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Drama already!

JBDmom's picture

Today is my nephews birthday party. I’ve mentioned it to my BF at least once before this morning, and I’ve also mentioned that I really don’t want to take SD with me. Well this morning I mention to him again that I won’t be here between 12-4 because I’m going to my nephews birthday party. Well after I leave the room to feed DD1 my SD goes and lays with him. While in there he tells her that she gets to go to my nephews birthday party today. He asks me right in front of her was she invited? Well yeah she was but I really don’t want to take her because she starts fights with my nephew and I really don’t want to deal with all that especially with the other 2 babies I’ll have with me. So I have to tell him right in front of her that she was invited but I’m not going to take all 3 kids with me because I won’t be able to handle it so SD will have to stay with with her dad. She’s so obsessed with him that she’ll be just as happy to be the center of his attention as she would be to go to this party. Well she sat in bed with him and fake cried for a minute or 2 before being fine and now my BF is telling me my family isn’t allowed to anything we do at our house. All I wanted was to go worry free to my nephews party so I could actually enjoy it but of course if SD isn’t the center of the universe I’m being a bad mom. 


justmakingthebest's picture


Seriously... "Allowed"? 

So becuase your SD doesn't behave, and you don't want to take care of 3 kids on your own your BF is telling you what you are "allowed" do do in your own home, especially in regards to your own family??

Do you seriously not see the GIANT red flags here. I am sorry, I know I am damaged due to my 2nd marriage. However, telling me what I am "allowed" to do in my own home, telling me that he would create any distance with my family... NOPE. Just NOPE. Hell, I would tell my ENTIRE family that you need them to be there for dinner tomorrow night. Order in pizza, but you need big numbers in your home and make it clear to your BF that you will not be told what you will do with your family in your home. If he doesn't like it, move the F out.

thinkthrice's picture

Chef pulled this shit when he was enraged after I gave my used car to DD and son in law (this was after he had coerced me to give another used car to his druggy 54 yr old half sister and her ne'er do well BF).

I told him flat out that I am not abiding by his "rule" (after all it IS my house) and that I'd rather live with either of my grown children than him if forced to choose.

That fixed his little red wagon.

notarelative's picture

This guy is not the best. He expects you to wrangle a tiny baby, a toddler, and a five year old by yourself at a birthday party. 

Was BF not invited to the party? If he were, he should be going and supervising his daughter and helping with all of his children. He shouldn't be getting a free afternoon by sending all the kids off with you.




SteppedOut's picture

Do you really think this kind of behavior will change? Let me tell you, it will. It will get WORSE.

Do you really want that for your life?

somethingwicked's picture

Drama that HE created but he wants to punish you for his blabbing to SD.

And you said ...what? to this ahole  BF.

I'd tell him you are not SD's mama so you are not being a "bad mom" ..she's not your child.And never feel that you are  her mother sounds like this "BF" pulls that gaslighting guilt trip  on you.

He is the father .He can and should entertain his kid .  

You were bold enough to tell him his kid was invited but you do not want to take her coz you will have your hands full .Guess he was planning to send HIS kid off with you  while  he stays home with a free Saturday afternoon or whatever all to himself since he was not going..if he was you would not have to  watch all the kids,right?

Now he's stuck all alone w/o you as buffer with HIS kid on a  Saturday .That is why this ahole is copping his pissy attitude and spouting ultimatums. And I hope you also pointed out he brought this on himself when he blabbed to SD when you told him she was not going. He's  not just arun of the mill ahole ..he's a sneaky  , manipulative gaslighting ahole .

EDIT: Hon,after reading some of your previous posts this guy is ALL about drama.It will never be good with him.

I hope you are truly working on an exit plan.It is doable.Good luck.


tog redux's picture

How are you doing with your exit plan? Whatever happened with the money he spent on her party?

Petronella's picture

I asked her about that birthday and the money, in the forum yesterday! She was able to get an extension so their electric didn’t get shut off. And she managed to feed everyone for the week. I forgot to ask whether she got money from her mom. Oh and he apologized to her for blowing all the money and actually handed her all the cash from his next pay check.

thinkthrice's picture

thank GOD I was too old to have kids with Chef!

thinkthrice's picture

probably can't stand her DuH and rightly so. 

tog redux's picture

That's what I wondered too. If he wants his DD to go, why doesn't he go along and you know, HELP HIS SO with the 3 kids under 5 that she has to deal with.  Probably has better things to do, though, like nap or play video games.

shamds's picture

asking her in front if his kid whether she is invited and can come because he’s too chicken shit to man up and say “look feral kid, you are aleays disrespectful, you pick on little kids and cause drams and thats not the behaviour your stepmum should need to tolerate on his birthday!”

parenting is hard when parents refuse to grow a pair and tell it like it is. I’m lucky i was brought up in a home with the harsh truth always, no sugarcoating things.