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How do your kids feel about their step siblings?

zerostepdrama's picture

I am curious- how do your kids (your bios) feel about their step siblings or half siblings if you have kids with your SO?

Do they like them?

Feel like they are family?

Do they feel differently about the skids then you do or is it the same? And Why?

Do you think you influence how your kids feel about the skids?

Is it important for all the kids to get along?

Comments

BSgoinon's picture

I love this question right now.

DH and I have been together 11 1/2 years. My kids are DD14, DD almost 13 and SS almost 13. They have been raised as siblings. They have all gone to the same schools. They have the same friends.

The other day my oldest daughter was sitting next to me and had her phone in her hand. She says "Those are my best friends" while pointing at her wallpaper on her phone. I looked over and it was a picture of the 3 of them from a few years ago. I literally got tears in my eyes. They love each other. And it is the best feeling in the world.

I have always told them that they need to be good to each other because some day they will be each others best friends. I didn't expect it to happen until they were adults. But I could not be more pleased about how they are together.

JezabelinHell's picture

This is such a good question. I ALWAYS say SS8 is your brother, never half brother or half sibling. With that being said, DS4 adores SS8 and worships him. SS8 plays with him sometimes, but is usually bossy and mean. SS usually acts like DS2 doesn't exist except to complain about him crying when he's watching tv. I think it's normal for my bios at their age to be naturally loving and trusting and DH said that when they get older and understand relationships more, they will be able to decide for themselves whether they want to have a relationship with him since he's a jerk most of the time. SS is an only child at BMs house and he goes to a small private school with only 3 kids in his class and she doesn't socialize him much as far as having friends over or anything. I think a lot of it is he just doesn't know HOW to be around other kids. It has been recommended by multiple therapists and doctors that SS do social training therapies, BM won't take him.

Teas83's picture

Right now, my DD3 likes SD8 (they are half siblings). She gets excited when she knows SD is coming and she likes playing with her. SD doesn't seem to care as much about DD as DD cares about her. This used to bother me but now I actually won't mind at all if the girls don't have a close relationship as they grow up. DD is about to get a new little sister who will be raised the same way she is being raised.

SD is obviously heavily influenced by BM because she lives with her full time and only sees us EOWE. BM is a complete moron and teaches SD some of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. GBM is also a strong influence on SD and she's even more useless than BM. I don't really want SD teaching DD the things that she learns from BM and GBM. They basically let SD do whatever she wants all the time, so rules are a foreign concept to her. Lately there have been some instances where she encourages DD to do things she shouldn't be doing and tells her not to ask me if she's allowed to do certain things.

WalkOnBy's picture

My kids don't really have a relationship with my skids.

I didn't start dating DH until my daughter graduated from high school, and by the time she met DH, she was already in college.

Thing1 and Thing2 lived with the skids for a year and a half once DH got custody, but they were juniors in high school and had their own lives.

My kids have seen and heard how the skids treat me, and since they don't like it, they aren't too chummy with them. My kids have a SM, whom they really like, and also have 3 half siblings, so they KNOW how a good kid/step parent relationship works Smile

zerostepdrama's picture

BS10 likes SS22. When SS comes over he is excited to see him. SS is pretty good with BS and plays with him.

BS is very weary of the girl skids. But I think some of how he feels is because of how I feel about them. But really, they are never really around and when they are around its usually some drama or something happening.

I think he sees the girl skids as outsiders because they aren't really around.

nengooseus's picture

We have a kind of unique situation in that DH and I have known each other's kids for their whole lives. I think I met SD 11 when she was 6 months old, and she and DD 10 have been like sisters for their whole lives. There are good and bad parts of that. They're complete opposites. They're in the same grade, but at different schools, completely different friends, completely different manners of being. They unquestionably love eachother, but they struggle with the dynamics that go along with being polar opposites with little in common.

DD really cannot stand SS almost 7. He's the pesky little brother she never wanted (she loves being an only), and he has been the source and cause of a great deal of hate & discontent in our house over the last couple of years. She recognizes that and doesn't like it at all, which really affects her feelings about him.

Countrymom's picture

My bios do not like SS6, which neither do I. He's mean and aggravating most of the time. BD12 has more of a tolerance for him I believe because of the age difference, she is better able to just ignore and walk away.

BD7 on the other hand expresses her dislike ALOT! They are very close in age, so he picks on her quite a bit. She is torn though because she likes to play and socialize so when he's there she tries to play with him, then he does something mean or to aggravate so they get in a fight, which happens quite a bit. She isn't able to just ignore or walk away as easily as my BD12.

