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I hate her

JBDmom's picture

I hate the person I turn into more specifically when my SD is around. She makes me angry and resentful and mean. I feel like a fucking evil step mom when she’s around. All she does though is cry and throw fits about everything. I make her breakfast and it’s not what she wants boom throwing a fit and screaming about it. I ask her to go play boom throwing herself on the floor. I tell her to stop being mean to her sister boom an attitude like you wouldn’t believe. Get onto her for her constant complaining about everything boom she’s crying that she wants her dad. I can’t stand being around her at all. She makes me hate myself more than I already do. Our living situation right now is not ideal but we don’t have much of a choice right now since our house got flooded. I know she wants to see her dad and I know how much it sucks not being at home. I understand completely why she feels this way. What I cannot keep doing is dealing with a child who just constantly cries and screams and is rude the second she doesn’t get exactly what she wants. I’m going crazy. Not only am I staying in a my sisters house with 5 other people but I’ve got 2 kids making it 8 people living under the same roof a landlord trying to push me out of my flooded apartment not even a week after it happened and a boyfriend who doesn’t come home so he can work. I don’t know how long I can keep this up but my SD needs to chill out and stop causing so many problems through out the day because I’m already bent past my breaking point. She’s making this already stressful situation so much worse and I can’t even say anything to my BF because all I do is “complain about her”. I’m sorry his “perfect” little princess isn’t as fucking perfect when she has to follow rules and doesn’t get everything she wants. He’ll never see her as more than a baby who needs to be constantly coddled and given into. She’s 4 not a baby she doesn’t need someone to do everything for her. She doesn’t need to constantly be the center of attention. I hate that I get made into the bad guy everyday because my BF spoils her to the point that if she isn’t getting her way she has meltdowns. I hate that I can’t talk to him about it because I should just be giving her what she wants. I hate seeing the way him and his family are raising her. I hate that I’m supposed to be her “mom” but my opinions are just me being mean because I was the one raised wrong not the way he’s raising her. I hate that he wants to be best friends with her instead of her parent. I hate that I can see past her cute little smile and see the little tyrant that she is. What I hate the most though is myself for not being able to enjoy having my SD in my life. 

Comments

Siemprematahari's picture

Where is this childs mother and why are you parenting her instead of your BF? Where is he in all this? Who says you have to be her "mom"? If your opinions don't matter and they are "wrong" than he needs to step his role up as a father and raise her. Disengage from her and your ungrateful BF who doesn't appreciate your efforts. He can go and deal with that mess and see how easy it is trying to raise a child throwing tantrums.

JBDmom's picture

when my SD moved in with us she had been staying primarily with her BM and my BF got to see her only when BM would allow him to. She used pills and eventually fell into harder things and my BF took SD away the minute he found out what her mother was doing to get those drugs. BM hasn’t seen her daughter in 2 and half years and she really hasn’t tried to. She will hit up my BF to flirt and talk to him but rarely mentions the daughter she never sees. It’s been a tough situation for all of us.

Petronella's picture

Ok but what about the other half of the question - where's Dad? Why did he "take" the child if he doesn't have the time or inclination to be a parent? What would he do if he didn't have you?

JBDmom's picture

I’ve heard it from him many times what he would do with out me. He’d find another girl to move in with or have one move in with him so she can watch her. When we fight he makes it very clear that I’m just an expendable babysitter. I don’t know if he really means it though because he does only tell me that when we’re arguing. What gets me though is that he expects me to be this perfect mom but then turns around time and time again and tells me I can easily be replaced.

Just J's picture

Oh hon. Don't do this to yourself. That's a horrible thing for your bf to say even once, even in the heat of an argument, much less multiple times. Let him find someone else, because it won't get any better. And that girl will run off every woman who comes along if he keeps being a Disney dad. You deserve better. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Why are you still with this guy? He has made it clear you are an expendable babysitter (and I'm guessing bed-warmer) and says you can be replaced. If he says it when you are arguing - he means it. Please consider getting some therapy to see why you think you deserve to be treated in this manner.

Winterglow's picture

Then LET him do just that. Next time he utters those words, be ready so you can hand him his and SD's bags and say "OK, fine by me. So long, nice knowing you." and close the door after then. He does not deserve you and he'll probably promise to jump through all sorts of hoops for you but don't be sucked in. Be FREE!

Jcksjj's picture

I feel the same. Having SD around drives me insane, she just gets under my skin and I'm too lazy to go into detail right now, but its very similar issues to what you posted.

And then I feel guilty and annoyed at myself for feeling that way. Which leads to more resentment of the situation since those are really just extra negative emotions and it's just a cycle of negativity.

tog redux's picture

This SAHM thing you are doing sounds really fun. I'd rather have 2 low-paying jobs than deal with someone else's bratty kid all day. 

Annoyed1's picture

I feel sorry for you and your SD. She sounds like a typical 4 year old and it's really sad that you hate her so much. I'm sure she's able to tell. Maybe look into daycare or something else to help give you a break. Or talk to your BF. This situation really isn't fair for either one of you. You're BF sounds like he has it made in the shade though. That poor little girl :( 

 

Steppedonnomore's picture

Read your post to yourself, especially the last 7 sentences.  Then imagine what advice you would give your best friend if she made those same statements.   Leave this situation and find one that you don't hate. 

Monkeysee's picture

If your BF isn’t going to back you up & be a better support considering you’re looking after *his* kid, then he needs to look into daycare for her. He can’t have it both ways. Even if she was your own child, nonstop meltdowns & tantrums are exhausting. She can’t be allowed to get away with that, your BF isn’t the one dealing with them all the time so it’s easy for him to make you the bad guy.

Really he’s the bad guy because he’s allowing princess to get away with it & not supporting you while you watch his child. It’s not your responsibility to do that, and it’s not your fault the BM got into drugs & cant take her own kid. 

She’s only 4 & she’s been through a lot, but enough’s enough. He can either step up, have your back & appreciate everything you’re doing for him & her, or he can shell out for daycare. I’m sure your sister doesn’t love the meltdowns either & would love some peace back in her home. 4 year olds don’t get to rule the roost. He needs a kick up the @ss.