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My hormones are making everyone unbearable

JBDmom's picture

I’m only at 25 weeks at this point, but everyone and everything is getting to me. I’m either angry or upset all day long and I can tell it’s starting to effect both of my kids. I don’t have the energy or the will to sit and play with my 4 year old and my 1 year old is driving me crazy with needing to be on top of me constantly. I never get a break from either of them during the week because my BF is staying at his aunts house to work since he wrecked our car over a mont ago. Me and the kids only see him on weekends and since this has started my SD the 4 year old has been an absolute terror during the week. I know it’s just because I’m having trouble playing and giving attention when needed and also because she misses her dad, but her attitude and behavior is awful. She hits and pulls and yells at her little sister if she does anything. She’s recently started screaming at me when I don’t give her what she wants right away. Don’t get me wrong I find time through out the day to sit down and spend time with her it’s just not for as long as her dad does on the weekends. When he’s home he spends stupid amounts of money on toys and movies for her because he feels bad for not being here. She basically has had Christmas every weekend for the last month. He thinks I’m being mean or gets defensive if I say anything about the amount he spends and the amount of stuff he gets for her that she’ll only touch maybe twice. I don’t know if it’s because I’m pregnant or if it’s because I’m the only one parenting the kids but I’m frustrated and angry all the time. I’m really just venting because I have zero adult interaction during the week so I never get to relieve stress by talking to someone about it. 

Comments

Monkeysee's picture

Few things. Where’s the BM & why isn’t she taking her daughter at all?

I’m assuming the 1 year old is also your BF’s child? If so, why is he only spending time & money on SD? I’d be upset too if my DH came home & showered the skids with gifts while ignoring our bio child.

What is he doing to support you while you’re at home with both kids during the week? Buying SD gifts isn’t enough, he still needs to parent her & suport you in parenting her when he’s not there if this is going to work (again, where is BM?).

Being pregnant is really hard, much harder than I anticipated, and hormones really suck. So give yourself a break for not quite being yourself or as energetic as everyone wishes you were right now. Your BF should be supporting you in every way he can, not calling you mean bc you’re taking issue with the Christmas happening each weekend. 

JBDmom's picture

My SD daughters mom was doing drugs and basically prostituting herself and when we found out we kept my SD and cut off ties with her mom. She’s been out of her life almost 2 years and hasn’t tried to see her at all. The 1 year old is his, and as far as the attention goes my SD begs for it constantly while my 1 year old can’t really say anything yet. My BF I guess is just used to throwing all responsibilities on my when it comes to the kids so he doesn’t see why I’m having such a hard time controlling her during the week. Thank you seriously I couldn’t tell if I was being crazy about the gift giving or not.

Harry's picture

With his kids.??.  He can do that now !   He only a BF, this is a picture into your life.  BF dumping his kids on you and he’s playing at his aunts house.  Do three thing as fast as you can,  RUN,RUN,RUN.  It’s not going to get better 

JBDmom's picture

The 1 year old is my daughter from him so they’re both of our kids just the 4 year old is my SD sorry for the confusion.

twoviewpoints's picture

You need to sit that guy of your's down and lay out reality. 

After a talk this next coming weekend, you take yourself off somewhere and do some 'me' time (even if that only means taking a walk or sitting in a cafe having coffee). Let him take care of the kids. Both kids are his and he obviously thins taking care of kids by one's self is apiece of cake as he is about to have #3 delivered and he believes it should be easy peasy for you, right? 

Spend some time this week researching daycare/pre-school. If you need financial assistance you might find something that does by income/sliding scale. If you were working and/or going to school the state might help with child care , but as a SAHM perhaps not. You need to have two or three afternoons a week where SD4 can go and be with kids her own age, wear herself out and have a good time while hopefully learning skills too. 

This isn't optional. If your BF has "stupid"money for weekends he has some means of financing a bit of a structured home life for his GF and kids. Go to a resale baby shop and see about a used double stroller. It'll get you and kids out of the house and out among other people. 

What happening with you in the home and all alone could very well be going on even with SD4 there all week. Being young and trapped in the house surrounded by demanding whining kiddies isn't easy. Your BF needs to be left with all his little darlings on a regular basis. It's his duty as their father... stop being so nice about it. 