I feel really bad for my BD7 and feel guilty sometimes for exposing her to SS6, but I also know how annoying my own brother was growing up, so I try to realize a lot of it is normal sibling rivalry. Although SS6 is way worse than my brother was, SS is mean on top of just being an annoying brother.

Despite all of this they still say he is their brother sometimes, and sometimes it's step brother, I'm guessing depending on how he treated them that day! (BD12 was 7, BD7 was 3 and SS6 was 2 when DH and I got together)

Salems Lot's picture

My kids were all in their early 20's when I met SO. SO's were a lot younger.

My kids find the skids annoying. They see skids as spoiled, entitled, unappreciative and disrespectful little brats. This is from their own observations.

My kids tolerate them and treat them well when they are together, like they would any other person, but that is it. They would rather visit when skids are not here.

CloudCuckooLand's picture

SD15 loathes BS3, totally ignores him, says mean things if she does engage, and recoils in mock disgust. She wished ill on him when I was pregnant so I don't trust her for one moment around him. At this point I know she wouldn't do physical harm to him, although I worried about this for a while and put measures in place to ensure she had no opportunity. Now, im watching her like a hawk so that she doesn't put him down or try to make him feel bad about himself. Thankfully BS has no interest in her, he gravitates towards people who interact with hiim. It's like she is just part of the furniture to him.

So, I do not encourage or facilitate a relationship between the two of them, it would not go well for either of them. It also wouldn't be good for my already fractured relationship with her to see her be horrid to a toddler.

Her jealousy and wanting to punish us all for having a child is what gets in the way of her having a relationship with BS. She seems consumed by both of these and refuses to talk about it. I have empathy for her pain but zero tolerance for the way she chooses to express it. Maybe when she grows up and matures she will want a relationship, but I doubt it. I see total estrangement from us all in the future. Meh. She doesn't like feel family and that is ok with me, it is what it is.

momjeans's picture

My bios, both toddlers, like SK in small, infrequent doses.

I'm not sure if they've made the connection that she's their half-sister, despite SK asking my 2.5 year old over and over if she knows that she is her sister and if she loves her.

I'm indifferent and disengaged. My bios are too young to grasp how I feel about SK.

I don't influence how my children feel about SK. That's for them to navigate on their own. I kind of feel it's important for them to get along and have healthy relationships, but again, that's something that will either organically happen or not. I won't let my relationship with SK taint theirs.

Lit'l Bit's picture

My SD 26 and BD 24 and BS 17 are half siblings. They have always know it and it doesn't matter. They call themselves Brother and sisters. The difference in treatment by DH has always been a problem. The kids have always known SD gets special treatment from DH. When they were little I never discussed it with them so I am sure if they thought it was normal. SD did not live with us until she was 18. So at BD16 and BS10 saw things right away. They would ask me stuff like how come Dad doesn't love me as much as he loves SD. It was really hard then and has not gotten much better since. I do not have a problem now voicing my opinions about SD to BD and BS. I feel it is more important for them to know that no child should feel less loved by their parent no matter how many kids or combo of kids are in the family. I always treated my SD fairly. If I bought my kids something she got something. If we went on vacation or to an amusement park SD was invited and I will go as far to say that if she was not available at the time we would change our plans to accommodate her. Now present day I could care less if SD wants anything or wants to go with me anywhere. She will not be invited. Most of the time I do not even talk to her. If she comes in the house and says HI and others are around I do not say anything. If I am the only one there I will say hi or acknowledge that she is there. I wont call her to dinner or otherwise talk with her. Currently I am not even talking with DH.

New_to_this's picture

BS is a toddler and he adores SD16. She, as well, absolutely loves her brother. SS12, on the other hand, does not. He is upset about BS's existence, and barely says anything to him. I'm ok with it though because I don't entirely trust SS and I'd rather he kept his distance from BS. We call them all brothers and sister, but, BS and SD are family to me, whereas, SS does not seem like it.

Bunny2's picture

I have seen all ways. My experience was that my SS was a bully. every time I visited my father, she was like, "You are a guest in my house." We semi-tolerated each other for a spell, but she made fun of me for being a virgin when she slept with so many guys, and was proud of that. 

 

My mom's stepsons were nice to me. I was nice to them. We get along just fine. My SF is my sons' Papa. No step there.  

My brother in law married a woman with a toddler, and he loves that kid (now 17).  Kid loves him too. They had a daughter together, and there is no "half" nonsense. They are just a family. Nephew is his son. 

And that's great to me. I wish all situations could be happy for everyone involved.