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MIL predicts one of my big fears

Jcksjj's picture

So my 30 year old SIL is a mess and keeps borrowing 1000s of dollars from MIL and FIL. MIL keeps calling DH and crying to him about all of his sisters drama and how she isnt going to have any retirement money left etc and he basically tells her well stop giving it to her then. Well we went out to eat with MIL and FIL this weekend and the topic most of the time was SIL and her drama. At one point MIL says well I hope it ends soon because I'd like to have a life also. And then goes I know (DH) would say I can now but he will see someday how hard it is.

No, no he wont. If SD acts like that at 30 we wont be bailing her out constantly while she continues to make the same poor decisions and blame everyone else. End of story.


Siemprematahari's picture

I feel for your MIL & FIL but if this is an issue than they need to stop giving her money and stop complaining. No one has control over this but them and if I were your H I'd tell them not to discuss it with him anymore. It's heartbreaking to see parents go through this.....SIL doesn't care for one second that her parents may not be able to support themselves for retirement and they would be delusional to think she will help them in the future.

I hope they snap out of it soon.

Jcksjj's picture

No she really doesnt care. And while I feel for them to an extent also it also seems that to an extent MIL has trained her kids to remain dependent on her so she feels needed. She said she has absolutely no idea where the money is going or being spent because SIL has a decent income herself. I personally would be more willing to help with setting up a budget then just handing out money blindly.

Harry's picture

That MIL and FIL will run out of money and want to move in with you. And still be giving any money they have to SIL .   You will be getting the circus 

Jcksjj's picture

That is part of it actually. I already told DH that...they're giving SIL tons of money and then guess who they are going to turn to when they dont have anything? Him. Other SIL is well off but she lives across the country and isn't under MILs control as much since she was raised by her dad 

strugglingSM's picture

My MIL is not in exactly the same plight, but I feel like she might SIL is nearing 40, but has always maintained a life as a "starving artist", so MIL covers a lot of her expenses. Shortly after I met DH he told me that his sister told his family that all artists in NYC are funded by their families...I replied, "only the rich ones are." DH also tried to tell me that MIL "had to" pay BIL's law school tuition. I replied, "she didn't have to...she chose to..." I think she is also paying some student loans for SIL - who in addition to being a starving artist, is also a perpetual student, because MIL (well into her 70s) is still paying off someone's student loans and BIL completed law school over 20 years ago.

I've already told DH that I'm not interested in paying for things for SSs. If he wants to pay, that's fine, but he better start a savings account for that, after he's paid for all of our joint expenses and any extras he wants. It's not my fault that BM spent the $60K from DH's grandmother that DH wanted to use to pay for college for his kids. It's also not my fault that DH and BM had no other savings set aside for their children. I think BM is hoping her parents die off before she has to pay for anything, because her parents act as if they are wealthy (I think they are actually less wealthy than they act) and she assumes she will be reaping a big windfall upon their death. 


Jcksjj's picture

Yep SIL has student loans that were apparently cosigned by the inlaws and she has just quit paying on them twice now. 

I definitely will not be paying for any of SDs stuff myself and my own kids it would not just be handed out freely...if they are generally responsible and they need a hand up at some point I will do what I can. I just hope DHs view when it comes to his parents and sister is the same way he views it if SD is like that because he tends to be guilt tripped easily by her and make excuses like his parent does. According to his parents SILs troubles are all her ex husband and her roommates faults.