her teachers have told him similar things regarding her behavior/refusal to cooperate the first time shes told something, or passive aggressively trying to be in control, etc, so he knows it's not just me being mean or hating his kid or whatever.
That's a blessing for sure.
That's a blessing for sure. I will say that I was lucky in that both of my SD's were always expected to pitch in.. whatever we were doing. We literally have had the girls help us unload tons of rock.. I think they were 7 and 11 when we bought some property and were putting in a road. the dump truck got stuck putting in some big rock for a road base.. and my DH dumped it in a pile and made us all spread it out by hand. Literal chaingang work that was...lol.
If they ever whined.. he would just tell them to stop being LAZY.. lol. They didn't always love it.. but they always did what we asked..
Haha! A couple of chores
Haha! A couple of chores stress her out? Whatever will she do when she has to pay bills and run a household?
I know. I've never thought
I know. I've never thought she would be one of the "failure to launch" skids because I think shes going to want to be on her own with no oversight asap. But at the same time itll probably be exactly the same as BM where shes constantly finding people here and there to take care if everything for her because her life is sooo hard. I wish I could post screenshots of some of the whiny poor me BS shes sent.
10 minutes?! Damn, that's
10 minutes?! Damn, that's changed a lot since I was a kid.
Yeah I have no idea what the
Yeah I have no idea what the average is I guess. I was actually parented in a BM -esque way with no chores and no rules and I feel like i would have been much better prepared for life if I had had both.
SD may have written it in her
SD may have written it in her planner for her teacher to see, but I doubt that it will have the reaction she desires. The teacher will most likely think that SD is acting at home the way she does in class. Most likely SD has been whining about assignments too. Whining won't get SD less assignments and it shouldn't lessen what she does in the household either.
I think she needs double
I think she needs double chores to put life into perspective.
If CPS
gets ahold of that note...Pwincess will exaggerate and the BM, if in the picture but especially a CP BM, will practically have a SWAT team on your roof.
This is what happened to us when the skids whined that we had them empty small bedroom sized waste paper baskets and pick up twigs in the back yard for 20 minutes.
Of course the Girhippo WAS a CPS worker at the time so she used her clout to run it up the flagpole. The phony report literally had "age inappropriate work duties" listed on it.
BM here is unusual - shes the
BM here is unusual - shes the one who's absolutely adamant about never going to court. She even gave up child support because she didnt want the state involved. And she absolutely is not going to give up her week free of responsibility. MIL is the one I could see doing that, especially since she likes to dig for ways to "save" her. Asking if people are being nice to her, etc
I wonder why she is so
I wonder why she is so adamant about not going to court. That is the extreme opposite of the BMs on here. Like maybe she is worried that paternity might get brought up?!?! Hmmmmm.....
That's always been my thought
That's always been my thought also. Why didnt she want paternity done through CS and why were the results only sent to her of the private test they had done?
Yeah, seems like she is
Yeah, seems like she is covering up something....Most BMs want that CS! LOL