Jcksjj's last post about her insane in laws gave me a revelation about mine.
My in laws are all quick to say DH is a bad dad because he doesn't see SD or them much and that I'm controlling him. The reality is SD is spoiled and PASed by BM and my in laws are always drama.
My in laws will dogpile on DH to tell him what he's doing wrong and what they think he should be doing, of course they don't have the full story and think he's neglecting SD. One of my SILs favorite things to get at DH is to tell him "You're just like FIL."
Wait a second... FIL is the cherished patriach of the family who has done far worse things than DH ever has, but he's beloved and DH is vilified. FIL is a huge cheat and has been married 3 or 4 times and has 5 kids by 3 different women, 2 that are only months apart. Honestly there are probably kids that we don't know about. My MIL was the long term other woman and FIL left her to go back to his 2nd wife while DH was a baby. Then He came back and had my 2 most annoying SILs.
FIL and MIL are in their 60s and MIL still freaks out about him cheating on her. His first wife PASed his oldest and FIL never talks to her or sees her (sound familiar?) Of course the in laws think that's because his oldest and her mom are just B#tches (familiar again!). She isn't close with the other kids but plays a friendly game, usually she just wants to compare what FIL is doing with/for them. They are all dysfunctional AF but they talk about all the stuff like it's completely normal.
DH and I have a pretty peaceful and successful life so they band together to attack us and bring us down to their level.
I think they jump on DH because it gives them a chance to project all their issues with FIL and say what they wish they could say to him. Maybe they're just assuming he will become like FILand splitting with BM was the first step on that so my SIL projects her daddy issues on DH.
And SD, well she just enjoys the attention.