SteppedOut's picture

It has been a MONTH since he wrecked the car. Is it in a repair shop? If not, WHY? If he has money to shower gifts every weekend, he has money for the car to be repaired. 

IMHO, you being pregnant and having a 4 and 1 year old at home without a vehicle is UNACCEPTABLE. 

Not only does he need to get your only car fixed, but he also NEEDS to start setting funds aside for a second vehicle. 

Have you looked into part time work from home? Perhaps for a few hours a night when the kid are sleeping? Amazon frequently has positions like that available. Not only will that give you contact with the outside world, but also help save for a second vehicle.

futurobrillante99's picture

Honey, your hormones aren't making everyone unbearable. They ARE unbearable. Your hormones are merely removing your patience for BS. Celebrate your hormones opening your eyes to the douchebaggery.

((hugs))

Stand up for yourself. Try to get some help from friends. 4 years olds can be a-holes, especially when their daddy spoils them rotten. I would have a take-no-prisoners attitude and put little miss in her room to rage and tantrum all she wants to until she straightens up. And I would put away a BUNCH of her toys. Too many toys actually stresses kids out. Put them away or give them away so she isn't overwhelmed by her options.

Siemprematahari's picture

My BF I guess is just used to throwing all responsibilities on my when it comes to the kids so he doesn’t see why I’m having such a hard time controlling her during the week.

Don't blame your pregnancy or your hormones on this one. Your BF's ability to throwing ALL his responsibilities on you when it comes to the kids is what's affecting you. Of course he has no idea what you go through, he's not around during the week. He has a sweet deal if you ask me and its time he comes back home and handles his business as a father and a BF.

ybarra357's picture

Agreed^^.  This is not your hormones OP.

OP, if you want to change things, you are going to have to step up and take action.  Yes, it will be hard, but you cannot live like this. 

sunshinex's picture

Your boyfriend needs to consider the health and well-being of his family that he is abandoning all week. The health and well-being of the overall family starts with the person in charge - YOU. Why is all this money being spent on SD over the weekend when he's home? He has TWO children, not one - not to mention another on the way. Why waste money while you are pregnant? Most people do the opposite. 

Our whole household was aware that while I was pregnant, money was being saved, not wasted, because we were going to have less income while I was on maternity leave. Any extra funds were spent on things for the upcoming baby or savings to help us get through one person being off work when the baby was little. 

Back to my point about YOUR health and well-being, though. This is essential to the happiness of your kids because you're the one taking care of them. He needs to be focusing his efforts on helping YOU get extra rest/time for yourself when he's home on the weekends. Why is this not happening? Tell him that money going towards SD needs to start: 

  1. Being equally spent on BOTH kids or not spent at all because you are pregnant. My 18-month old would be pretty upset if toys were given to his older sister but never him. Your son is old enough to at least feel upset when new fun things are given to someone else all the time and not him. 
  2. Being put towards a spa day or something similar to help you get some much-needed relaxation time. You need time for yourself, desperately, because spending all week isolated in a house with children is really, really hard. 
  3. Being SAVED in an account for the upcoming baby that will cost you both a good amount of money lost in work wages/put towards diapers, wipes, etc. 

When I was a SAHM to my son (until he was 11 months old), my husband's time off was usually spent making my life easier/taking the kids while I took a break. When he was a SAHD (from 11 months til 18 months), the situation was the same for him. I even worked extra to save a few hundred dollars to send him on a boys weekend when I knew things were really rough for him. 

 

 

sunshinex's picture

May I also add, at the risk of sounding like a total biatch... Any man that DOESN'T take care of their pregnant wife is a total clown. 

Yeah, women have been getting pregnant since the dawn of time and yeah, it's something any woman can do, but that doesn't change the fact that it's damn exhausting and hard. I was almost hospitalized a couple of times for pre-natal depression because my hormones were SO up and down. Not to mention, I was so goddamn tired all the time. Pregnancy was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. If my husband acted like a damn clown like your boyfriend, I would've lost my ever-loving mind.