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Do your bios know how you feel about skids?

Jcksjj's picture

So I know I've seen it asked if your spouse knows how you feel about skids, but I'm curious - those of you who have bio kids do they know at all how you feel about their step/half siblings?

Comments

nengooseus's picture

DD is 14.  She and I talk often about how challenging it is to have the skids in our lives.  She needs the validation from me that it's OK not to like them.

nengooseus's picture

To be honest, I don't know that there would be a lot of difference if they were 1/2 sibs, though.  DD and I both adore DH and a large part of the problem is the on-going issues with HCBM, which would be the same if there were a genetic relationship.  (Skids are used for spying and threats, etc.) 

DD is fiercely loyal to the people she's attached to, so their tendency to constantly "betray" us with HCBM is hard for her to stomach.  And she absolutely loathes their tendency to seek attention, which is also tied to their mother and her issues.  My issues with the skids are more nuanced, but similar enough that DD and I are able to discuss.

Thumper's picture

Call it what you want but HIS kids and her prior kids do not make siblings. They are kids tossed together and told to be nice.

Now if this dd is both dh and her's, they are 1/2 siblings.

this was supposed to go under gooses post. sorry guys if your confused.

Siemprematahari's picture

I get along well with my H's 28 year old son. At one point in time I "thought" all was well with the 27 year old daughter, until a few years ago it all came to a head but to answer your question.....Yes my kids are well aware of how I feel about my Hs children. They respect it and support me in my decision.

As long as my sons know I'm good they don't even entertain my H's daughters nonsense.

Chmmy's picture

My kids dont live with us and never have. Im happy for that. I wouldnt put my kids in this situation with these monsters. I would'vehad to move out. They know a little but I don't tell them how bad it is. They see on their own what entitled assholes they are.  It speaks for itself. 

Gimlet's picture

My DD is an adult and we feel similarly about the skids.  I waited to move in with DH until she was well into college and part of that was knowing how much she would have hated living with them.

YSS is ok, he's lazy and clueless but he's not malicious.  I have no time for OSS and neither does DD.  They aren't "family" to each other at all and that's ok.

She and DH get along very well and he's said that she treats him better than his own kids and he's right.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

My OSS19 drives my kids crazy and they fight all the time but at the same time they are all protective of eachother when we are outside of the house. At this point both my bios and SS19 are disgusted by SS15. None of them care if they ever see him again. 

Kes's picture

Do my bios know how I feel about SD23 and SD24? you bet they do!  I spent literally a decade bending DD37's ear about their iniquities - she always gave me good, common sense counsel about matters to do with them.   DD37 and DD35 rarely meet the SDs - very occasionally at Xmas and once at DD37's house in the north of England when I was visiting her, and DH had taken the SDs to visit their grandmother who lives nearby.  I think my DDs view the SDs as an alien species - ie rather alarming, but fortunately they don't have to have much to do with them.  

shellpell's picture

My kids are too young to figure it out, but I assume they will know as they get older.

Jcksjj's picture

Same here, which is why I'm curious. I dont think theres anyway they wouldn't eventually pick up on it, even if I never said anything.

Missnyc's picture

mine too and I wonder if that makes DD thinks I’m a bad person once she finally understand....

advice.only2's picture

Yes and my bios don't like Spawn either. Spawn and her friends picked on my son and she has hurt my son physically in the past. BD was very young and looked up to Spawn and was sad when she moved out, but recently she has told us things that Spawn would to do her, and told us how she was mean to her when we weren't around. That alone is enough for me never to speak to her again.

momjeans's picture

Due to their ages (4 and almost 6), I don’t think so? 

They inevitably will one day, though, because kids are keenly aware.

notthemomyouseek's picture

Both my D's (12 and 19) are aware, as we discuss things between us on the rare occasion we have time without the skids. My 12-year-old is having the hardest time adjusting, so sometimes she needs to know that I struggle in order to feel that she's not alone. I don't go into the extent of how I feel, but they both are aware. 

theoldredhen's picture

Hey, Jcksjj,

My daughters were both in uni when I married my DH. When they visited, they were horrified by the laziness and immaturity of his teens. I constantly heard, “When we were their age, we cooked, cleaned, did the laundry and held down jobs!” Also, “If we’d ever have spoken to you like that, we’d have had all of our privileges taken away forever!”

My children were both respectful and very fond of their stepfather but frankly disliked his children. Because the skids showed themselves in such a bad light, compared to my bios, I’m sure that the dislike was mutual. 

After a year of abuse from my DH’s teen daughter (his son was a much nicer child, easy to love), I finally snapped and told him that she was a cold-hearted, ungrateful brat of whom he should be deeply ashamed. She was sent to live with her mother for many months, an event that nearly destroyed our marriage. So yes, neither my children nor my DH had any allusions about my feelings towards his child. 

Both skids and I are now good friends (SS and I are very close), proving that time can resolve a lot of problems.

Evil3's picture

My DD19 knows that I believe that my SD30 (half siblings) is a full-blown narcissist. I’ve never said right out how much I loathe my SD, but I have mentioned personality traits in women that I can’t f*cking stand. My DD has been able to figure out that I’m referring to SD. I have told my DD that I totally support her very close relationship with her sister but to also be very careful. I said this when SD first started to get close to DD because I was scared to death of what SD would do to emotionally hurt DD. I felt I couldn’t not warn my DD. Even DH warned DD. I’v also told DD more than once to never ever ever ever ever get with a man who has kids. Based in those past conversations, DD is well aware of what I think of SD. 

Evil3's picture

They have not always been close. SD shunned DD right along with shunning me. DD doesn't remember the shunning of her, but remembers me being shunned. DD did take the warning and was careful.

Stepaside-1987's picture

Only one of mine knows - but my kids and myself are over trying the "blended family" stuff.  Mine don't care to have relationships with them anymore.  They tried to be nice and only received a cold shoulder.  So as far as I am concerned I don't care either.  I enjoy being with my children and grandchildren - I am kind and respectful when I am around DH's children but that is as far as it goes.  Does it hurt?  At times - yes it does but my heart is getting harder.